Ok. I am confused and would like some opinions. I moved to Utah for a job and have investigated the Mormon church because a couple of my Mormon friends asked if I would go to church with them. I really liked the second two hours of the sacrament meeting because all that was talked about was about listening to yourself. I really liked those conversations because I have been listening to myself (and a combination of logical thinking too) to guide my life. I'm 26. However, I found out all of the real aka "truth" of the church and I don't believe in any of it (JS being a prophet, three degrees of heaven, I saw some endowment videos on youtube and oh boy were the red flags flying!) I cannot compromise my self integrity for wanting to experience sex with someone I care about before I get married. I cannot go against what is built into me for the sake of morality and "righteousness and a promise that is pretty damn certain to not happen after we all die. And I most certainly do not want to give all my time, talents, and everything I've owned or ever will have to the church. That being said, I am lonely, desire companionship, and the thought about these "feelings" to guide you in life continuously sucking me back. I want to be a part of the community because they seem to be kind, I'm kind, and they talk about "intrinsic" stuff which I'm attracted to. But I don't believe any of the religious stuff and don't want to give 10% of my money to a cause that isn't disclosed of where the money goes. I'm in a catch 22. What do you all think?

The problem is that the part you like has nothing to do with religion. The "promptings of the holy ghost" is just another way you have to listen to yourself. It's only a part of Joseph's church because he took it from the other protestants and then sprinkled in what he knew about folk magic.

Mormons don't bring anything original to the table except for Joseph's wild frontier hippy tale, whitewashed until it gleams. Any spiritual insight they can offer is available much better elsewhere at a much better price. Moneywise and soulwise.

Hey everyone. Figured I'd let you in on the scoop. I am no longer in Utah, I landed a permanent job in Washington state. I am so happy to get out of Utah and to be in a place where religion is on the back burner and people are genuine and real. Where I am people are living their own lives and thinking for themselves. And, I'm having some great sex with a non Mormon! Life is great. Stay frosty.

Thanks for checking back in, Mountainbike. Good to hear from you. Enjoy your summer!

It takes a good three years after a major move to finally wake up one morning and feel like things have fallen into place. You may have to go through the lonely phase for awhile. It's part of the readjustment period. In the mean time, go about your business of work and recreation, and a friend or two will probably pop up where and when you least expect it. You might try pursuing a hobby where you'll find like minded people. I've heard that friends are often found when walking a dog.

If you feel that you must mix with Mormons, keep it to social activities. Church services are into heavy indoctrination and mind control.

I understand the difficulty of making your way into the adult world, but beware, and be aware.

I was a convert to Mormonism at 18. I was a shy kid who grew up in an alcoholic home and needed a place to belong. The LDS kids I knew were good kids who seemed to take the higher road.

Initially, the Mormon Church provided me with a caring community. I was a "golden convert" meaning that I didn't question anything I was taught. My initiation into Mormonism included lots of instant best friends.

Within a couple of months of membership, I moved and transferred to BYU, hence my screen name. At the Y, I started to learn that I was not as good as the Mormon kids born into Mormon families. For example, my parents didn't pay tithing, so I was expected to pay tithing on the money they gave me for school.

I never served a mission--after one or two dates, women wouldn't date me because they "always dreamed of marrying a returned missionary." Gradually, Mormonism stripped me of all of my self esteem--it made me feel unworthy and small.

As I got older, I started to ask some simple questions about the faith. Initially, I was told that was okay, but I was cautioned that my testimony was determined upon my righteousness. I was a single young man and confessed to masturbation. I was ridiculed by a member of the stake presidency, and told I was disgusting.

Mormonism can be very seductive at the beginning. After my questions deepened, my Mormon friends stepped away from me. When I finally told people that I no longer believed in Mormonism ALL of my long-term Mormon friends shunned me, including the best man at my wedding.

If you continue to cozy up to your LDS friends, they will soon "love bomb" you. They see you as a potential convert only. Start questioning, and you'll see how quickly their friendships change. For example, try asking them what they think of the LDS essays and Joseph Smith's marriages to young women and his proposals to married women.

I live in the middle of one of the most homogenous Mormon communities in Utah. I have tried for many years to be friends with my LDS neighbors, but the cat is out of the bag--I left the church, therefore I'm not friend material.

Please consider what I have written and ask yourself if you really want a life based on a lie for short-term friends? Look at clubs, groups, and faith communities that appeal to you. Always find out how welcoming and accepting they really are of others who are different. In other words, are they inclusive of all, or are they a private club for members, aka, the Mormon Church.

Very best wishes!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/05/2016 12:18AM by byuboner.

"...listening to yourself..." sounds nothing like mormonism.

You might give the UUs a try. Their services are interesting, they won't care what you do or do not believe, and they serve coffee. :)

Apart from that, just reach out to people. Ask someone who is friendly if they would like to go to a movie, a concert, shopping, a hike, etc. Not every invitation will result in a friendship, but no one will be offended that you asked.

I second Topper's suggestion -- if you feel you are ready for a pet, get a cute, friendly dog. You can meet lots of nice people while walking your dog and going to the dog park.

Your screen name is mountainbike, and you are in a great place for that! Find some fellow cycling enthusiasts, and join them for a ride. Get out on Sundays when the Mormons are in church for half the day, and go bike riding, snowboarding, skiing, or hit the golf course. You are bound to meet fun people by doing any of the above.

Good luck to you and do report back about your adventures!

They offer instant friendship and community. That's their job.

Remember, if it's too good to be true, you need to be cautious.

Find a better, more realistic community in another church. It might take longer to feel accepted and find friends, but the community and friendships will be more authentic.

Try several churches over a number of months, then settle into the one you like best.

Good luck.

I'd suggest that you keep looking and find a better match for you.

As attractive as the LDS Community may appear, it will only make you feel even MORE isolated if you attend but do not believe wHOLEHEARTEDLY. And if you are a person who likes to study and think things through, I can't imagine that you'll ever be able to believe it wholeheartedly. Not much is lonelier than sitting in the midst of a large group but not really feeling a PART of that group.

Now members do tend to be SUPER friendly and inviting when you are a visitor or an "investigator". And I don't know about your particular meeting you attended, but sometimes they prepare special meetings that are geared to appeal to potential new members and they encourage members to "bring a friend". Most church meetings, however, are NOTORIOUSLY boring with only occasional moments of inspiration.

Once you join TSCC, you will be pressured to pay 10 percent of your gross. You will be pressured to be a janitor to the church building. You will not be allowed to question anything outside the standard dogma, no matter how unreasonable it sounds. You will not be seen as dating or marriage material because you are not an Returned missionary. You will always be a 2nd class citizen no matter what you do. Join only if you are ready to fully accept the above. Otherwise, follow the guidance of the other posters. Find another church community. Most are supportive and don't straitjacket you into a strict belief and payment system. Join a meetup group, etc.

Stay far away from cults. Don't even give them an inch. They prey on lonely, young, naive people. Take the advice from others here. Learn what you can on line instead of from high-pressured missionaries. Don't make any commitments to your Mormon friends that you are not comfortable with. Read up on cult tactics, arm yourself with knowledge.

Think about what interests you and go to meet ups, lectures, clubs, etc where you are bound to meet like-minded people, and who will not pressure you to join up. See what your community offers for free or at least for a minimal fee. I don't believe anything is worth the price you pay for joining a cult. And saying No to your Mormon friends is worth any temporary anxiety you may feel for hurting their feelings. They will be "kind" to you as long as they think you are interested in joining their church. Once you nix that, they will move on leaving you high and dry. It's because they have ulterior motives, not because you did anything wrong.

And hey, if you don't believe us, test it for yourself and report back. I cannot stress it enough----cults are nothing to mess with. They don't care about you and your well being. It's like developing a cancer. It's just not worth it.

Speaking of being rejected by TBMs holding out for a RM, you could point out that some of the freakiest murders in history involve RMs. When RMs break bad, they break really bad.

Specifics, bradley. I want specifics. I believe you, but I am twisted and I want specifics.

That's the worst reason to make a life change which involves joining a religious cult.

I suggest you cool it a bit with these "friends" who are manipulating you.

Reach out to another church with doctrines and practices that better suit you. Take a night class. Join a bird watching, cooking, or hiking group. Say hi to your nonmo neighbors or coworkers.

You might not realize it, but it's inappropriate for coworkers to proselytize in the work place. A good rule for work is to avoid talking about religion, sex and politics.

"...avoid talking about religion, sex, and politicS".

I agree.

(But isn't it interesting that those three things basically dominated JS's theology/philosophy).

Those three things motivated him, I guess, when you look at the foundations of mormonism.

my two cents.
JB

Glad to hear our mounatinbiking friend has decided not to join the cult.

Lonely?- At 26 years old, I'm sure you can find a bunch of hobbyb interest groups near you with people you could become friends with. Sport, art, music, heck: try something totally out of your comfort zone and learn a new language at a night class or something (you can often find short introductory courses for like 6 or 8 weeks, so you can master the basics). Learn a martial art, or self defence skill: like Krav Maga or BJJ.

Go to a standup comics lounge and have a laugh. Visit an old folks home once a month and play checker with some awesome old people who don't have anyone to visit them. (I've done this myself it's been rewarding both for me and for them).

Spiritually interested?: Thousands of resources out there you could find pretty easily with the click of a button. (or hey, ask people in this forum about their spirituality).

or you could take some LSD and listen to Jim Morrison and the Doors really loud, and read the Book of Revelation while high. See what that does for ya.

*kidding about that last bit.

Cheers,
JB.

First of all, don't forget that Mormonism is full of secret doctrines you will not hear about first. Don't forget that they practice bait-'n'-switch with their doctrine. They will reel you in with certain Mormon-Lite "doctrines" and promises, but once you're in they will begin peeling the onion to expose you to things they wouldn't tell you about when you were investigating. As they peel the onion, you get exposed to the batshit crazy things that you would not have bought into had they only told you about them before you got baptized. That's why when you have a question about some deeper subject, they tell you that you have to have "milk before meat." It's very dishonest, and if there were anything great about Mormonism, they'd be open, honest, and shouting it all from the rooftops. But they don't, because frankly, they're too embarrassed about the nuttiness of it all.

I wholeheartedly agree with Myron. Well said.

"Milk before meat".

I must've heard that line a hundred times. Always make me laugh.
Ha. That means missionaries are the Boob.

Religion aside, you are settling for less than you could have. You know it.

You are young. You can still build any life you want. Don't settle for this mess that is Mormonism. They are not your only option.

“It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving, it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe.”
― Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

Be true to yourself. I would explain to your mormon friends that you are living the article of faith 11. Living life to the dictates of you own conscience. Not some prescribed conscience.