Here are the 10 Commandments (this is as official as it gets; I got this list from mormon.com!):

1)  “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”

2)  “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.”

3)  “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.”

4)  “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.”

5)  “Honour thy father and thy mother.”

6)  “Thou shalt not kill.”

7)  “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”

8)  “Thou shalt not steal.”

9)  “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.”

10) “Thou shalt not covet.”

bonus info: Moses wanted to add, "Thou shalt not have two piercings in one ear," but Ghawd convinced him that 11, while a prime, is a Satanic number because of the eternally evil phrase, "Seven come eleven..."


I would like your help in fleshing out this list because, all by itself, it no longer serves its intended purpose: ensuring one's exaltation waaaay up into the Celestial Kingdom.

Also, Life, its own self, is seamlessly increasing, which is a contradiction...

Here are a few "suggestions" for getting through modern life so you can go slipping and sliding into the CK:


"Thou shalt not store jelly donuts in your fanny pack."

"Remember that the last shall be first and twist this to thine advantage."

"Thou shalt always stand when an Apostle farts."**


What can you add to my list?






*Errancy is a noun that means
the state of being in error,
or a tendency to err. It can
also mean making a mistake or
doing something morally wrong.


**Just kidding, plus checking to see if you're paying attention.

Thou shall not point out when the Lord’s prophets, seers, and revelators contradict each other (or themselves).

-Avoid loud laughter unless the prophet makes a funny remark at the beginning of his GC talk.

Honesty, Kindness, D'oh

Thou shalt not put meat in Jell-O.

Thou shalt tie one hand to the bed post when moral temptation befalls you.

Thou shalt soak and not thrust if not married.

Remember the Happy Hour to have a good time and save money.

Thou shalt not speak truths that are useful.

Thou shall speak as a child when speaking to adults of thy faith.

Thou shalt marry thy wife's daughters, sisters and mother.

Thou shalt not believe in God because he doesn't exist.

Thou shalt get back to work now!

Let me help. . .

Thou shalt not speak ill of the Lord's AP.

Thou shalt not neglect to deliver thy tithes to the Lord's storehouse, yeah even the residence of said AP.

. . .

Now that's a couple commandments I can support! Here's another.....

Honor the salt of the earth, yea, even the wife of Lot, lest she lose her savor and be cast out and trodden under the foot of elderly canines.

Hahahaha!

'Twere that to happen, I trust that God's own AP would use his divine powers to raise Lot's Wife from the dead so she could whack said elderly canine with a rolled up newspaper.

Said AP would turn you back into a pillar that resembled a Milk Bone to lure him in close, then you could topple over on said elderly canine, thereby returning him to the dust of the earth from whence he came.

And you can keep the accordion.

> And you can keep the accordion.

What a cruel thing to say. . .

What a doleful ending for a beautiful Bb accordion in the prime of its life!!

I think this will change your mind.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_6I50oXAVM

Why am I not surprised you have that clip on hand?

He had a show in Seattle when I was kid, used to watch it on TV. I grew up in Everett about 20 mile north.

I have his face tattooed on my back like Roger Stone has Nixon's.

I’m itching up here
And I’m scratching down there

https://youtu.be/fVbFLK64yCY?feature=shared

Don't knock Richard Nixon. He was America's last liberal President.

Do you realize that LDS president and President Nixon have the same initials... RMN

I said, "How bad can it really be...?"



So I looked.

Did it make you jealous?

Does it matter?
God said,”Thou Shall Not Murder”
Then waited 2 beats before murdering a few thousand Jews for breaking his first commandment, because they were bored outta their gourds, having followed a dumb ass into the desert when he had no clue which way was North.

How about,

Thou shall not rape
Thou shall not enslave thy fellow human
Be kind
And if you be kind, at least don’t do any harm.

    


  
"Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad.

I missed you so bad, I missed you so so bad.

Before you came into my life I missed you so bad,

And you should know that; I miss you so so bad!"

"Ghawd convinced him that 11, while a prime, is a Satanic number because of the eternally evil phrase, "Seven come eleven..."

Finally a justification for the D&C section 88 forbidding (however nebulously) coffee! It could lead to partaking of the evil brew from Stan's own convenience store.

Fortunately, the church has enough money to buy 7/11 and put Lucifer out of business. So now we wait...

Probably something about white ahirts and beards.