Are you shittin' me?

watching him p*ss away his life like this.

I'm so worn out, that I'm heading to bed shortly, and it is still early.

He has taken the easy way out of life kind of like his cat. Perhaps he is emulating his cat?

If he begins purring, I'll let you know!

Youre missing out on guys like me.

Guys who focus their ambition on their wives and families.

I played games too. Alcohol is an easier addiction to give up, at least to me.

Games were once my life. I gave it up, and I literally had withdrawals. I know now that I cannot touch an MMO. Games are an escape, a self-medication.

I conquered this addiction and now focus my ambition and energy on real-life accomplishments.

My name is Jack. And I'm an ex-gamer.

not to hijack the thread, but I too am an addict. A media addict. If i exercise and keep moving, i'm ok. But once I stop, i really sink into a state of self medication via television and the internet.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/23/2011 11:39PM by wine country girl.

The Jack thing is just a joke from my exit story thread.

Many addictions are the result of a void in our lives we are trying to fill. Media is a filler too. I watch lots of fims and read but no TV. That does it for me.

Addictions can't really just be dropped, they have to be replaced with something more constructive. If you stop the exercise, or reading, or posting to RfM or whatever you're filling the void with the cravings for the real addiction return.

I'm gamer free and on the bandwagon. My last time playing an MMORPG was 2006. It was damn hard to beat but I had to, I didn't want to live a wasted life.

I can't imagine.

Oh, and I love video games. He just made my life so much harder. He went out to sea for six months, and I was like, "Hmmmm...this isn't so bad after all." I wrote him while he was away and told him some things needed changing. Things changed for about two weeks when he came home, then back to the same old stuff. I asked him to go to marriage counseling with me, and he refused. He was shocked when I later told him he had to go.

You're missing out on sex, going out for dates, seeing good movies together, going for nice walks and well...... life.

Did he use to do more? Is this a recent change?

It would be nice to be married to someone who discussed life with you. Who asked you what you wanted or dreamed of. Who told you about ideas that inspired him.

Lots of marriages end because of addictions to:

alcohol
drugs
games
extramarital sex (and yes, porn)
work
sports
family members who come before spouse
you name it, whatever comes before your spouse

You probably know the drill, now you have to face up to it.

See a marriage counselor, go alone if necessary.

Best of luck.

R U fucking kidding me?! I have seen many people like this! Usually they are in halfway houses or sitting around on disability! Kick that P.O.S. out already! Let me guess, prescription drugs and porn are a problem too? If not, then it's probably because you haven't caught him yet. Un-fucking-believable!

(which might include seeing a doctor for depression, addiction or a health condition), you aren't doing him any favors by enabling him.

I enjoy games and the internet, too, but not to the exclusion of taking responsibility for work, kids, and household stuff.

Does he have a job and support the family?

and watch Judge Judy.

Don't get me wrong....she makes more money than I do.

But some guys (like me) don't like video games.

Well, I will spend lots of time and money on skiing and bicycling. But at least those give me nice quads for her to look at after she's seen all of her Judge Judy episodes.

does he make love 2 u still?

Hey! You married my little sister's ex-fiance! She'll be happy to learn that he's moved on and might stop having his friends corner her in clubs to tell her that she should leave because it's really hard for him to see her.

If his penis turns bright orange, then he's been eating cheetos and watching porn at the same time.

Just sayin'...

Ron

...when I'm depressed. I've been down that road, depressed and getting addicted to computer games. It is not as comfortable as it might seem. It's only a way to escape real life. Your hubby needs professional help, and you need some friends to hang out with.

When I was going through my struggles with the Church I spent a lot of time playing video games as well. Most if it came about because I worked the night shift, and all my friends were members who didn't want to really do anything with me anymore. I was also an older single person so most of my friends were married and had children, and I was questioning the Church and had stopped attending. I had a hard transition (and I'm still going through it) from being a TBM to where I am now.

I got to the point where I was pretty well addicted. All I did was work, eat and play video games for a few months there. I realized I needed to do something or this would be my whole life. Luckily I was never addicted to the point where it started to affect work or school, but it was bad enough for me. I decided to break the habit and quit cold turkey. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, and I'm glad I made the decision now. It has helped me get back in shape and start to meet new people OUTSIDE the Church. I still have a hard time meeting new people because of my work schedule, but I'm not wasting my time playing a video game anymore.

If I was you I would suggest getting your husband counseling or if he refuses that then help to show him what he is missing out on in life. If that doesn't work then you have to do what you have to do to make yourself happy.

We attended. During the potluck, DH began ticking people off with his intentional rather loud and obnoxious comments. I couldn't wait for lunch to end!

I had to reply to his in-progress comments in a calm voice: "No don't go there. We don't need to know that." "Calm down, please." "No... enough (said)." He still couldn't stop acting like an out of control child.

I'm surprised that his step-mother's pastor didn't kick us out!

He did haul the trash can out to the street this afternoon. I didn't even have to ask.

For those that responded above, thanks for your replies.

Full disclosure: I am a gamer. Also, I'm a software engineer not a therapist.

I don't know you or the full situation so I'm filling in the blanks with my own experiences.


From your comments it sounds like your husband is either a complete douche, or going through a crisis.

Since I would hope you wouldn't marry a douche bag I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he is going through a crisis.

My advice is don't be too quick to blame the video games... they are a convienent target, but focusing on the gaming may blind you to the real issues. Sure, maybe the games are the problem, but most likely they are just a symptom of something else. If your husband is emotionally withdrawn then I doubt it's the games that are the problem, and your husband is having difficulty dealing with a serious issue (stress, depression, loss, illness, loneliness, shame, etc.).

I suggest communicating with him about how his behavior is making you feel and trying to figure out what is causing him to emotionaly distance himself from you. Be aware of your own mindset, if you're looking for a way to punish him then you are part of the problem.

And when all is said and done, if by some chance it turns out you did marry a douche then dump his sorry ass like some folks are suggesting...

Does he at least get the job done in the bedroom?

My oldest daughter married that kind of guy too. Two children and 75 pounds later, he comes home from work, eats dinner, plays with the kids and then asks my daughter if he can play video games.

"Not until you have that front yard raked," said my daughter, who only a moment ago had said to her five year old, "You can't play XXX until you finish cleaning up that mess in your room."

"Well, then, I'll just play guitar," he said, getting out his music.

"No you will not--you will do no other thing until that yard is raked, do you hear me?"

They divorced a year later when she realized she had three children on her hands and the husband was the hardest to handle.

MORAL: Use defcon5 birth control until your child-husband grows up.

Anagrammy

I have a feeling you file me under man-child as well... but I'm curious how you define "man" vs. "man-child"?

anagrammy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My oldest daughter married that kind of guy too.
> Two children and 75 pounds later, he comes home
> from work, eats dinner, plays with the kids and
> then asks my daughter if he can play video games.
>
> "Not until you have that front yard raked," said
> my daughter, who only a moment ago had said to her
> five year old, "You can't play XXX until you
> finish cleaning up that mess in your room."
>
> "Well, then, I'll just play guitar," he said,
> getting out his music.
>
> "No you will not--you will do no other thing until
> that yard is raked, do you hear me?"
>
> They divorced a year later when she realized she
> had three children on her hands and the husband
> was the hardest to handle.
>
> MORAL: Use defcon5 birth control until your
> child-husband grows up.
>
> Anagrammy

I know you meant well with this comment and I don't know your daughters full story, but a wife should NEVER treat her husband like a child. It's not productive and will not get the results she wants. Wives (and husbands) have to realize that their partners have different priorities for tasks, and you have to trust your partner. If you don't agree with how your partner is prioritizing then you discuss priorities and allow both people to voice their opinion, but you never start treating your partner like a child by telling them what to do. That just leads to problems and many times divorce. For most men a wife nagging or treating them like a child is a sign of disrespect. It's even worse if the wife does it in public or around his friends. This leads to men shutting down emotionally with their wife which makes her feel unloved, and divorce is not far off if something doesn't change quick.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/24/2011 11:49PM by jackol.

Keep your head up Pixie Dust! It's easy for us to sit and judge your situation because we are not the one's in it. Do what you need to do and keep us updated. We are here for you.

Most divorces are initiated by women, whose fantasies just didn't come true. Of course, each of them are sweet loving things - each the victim.

I encourage my daughters to avoid boys, as they will be disappointed. Of course, they don't listen to me, because they want the money he will provide.