My narcissistic sis is at it again. She's malignant and is in a tizzy that I haven't had contact with her for three years now. No contact makes it hard for her to exert control so she found a way she thinks will bring me around.

Our family burial plot is over 100 years old and she knows I always planned to be buried there. My mother's lawyer forgot to mention in Mom's will that my sis and I are beneficiaries with rights to be buried there. The cemetery owners said that if we each go in and sign an affidavit we can both have plots. I asked for only one for myself and offered the remaining plots for sis. She knows that if she doesn't sign I cannot be buried there.
Although I'd like to have my dirt nap with the family I'm deciding now to either leave my body to science or use the new composting option. I'm not all that torn up about it. When I don't go to her begging to have her sign the papers she will be even madder. She loves control. She lied to her own attorney and told him she had signed the papers as he advised her. He told her it was the right thing to do. Cemetery said she hasn't signed and they wish she would so they can close out the issue.

Is there any way you can revoke your own signature so SHE can't be buried there? If she doesn't actually want to be buried there, she might keep jerking you around. If she does want to be buried there, she will have to play nice with you. I feel bad for the cemetery having to deal with family squabbles. You might have to end up selling the plot somehow.

I'm glad I want to be cremated. No headstone, fancy coffin and vault, grave maintenance, or payment to a cemetery for me.

+1

She cannot be buried there until she signs and I know it means more to her than to me. I already have a headstone for myself because Mom authorized it while she was still living. They cannot pull it out now. But sis has no headstone and cannot have one until she signs off for me to be buried. It's kind of a case of her cutting off her nose to spite her face. She loses control either way.

This cemetery is centrally located in a very sought after part of town. I figure that in about 50 years it will get bought out, the graves will probably all be moved miles away and the place will be a parking lot for the university just like that famous king they found under a parking lot in England. Richard the something. It bugs sis that I have a headstone and she doesn't so she either signs the papers or buys a plot somewhere else. My major interest was that the gravesites are all paid for by our great grandfather. If I have to pay to go someplace else I'll just go to a medical school or forest that takes composted bodies. I'll just sit and see what she does. It's her children who will have to pay if she doesn't sign the papers. Poor kids. Another problem for her is I paid much less for my headstone years ago. With inflation she or her children will have to pay more and more the longer they wait. I read that headstones have about doubled in price over these past five or six years. Her kids will probably just cremate and sprinkle her someplace.

Hmmm. Maybe she is busy with her kids and has other priorities? Maybe she is having thoughts about being buried somewhere else by her own kids? I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she sounds petty and vindictive. My guess is that she will try to get a cooler headstone than yours!

Old graveyards have such character. I hope you don't end up being bones under a parking lot!

Sis's "kids" are in their forties. She spends her time shopping online, getting her nails done, and watching all her streaming services. Controlling others, mainly family, is her chief interest in life. If I just bide my time she will have to think of some other way to bug me or find someone else to control. I'm not worrying about it. It's just so funny how intent she is on getting a rise out of me. And her favorite activity is acting all sanctimonious. She tries to play the deeply religious church lady but her kids and I know better. She cares about nobody but herself. I have no idea what her religious beliefs are if she even has any. She has joined so many different churches I'm not sure which one she now attends.

The cemetery says that plots that have been paid for cannot be sold. Our family can be buried there but nobody else. There are a lot of old family plots that are never going to be used because the families have moved or died out. I'm sure they will run out of plots to sell very soon. When the cemetery is full I'm not sure what happens....

Our little league football coach got sprinkled on the field we used to play on. His son thought about where to sprinkle his dad and he loved coaching little league. It’s better than being pickled in a box planted in a creepy cemetery.

Jesus would avoid burial costs by ascending to heaven.

Jesus will do whatever the Brethren want. That's what's wired in me thanks to how I was molded by the Church. I don't even have to think about it as it's so automatic.

Everybody gets a brand new car! Just look underneath your seats everybody! You'll find TV he keys to your brand new car! That's right folks, no great need for all that pesky cash.. just give it all to me.

Your sis just needs more love, anything not worked out now will get handled in the afterlife. Oh, and about afterlife, now everybody gets into heaven. Low heaven, medium heaven and high heaven. Now, don't forget my check payment!

The whole family recognizes that she is a deeply unhappy person and we have all tried to smother her in love. She throws it all back in our faces. What she REALLY wants is admiration. it took me a long time to figure this out. She has received unconditional love in abundance but thinks it's worthless. Admiration from, and subjugation of, others is the name of her game. Being dismissed is her greatest fear.

It seems to me that since you already have a headstone in place, that your mother intended you to have that particular plot. I'm surprised that the lawyer doesn't argue that point. All someone would need to do is to have the date of your death carved in the stone.

One solution would be to have your body cremated, with the ashes to be buried in your plot at a later date. That's what my brother and I did with our mother's remains. We kept her ashes for ten years, at which point we buried her in the family plot (which was quite some distance away from us.) Once the remains are in the ground, no one knows what form they took. And if worse comes to worse, you can always have someone scatter your ashes over your gravesite or the family plot as a whole.

My thoughts exactly.

If this was taken to court I'm pretty certain I would be awarded the gravesite with my headstone and sis would be asked what her objections are. Since her only objection is that she's not controlling me I think they would laugh her out of the building.

I really don't want to turn this whole thing into an expensive legal battle. As I stated previously, I thought it would be great having a free burial site that my great grand dad has already paid for. If it's going to cost a boatload of legal fees to get a free gravesite it's kind of silly.

As you say, all I need is someone to chisel my death date on the headstone and sprinkle my ashes over my parents and grandparents graves. That's fine with me.