Have a poop flap in your underwear.

Believe blacks descended from Cain and look like bigfoot.

Have one dad and 3 moms.

Don't drink coffee because of a little "caffeine" but drink tons of caffeinated soda.

Pat people on the arm or leg as a kind gesture, but you're really checking to see what kind of underwear they have on.

Continue to bug people about attending your church after being told to go away and never come back.

Don't report abusers to the authorities because you believe in repentance.

Think any kind of meat in Jell-O is a good thing.

can't stand your religion but are too afraid to leave it.

enough for now.....

Hey. Leave some for the rest of us!

First come first serve! Open that undy flap and poop or get off the pot!

.....care more about your family looking happy and wholesome on Facebook than you care about what's actually happening to your family behind closed doors.

Brutal. And true.

Travel abroad to visit buildings that are just like the one a half mile from your house.

Find yourself saying, "That's not appropriate," a lot.

Have a very broad definition of "service."

Find yourself wearing workout clothes all the time so that you can avoid your religion's issued underwear.

Think that religion and politics are perfectly acceptable topics for dinner conversation in mixed company.

Have a part-time job cleaning a church every third Saturday.

Cry a lot.

Are a grown woman, but you're often mistaken for a child when talking on the phone.

Know that the two Hershey's Kisses left on your doorstep are actually a birthday gift from the women's organization that you belong to.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/09/2024 03:44PM by want2bx.

>> Are a grown woman, but you're often mistaken for a child when talking on the phone. <<

Love this one! When my never-mo wife met one of my TBM older sisters for the first time years ago, she asked me why she talked like she did (high pitched voice, slow speech, eyes wide open, nodding her head, etc.) and said she sounded like she was talking to a child.

That's when I explained to her what "primary speak" was in the mormon church. My wife thought it was very strange.

hear the words "we will go down" and it doesn't sound sexual to you.

Oops!!  What if all three times you went to the temple, the phrase sounded totally sexual to you?!?

>> What if........the phrase sounded totally sexual to you?!? <<

That could be the reason some mormons go to the temple!

Snicker. Also "he's endowed"!

Your mom is pregnant at your wedding.

You checked to see if the guy you dated at BYU might be your cousin.

You can make any facts fit your beliefs by finding a scripture.

Date your cousin by mistake. Hey, it happens. Like to me! I think it was on the second date at BYU that we discovered that we were something like 2nd cousins once removed.

Hey, I've known some remarkably endowed women in mormonism!

Are you sure. . .

Never mind.

Locker room talk? Or maybe baptismal font talk?

You are so bad SD!

You know you are a moron if you think you are better than the rest of the people on the planet.

Can they help it if they were more valiant in the preexistence? God likes them best, and everyone else is just jealous.
It's hard going through life knowing you are going to God's special heaven and others aren't so worthy!

(Giant eye roll)

You refer to everybody as Sister, Brother, Elder, Bishop, or President and never speak their first name.

you go to your plumber bishop for marital advice instead of a marriage counselor.

You're okay with paying 10% to a cult while your kids go hungry.

-state that you served a 2 year mission on a job application and expect a future employer to be wowed

>> Are a grown woman, but you're often mistaken for a child when talking on the phone. <<

I was watching an episode of People's Court on Y/T the other day involving two women disputing the costs of stabling a horse. They both sounded like 12 year olds. I wondered if at least one was a member of the church and boom! One said in that primary child voice, "The horse wasn't ready when the young women of the war..."

She caught herself realizing that Judge Milian (and 300 million people in the US) have no idea what she was talking about. The lady changed it to "My church group wanted to ride the horse."

-think that entire moon landing was fake.

-feel your church is persecuted because it's plans to build temples are opposed by city councils.

-think a great way to date your spouse is to go to the temple.

...if you think that being gay, and wanting to find a loving same-sex partner or spouse, means that you are the one who is messed up.

Are fine with that old family picture of great grandpas family…that third wife was only fifteen and grandpa was not a perv….use that term often ….those were different times and it was common to rob cradles…it was all about looking after widows…no widows were looked after for free ….gotta love mormons haha

. . .are impressed with Mark E. Peterson claiming to never having seen his wife naked.

. . .tell your kids to tie one hand to the bedpost and hold a Book of Mormon in the other as Mark E. recommended.

. . . think it's okay that there is a Native American kneeling beside the Statue of Brigham Young in downtown SLC by the temple.

"Native American kneeling beside the Statue of Brigham Young"

I could not find an image. Do you have a link? I find it hard to believe. I would expect that BY would only accept a BJ from one of his younger wives.

You're bad!

Luckily the Native American is only kneeling on one side facing the same way as BY with a trapper on the other side. It's in an intersection kitty-korner to the temple. I guess it's still there. Been a while since I've been anywhere near it.

Considering what Brigham did to Native Americans I see it in somewhat the same way as if there were a statue of a Jew kneeling beside Hitler.

Thank you. Been so long since I've seen it and in my memory I pictured the trapper and Native American kneeling. At least they aren't doing that but I still don't like it at all.

own five sets of cutco knives

OMG. That makes me have a flashback.

I have the Cutco set my mom had. My Mormon aunt was selling them to everyone and my mom felt obligated to buy. My set is now over 55 years old and I still use it exclusively.

Last year one of the knives broke when I dropped it. I remembered my aunt pushing the sales promise that they had a lifetime guarantee. They were very expensive even back then. On a whim, I contacted Cutco and they actually replaced it.

My Mormon relatives were always selling stuff! Amway comes to mind.

O yea, the Amway.

I learned about it when my good friend invites me over to dinner in my twenties and I sat through that spiel.

Then over the course of 20 years, I would get several Amway invites each year from various ward members, but I was really good at asking questions that told me it was Amway

Which always resulted in a polite "No Thank You".

That was another Mormon thing to solve all their financial ills.

Excellent! Yeah, my cousin got roped into that mlm when he was in college. My mom’s are still going strong. Super-expensive, though.

After Mormonism, mob mentality might linger long.