I'm approaching 30 and I've noticed that there's been rapid mental changes in those in my age group in the past 5 years or so, including myself. Old friends who were JackMo's as teens and didn't serve missions seem to be flocking to TBM activity, even a few Utah nonMo's who are converting to Mo'ism. Of course I also know a few who were TBM's and have since defected in this same late-20's timeframe.

I've heard of something called quarter-life crisis that occurs in a person's late-20's. It involves some extent of personal upheaval due to things like settling into a career or marriage and perhaps things turning out to be dissimilar to expectations. Various psychological responses come with this.

I realize there could be more to this than age, but would you say people tend to change permanently in this time period, or is it more like a temporary diversion perhaps similar to a mid-life crisis? Is this an age in which people tend to finally "give in" to their parents' view of things and "grow up" after they've been shell-shocked by early adulthood, or in other cases finally discard the teachings of parents?

I'm primarily interested in personal experience. Hope everyone has a good week.

What is a JackMo?? I would think in Utah, it would be more relevant for more people to join Mo'ism as opposed to here in southeast. We have Lds churches, etc. but not nearly as prominent.

A jack mo is someone who usually completely believes the mormon cult is true, but they don't live the tenets. They often drink and have sex outside of marriage. They usually don't attend services either, or pay tithing.

When I was a jack mo, I would ferociously defend TSCC if anyone said anything negative about it. I honestly thought most of them, and definitely the old guys in SLC, were completely honest, nearly perfect humans living godly lives, and that they were that way because they belonged to the one and only twoo church.

I was a jack mo from about 20. I was one of those incredibly annoying jack mos who didn't live the WoW or moral code at all, but KNEW TSCC was true and everyone in it was good and honest, and that was the only true way to live.

At around 30 I decided it was time to get back to the church, find a mo guy and settle into having kids. So I went to the Deseret bookstore and bought some lovely books that taught me so much about moism that I completely stopped believing. I formally resigned as soon as I figured out that you could, which wasn't till a decade later.

So yes, that was about the age I decided it was time to figure out how I wanted to live the rest of my life and Just Do It as someone once said.

who believes all the basic tenents of the religion...just dosen't want to go to church all the time or live by its rules...but will defend the faith till the day they die!! at least that is what i percieve it as.A.K.A. Jackmormon...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/25/2011 09:08PM by bignevermo.

I've had suspicions and doubts since I was in the MTC. I am now 46. It took me that long to find my way out. I'd say its permanent. You can't unlearn things that you have learned. OTOH, there is a fellow in my old ward, about the same age as I, that got baptized just under a year ago, thanks to a jackmo wife that decided to come back to church. Maybe it takes some people that long to wise up. I feel jealous when I read about all the young people that leave the church as soon as they leave their parents house. They saved themselves a lifetime of servitude in the church and thousands of dollars in tithing.

I think that the 20's are oversold. It can be a tough decade. You're trying to find your place in the adult world. You want to go out and have fun (the cute apartment, the social life, travel) but often can't afford it. If you are not yet married, the pressure to pair up can be intense, and if you are, you invest a lot of time and energy in establishing your family.

The 30's are a huge improvement, IMO.

My 20's just flew by. I was so busy then I don't remember much. The 30's we moved a lot while raising kids. It all came together in the 40's and no Mormon church to deal with either.

The 30s and 40s can be the busiest time of life for many people, especially if they're working and have young children or teens.

I do think that's a period where people stop and go, "Hey, this is not where I thought I'd be by this point in my life."

That can certainly spur people on to action, or have them adjusting their expectations and goals.

In my 20s I was idealistic. But I didn't have the guts, confidence or knowledge to stand up to authority figures. In my 30s I focused on raising my kids even though I had doubts about TSCC I figured I needed to raise my family with religious values. It was all about sacrificing for family in my 30s. And raising those kids. I conformed.

In my 40s I started to question a lot and got uncomfortable with what THE MAN was all about, since I was becoming THE MAN. I was losing respect for institutions because they were never what I had assumed them to be. I also was not comfortable with where I was in life because I expected much more.

In my 50s I do whatever the hell I want. Because I AM THE MAN. I am happy with simple things and comforts. I will not be bullied by stupid religious mind-games. I realize that we will never be what we thought we would be. We just are, and it is o.k.

I turned 25 and thought "Sheist I am a quarter of a century old." Now I'm approaching 50 and for whatever reason could care less.

I have always thought the women leave the church ealry, and if you could get them through there 20's being active, they would stay that way. Probably a stability factor.

The men, I thought they leave "The Church" later in life, probably has to do with trophy wives and silicon. But I'm not an anthropologist so what do I know.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/25/2011 11:53PM by tensolator.

I don't know that this is the answer you're looking for but there's a theory that we restructure our psyches more or less completely every 7 years. (Age 7, 14, 21, 28, 35, 42, 49, etc.)

I think it's true because I remember going through a completely new way of seeing the world at age 28-29. Some of it had to do with graduating law school but I talked to enough people the same age from different backgrounds who told me they too felt as though they had suddenly awakened and could see things clearly. Similar to what happens at age 7 and 14 where you change significantly in how you see the world. (The next seven year cycle at 35 was a crisis point for me.)

In any event, those restructurings are just reorganizing of ourselves pyschologically, giving up what is no longer useful, taking in new values or expectations, and giving different priority to things that were very important. We respond to that restructuring of our psychological framework in different ways.

Needing stability and constancy is often a reason people return to church. Just like it's common to convert to something at 14-15. It may be an age related vulnerability that you're noticing.

those who were "wild" in their 20s who are my age are now devout mormons--my cousins especially are the ones I've noted. (I'll be 54 soon.)

I don't know a lot of friends of mine or family members who have left the church in the last 15 years except me--and I was the really, really devout member of my entire extended family. I did start having doubts at age 25, but got roped back in for a while.

I will never go back.

I have cousins who have only recently been sealed in the temple in their 60s--who were never active until the last 10 or so years.

What I've actually noticed more is about age 38 to 42--many marriages of my friends broke up during this time period.

My thought is the return to the church is due to having children, which creates a sense of vulnerability and a need for a supportive community in which to raise them. People naturally turn to the community they know best and that is the one they were raised in themselves.

I call it The Gauntlet. I noticed around that age -- somewhere between 27 and 33, give or take -- that just about everybody goes through a whole bunch of crap all at once.

Often, it has little to do with a person's actions. Usually, it's just a whole bunch of crap all at once. For example: You might lose your job and then your relationship falls apart. The car breaks down and your house gets robbed. Your kid gets sick, you lose a parent or grandparent. I can't tell you how many people (just about everyone I know) who have been through this Gauntlet of crises.

I think it's really just a matter of finally being adult enough to be included on the decision-making (or be the primarily responsible decision maker) -- when you're young like that, it seems like you shouldn't have to go through so much stuff at once.

The key is how you handle it and what you learned about yourself when you finally come out the other side. I think very few people actually '"give in" to their parents' view of things.' Usually what happens is people start to realize that they are in control of their own choices and decisions and it's these Gauntlet times that test us and teach us how to make good decisions for ourselves and our families. Remember, the brain isn't fully formed until the mid-20s. People have generally been making semi-bad decisions sometimes until then. Sometimes the results of those bad decisions come to fruition all at once and it takes a strong person with their head screwed on straight to sort all that out. I think a lot of people come out the other side stronger, more mature, more capable and better able to handle other kinds of crises.

I heard the term "quarterlife crisis" for the first time just last week while watching "An Alternative to Slitting Your Wrists." I googled it and learned about books and websites on the subject. I wish all that information had been available when I was in my 20s. I have four grown children, three of whom are in their twenties and one who has just turned 30. It's been painful to see them struggle, although they all seem to be coming out the other side intact. I wouldn't go through my 20s again for anything.

I think I've changed the most rapidly of those I know in my age group. These changes were accelerated once I left Utah. The week before I left I remember defending polygamy to someone, which is astonishing to me considering where my head's at now. It's difficult to see Utah friends (on facebook for example) who are unable to evade the Utah mentality. I feel it's due to the lack of cultural diversity there. When I lived there I had no idea the extent of groupthink that prevails.

I also attribute my mental changes to freer access to information via the internet that wasn't available to prior generations. That, and I understand the two-income household was only the norm since about 1980? With both my parents working, combined with their general negligence, there was left a "values-vacuum" in my head that was filled by whatever was available in my formative years; other latchkey siblings, media, friends.

I started getting pretty cynical about everything in my early 30's. In my 20's I saw the world the way I wanted it. Reality bites.

Yeah, I'd say the mid to late 20's are pretty pivotal for most people's lives. I think by age 30 people finally reach full adult maturity and start to take their lives more seriously. At the same token I think people become more stubborn in their views and don't change much after that.

The young Jack Mo's you are talking about most certainly already had a belief in Mormondumb but just didn't take it seriously until they were able to sow their wild oats and mature into full adulthood. Yeah, I've experienced the same surprise even finding out people who I couldn't even conceive of being Mormon suddenly going to church and getting married in the temple.