BYU. Sometime early seventies. Marriot center. Apostle talking. One of said Apostle's favorite metaphors delivered with practiced deific gusto complete with faux humility. The one about how trees that aren't doing well--- crooked, strange shapes, not fitting the ideal, must be cut back--way back--to the stubs, so they can grow straight and tall--the only way a tree should be.

Having been born a gardener and artist my thought was, 'But the twisted trees are so beautiful, so much more interesting. A uniqueness that can only come from out-witting the elements.' Even by then I gave side eye to hot house long stem perfect red roses. Give me something plucked from the garden with the thorns on to make your fingers bleed.


Forget tithing. Forget the mission. Forget the boring meetings. Forget the ridiculousness of the BoM and the BoA.

The damage Mormonism did to me came from something else and I found this bit in an article in the NYT Science Section not about Mormons but that clearly addresses what was the worst of Mormonism for me:

"Most of us have been taught to push away our so-called negative emotions and focus on the positive. But experts say that being relentlessly positive and leaning on happy platitudes, also known as "toxic positivity", can harm us."

"Most positivity lingo lacks nuance, compassion and curiosity," the therapist Whitney Goodman writes in her book, "Toxic Positivity". It comes in the form of blanket statements that tell someone how to feel and that the feeling they are currently having is wrong." Or as the Mormons put it, the natural man is an enemy to god. Do not be yourself!

Mormonism isn't just blanket statements. It is blanket everything. For some it's a security blanket to drag around and for others it just smothers.


I folded my blanket up and put it away. Moth food. Some Mormons loved me anyway as they " focused on the positive" magnanimously.

I never wanted to be loved *anyway*. Not by my parents. Not by my friends. And especially not by a God. That would be about them not me. About who they are.

I wanted to be liked. For who I was. All quirks included. That is the same for me today. Being liked, understood, seen.

Back to the article---not hard to see how the religious mandate, "Be ye therefore perfect", is toxic positivity as it encourages phony fronts to be constructed. "Turn it off. Like a light switch!" That song from the "Book of Mormon" musical. My jaw dropped. Trey and Matt. How did they know? Chopped and turned off. Mormonism in a nutshell.


Isn't the opposite of judging being intrigued?

> Having been born a gardener and artist my thought
> was, 'But the twisted trees are so beautiful, so
> much more interesting. A uniqueness that can only
> come from out-witting the elements.' Even by then
> I gave side eye to hot house long stem perfect
> red roses. Give me something plucked from the
> garden with the thorns on to make your fingers
> bleed.

Beautiful.


------------
> Isn't the opposite of judging being intrigued?

See above.

It reminds me of the Taoist appreciation for, and even preference, for imperfection. One of my art professors used to make us look for the bit of imperfection that was often purposefully added to Taoist-influenced art.

I also loved how the Taoist painters often made humans quite small in comparison to the grandeur of nature. Not only did we have to hunt for the imperfections, but often also for the humans. As I was discussing with my team members today, we are individually only one piece of the puzzle, not the entire puzzle.

Find the people! Find an imperfection!

https://www.webpages.uidaho.edu/humanities/images/tangyin1a.jpg

Interesting points.


---------
> It reminds me of the Taoist appreciation for, and
> even preference, for imperfection. One of my art
> professors used to make us look for the bit of
> imperfection that was often purposefully added to
> Taoist-influenced art.

Confucian gardens/temples are boring because they attempt to create a cosmic harmony and balance that seems more aspirational than real. A tree to the left, a tree to the right. A pointy rock over there, a pointy rock over here. It's decidedly and sterilely unnatural.

I don't associate Taoist art with intentional imperfection, just natural imperfection, but it doesn't surprise me that some artists and experts would do so. But Chan/Zen gardens and bonsai are absolutely the way you say; in fact, if you look closely you can often see the tiny pieces of wire used to encourage plants to grow in unique ways. It's truly beautiful although it does raise the question whether that style of Zen is truly Zen.


---------------
> I also loved how the Taoist painters often made
> humans quite small in comparison to the grandeur
> of nature. Not only did we have to hunt for the
> imperfections, but often also for the humans.

I love that too. Not only does it put our species in perspective, it is also, and perhaps consequently, peaceful. To see humans as parts of a greater natural whole is deeply and emotionally healing. Tang Dynasty poetry strikes much the same note.


------------
> Find the people! Find an imperfection!

That brings us back to a frequent D&D point: appreciation of the vast range of differences between people rather than the need to standardize everything and everyone.


------------
> https://www.webpages.uidaho.edu/humanities/images/
> tangyin1a.jpg

I always thought that sort of Shanshui scenery was fantastic. Then I backpacked around China and saw the Li River (Guilin), the mountains of Yunnan, and the South China Sea, and realized that the natural scenery looks much like the paintings and carvings.

I wonder if Taoism would have put down roots in a society that was not used to looking at nature that way. Of course we are discussing the elite of the elite; 99.9% of Chinese never had enough rice let alone time to contemplate philosophy and nature, and today's China has virtually nothing to do with Taoist sensibilities.

I'm reminded of the great scholar Arthur Waley, who translated lots of beautiful Chinese literature but refused ever to visit China because he knew the 20th century reality bore no resemblance to the literary world he wanted to translate faithfully and without preconceptions.

But I ramble. . .

I actually remember hearing a talk like that at BYU, probably more than once. Train those trees to be straight or trim them back wasn't even a subtle message.

Is there any aspect of humanity that is uniquely the same?

If not, how gross!

I used to wonder about our 'edges' and how it made some sense that we all had different 'edges' and how we got along depended on how our 'edges' fit.

If someone had an 'edge' involving mistreating pets, it wouldn't fit my 'edge' of loving animals.  By the same token, my 'edge' of taking nothing seriously is repulsive to those with an 'edge' that said certain things had to be taken seriously.

Edgy, huh?

You're not different when you're with people just like you.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who sees a pattern concerning who hangs around here, who moves on, who gets along, and who doesn't.

My dad always received the wrong message in most Mormon meetings where analogies were made with the need of nursing plants to make them strong and beautiful. Dad thought noxious weeds were the strongest on this planet. Of course, he didn't like weeds taking over his small garden, but he let certain plants to dominate parts of his yard.

And some church lessons used to illustrate earthquakes as punishments of wickedness and the great wrath of God. Dad would always point out that more churches were destroyed during the devastating 1906 San Francisco earthquake than saloons.

Many Sunday School teachers were at peace if my dad was keeping his contrarian views contained in the foyer.

When I was a kid and still had to attend church, a woman gave a talk in sacrament meeting about emotions, positivity, negativity, etc. I vividly remember when she said that if you're having a bad day and/ or feeling depressed, etc...don't call a friend from church for support...they could be studying the scriptures or contemplating things of the spirit and you could be interrupting them.

I was years away from being a Deacon and this just struck me as wrong, empty and shallow. How could a church that purports to be all about love have someone giving a talk like that? Yuk!

". . . don't call a friend from church for support...they could be studying the scriptures or contemplating things of the spirit and you could be interrupting them."

I don't know why but that made me laugh a lot. Good grief, lady! I thought my family was over the top but that really takes the cake.

I have one for you, its off topic, but you will enjoy.

One day in F&T Meeting a guy goes up to the stand and begins to ramble on about spirits, and how to watch out for the evil ones. Then he goes into how they are following him everywhere. Well the Bishopric is just sitting on the stand with this look of horror, while everyone in the congregation is just wide eyed, but nobody does anything.

I was watching in humor, just wondering what was going to happen, when the one person in the entire ward who would do anything stood up. He walks up to the stand, taps the speaker on the shoulder and tells him that he needs to sit down and give others a chance to speak. The dude says OK, and steps down from the stand. My good friend turns and looks at the bishopric for a second with that look of his, then gives a quick testimony and sits down.

I loved every second of it.

Yes. Did make me smile. I do love that one. The wacky testimonies are the ones we remember--for good reason. At least it was fun for a minute.

What? You mean you never wanted to be Hubie Brown's little currant bush?

https://latterdaysaintmag.com/the-currant-bush/

OMG. Thank you, Dallin. That is a classic!

This:"I said, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. If I let you go the way you want to go, you will never amount to anything. "


What I really noticed though was how the story is really a tribute to Hugh B. Brown himself. So many apostles have used personal narratives disguised as wisdom to highlight their own wonderfulness.

He absolutely hates how people trim their trees and bushes. Besides, he says it kills them. Especially the ones they trim way back to not much of anything. He watches all the new landscaping that goes in around the valley and everywhere he goes. Of course, I got to listen to it all.

We saw some shrubs in St. George once that were trimmed like waves.

He is not really impressed by the people who go around and trim bushes.

Everyone being the same is rather boring. I never wanted to be a good little mormon girl mom and I did let myself worry about it. Well, I didn't turn out that way after all. I'm so glad that I got out of that mess. Our family never fit in in mormonism.

Gnarled old trees have seen some stuff.





https://media.snopes.com/2019/08/oldest-tree-maybe.jpg

See. That is what happens when you don't chop back! That Boabab has some stories to tell.

YES. Done & Done. Exactly.