Here's a question:  If one were to address and properly stamp a #10 envelope:

          Mormon Church
          Salt Lake City
          Utah  84101

    ...and the USPS delivered it to the COB, would it be opened, or would they have it returned to the listed return address?


    And if they did open it, and it was a Walmart money order in the amount of $1.00, made out to the Mormon Church, with a memo line that said "Tithing," would it be deposited?

    

    What would happen if a member of the church (like me!) mailed an envelope to the same address, with a personal check, with all my contact information on it, made out to 'Mormon Church' in the amount of $1.00 / one-dollar and 00/cents, and had "Tithing" on the memo line?

    If they did deposit my check, getting a copy of it would be pretty cool!  

    And what if, on the memo line, in addition to "tithing," I added, in really tiny letters, "I was nude when I wrote this check!"?

Make it $50 and I'll reimburse you. That would be enough for them to take seriously.

But just use your name and address: please skip the GNPE memo since then the game would be up.

When you get the receipt, send me a copy and I'll frame it as proof of the church's cupidity.

Serious. Dead serious.

The ward was cheap and SLC was cheaper.

I was a an assistant membership clerk and was directed to mail out a certificate to some part time member. Somehow we (the clerks) had postage, but not a mailing envelope.

I approached the bishop and asked him. He laughed, snorted and laughed some more.- Do you know where the office supply store is located? Go and buy some with your wallet or why don't you repurpose the ones you receive from SLC?

Every week there was a computer generated membership discrepancy report which was mailed from SLC to the ward membership clerk. We had a stack of old mailers from the church membership department which were stuffed inside a drawer.

The financial clerk helped print out new mailing labels. Neither he nor I noticed an important detail about the used mailer.

A few weeks later, there a giant mailing envelope was received. On the outside was a dozen URGENT stickers. Inside was the mailer which I had repurposed. I was befuddled as to how it was sent to SLC when we had very carefully attached new address labels with proper postage.

There was a proper letter from the church membership department. It read:

Dear Clerk

We recently received your mailer. We want to remind you to read the Membership Handbook in regards to use and distribution of church materials and resources. (There were page #s, rule # and clause identifiers). The letter continued- Please refrain from re-using mailers.

This is where the letter became interesting. This was written in all caps- THESE ENVELOPES BELONG TO US AND NOT TO YOU. BUY YOUR OWN FOR WARD USE. SEE RETURNED MAILER FOR EXPLANATION!!!!!!!!!!! (there were 10 !'s)

It was signed by Bob (I forget his last name).

At the very bottom of the repurposed mailer, there were grey slash marks. This was a nearly invisible routing number which directed the postal service machines to route it back to SLC if it was undeliverable. Neither I nor the older financial clerk were able to discern them. They were so small and you had raise the mailer at an oblique angle and hold it towards the light. Those sneaky bastards.

The other clerks thought it was so funny that I had raised the ire of Bob that an old frame was brought into the clerks office. Yes, the letter was ultimately framed because I was the butt of the joke for a long time.

Church officials are utterly anal about paperwork. Just look at their genealogy program. The above post is another crystal-clear example.

That’s why people feel the need to resign from the Mormon Church. Most other churches, when they see that you haven’t attended or made contributions for years, will take the hint and leave you alone. Not the Mormons. Unless you resign, you will remain listed on some ward roster, subject to reactivation attempts basically for 5he rest of your life. Resigning gets you off the ward roster.

The letter you will get back:

Dear Brother Dog,

Our accounting department has done an in depth search over your past decades and found that one dollar is not a substantial enough down payment on the $480,000.27 that you owe in tithing in order to make things right with the Lord. That won't even get you a condo let alone a mansion. So good luck with the ladies even if they do let you in.

Please put some clothes on, We will know if you don't. Trust me.

Yours truly,
The Holy Trinity

Russ Nelson
Ensign Peak
Zion's Bancorporation

That's a great reply D&D