There are 30 grandkids and now, going on 40 great grandkids in TBM family. TBM MIL can't keep track of names, etc. I think that's pathetic. I hope I never ever get to the point where I don't know the names of my precious grandkids; if it gets to that point it's certainly gone too far.

disgusted.

Is it possible she just has a poor memory? Maybe she has the early stages of dementia...you never know.

she just thinks people are cattle...

Too many kids produce too many grandkids, the Mormon nightmare never ends for some families.

My mom's best friend had seven kids they could not afford - and now she can't even afford to send birthday cards to the numerous grandkids and great grandkids.

It is understandable that memory fails under such circumstances. Humans tend to "forget" what they cannot deal with or don't want to do.

Failing memory was my first thought. Not caring? From a grandmother? Doubt it. But if they have been on one or more senior missions and not been involved in births, baptisms, birthdays and other events. It makes sense. That is what my in-laws do. They are now on their third mission and have missed SOOOOOOOOOOO much of their grandkids lives (and now a few great grandkids). And they are all local too.

I guess that brings up another reason that might be mormon related. If their kids all met spouses at BYU and were forced to move out of state, they may not see much of their grandkids. Out of sight - out of mind.

I thought VT were sent to women and HT were to teach in family situations. Single (divorced) daughter in Lehi does not answer doorbell if she doesn't know the person through the door. Home teacher approaches her as she is sweeping her garage and asks when he and companion can come visit her. Daughter does not want two strange men in her home. What is the LDS position on this? Daughter just wants to be left alone but doesn't want to hurt others feelings. I will do it for her if needed.

You'd think I'd know this new board usage better.

she may have memory problems. Doesn't mean she loves them any less. I keep a list of full names and birthdays for my kids, spouses, and grand kids - but still miss something from time to time.
I wouldn't be too hard on her. She is probably doing the best she can. And so shall we all when we reach that... "certain age" !

What's pathetic, that she has so many grandchildren that it's impossible to have a close enough relationship with all of them to even remember their names, or that she has fallen short in some way?

It is what it is. Some people have a lot of children and the family just gets too big to be close. Maybe she has memory problems. Maybe it's impossible to be closely involved w/ 70+ grand/great-grandchildren (and I do believe it IS impossible).

I don't have grandchildren yet, but my extended family is so big that between my husband and I we have probably 80 neices/nephews, who are getting married and having children all the time. I don't even know how many grand-neices and nephews I have (maybe 50+?), let alone remembering their names. They are scattered far and wide and we rarely see most of them. So it's hard to keep track of spouses, grand-neices/nephews, etc. Within 20 years, I expect that we'll have hundreds of grand neices/nephews. I'm pretty bad with names and faces (in fact, it's a joke between me and my husband). I can't keep up with everyone and I've given up on the guilt.

Who's to blame? People can certainly have as many children as they want, but if they have a large family and want to have a relationship with a particular relative, they need to put forth the effort to build that relationship rather than expecting the other person to do so. Of course, you know the particulars of your own situation, so maybe there's a lack of interest or something else going on here.

But as a suggestion, there are grandchildren and great-grandchildren who visit my mother on a regular basis, and naturally she's closer to them than ones who can't or don't visit as often.

I grew up not ever seeing my mother's grandparents although they were still alive. I was 18 when my GGrandfather died, however, we went to the funeral. I knew none of these people. I met my GGrandmother for the first time. We were in some relative's house. I was sitting in the livingroom alone when my GGrandmother walked in. She looked at me and said, "Okay, which one are you?" I told her and said, "We kind of need nametags, don't we?" She just walked out. Only time I ever spoke to her.

I'm glad I only had 2 children and I really don't want grandchildren (I worry too much). If my kids do have children, then I will be very much a part of their lives.

BUT I've seen this A LOT with mormons especially. I don't know all that many nonmormons so I can't speak for them. I knew all my grandparents VERY WELL. They were a significant part of my life. When I had 2 children, I thought it was very important for them to have close relationships with their grandparents. They barely knew their father's parents. His parents were two of the most selfish people I have ever met in my entire life. They could never remember if we had 2 kids (we had twins--the ONLY twins in both sides of their family as far back as anyone had researched). They couldn't remember if we had boys or girls, what their names were. My kids got ONE birthday card from these grandparents--with $2 in it. That is ONE CARD for TWO CHILDREN--ONCE in their lives. Their grandmother died when they were 23. Their grandfather died when they were 15.

My parents were more involved with my kids, but not as much as I would have liked.

Many of my neighbors and friends have LOTS of kids and grandkids and many "run" from the grandkids--like someone else said--go on missions or are extremely involved in church positions.

Happens to non-mormons too, you know. I remember the story of people who called their daughter Naomi, and grandpa, not familiar with such a foreign name (as this is Europe) kept calling her things like Maori until she was old enough too correct him.

I myself know a Catalina who has relatives in northern Europe she only sees every few years and who never remember the name, calling her Catarina, Catalena or even Catalunya (that's Catalonia for crying out loud).

there are over 60 people descended from her. In her Utah mormon circles, that's a badge of honor.

She's managed to alienate most of us, and moved back to Utah, so she rarely sees any of those 60....

Sometimes the judgment here astonishes me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/25/2011 09:46PM by bigred.

I say it all starts with the grandma. She had lots of kids and if she didn't realize it would bring so many grandkids and then great grandkids...well, that is too bad. I think they don't think about how it is nearly impossible to keep them all straight. It shouldn't happen.

All kids benefit from kind grandparents. She should know them all if her mind is okay. It could be she just chooses to act like it is all too difficult so she doesn't try. It is the young kids who suffer and then they don't appreciate being a grandparent when they get to that age. Why? Because they can't remember interacting with their own grandparent.

I think senior missions promote disconnect from grandchildren.Apart from the posed photograph with all the offspring senior missionaries want nothing to do with their grandchildren.

My parents were all over their grandchildren, including my never-Mo kids until they began their series (three) of senior missions.Grandchildren ceased to exist.All conversation was about their missions & fellow missionaries. On return they didn't pick up an interest in their grandkids & always made excuses to avoid being present at their activities- even if I had bought tickets for them to attend concerts etc.Ten years of absence from a child's developing years renders them strangers.