These are useful for all you manly Mormon men:
1. Thou shall not rent anything rated R
2. Under no circumstances may two men share scriptures.
3. Any man who brings a camera to bed may be legally killed and eaten by his wife.
4. When you are queried by a buddy’s wife or Priesthood leader, you need and should provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts.
5. Unless he murdered or molested someone in your immediate family, you must protect a friend out of prison using your Priesthood authority.
6. You may exaggerate any offerings other than tithing by 50% without recrimination; Exception: When trying to teach about tithing, the allowable exaggeration is that you pay on gross and not net.
7. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is immediately a potential mate.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 50 minutes. For a wife, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of righteousness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
9. Complaining about caffeinated soda is forbidden. You may gripe if the atmosphere is unsuitable like at church.
10. Before dating a buddy’s ex, you are required to ask if she is a virgin; and he, in return is required to answer it.
11. Women who claim they “love The Gospel” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the church and the ability to pick out a Mormon attempting to pass themselves off as a TBM.
12. If a man is unendowed and lacks some priesthood, that’s something you must play off of in treating him as an inferior.
13. The universal compensation for buddies who religiously help members move is callings that require priesthood to have.
14. Your wife must not bond with your buddies’ wives and within 30 minutes of seeing those women at church must have something negative to say about them. You are required to be friendly to her friends and that is all the law requires.
15. When stumbling upon other guys doing church related stuff, you always ask if they need help, but you may never ask what they are doing. Having The Priesthood you should just know.
16. When your wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if he has the priesthood.
17. It is permissible to consume a caffeinated beverage as long as it’s free.
18. Unless you’re going to have sex, never look at your wife naked.
19. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must refrain from looking at her or respecting her like he does his wife.
20. If a buddy has to go give a blessing or help someone move, you must jump in and help.
21. Friends don’t let friends wear colored dress shirts. Ever. Issue closed.
22. Never hesitate to reach for the last slice of pizza or a second helping of refreshments.
23. If you compliment a guy on his outfit, you’d better be referring to his white shirt, suit and tie.
24. Never talk to a man in the church bathroom about anything but church unless you’re on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
25. If a buddy is into singing hymns in meetings he presides over, you must join him ...even if you sound gay singing.
26. Before allowing a friend to cheat on his wife, you must attempt one intervention.
http://solanobilitasvirtus.blogspot.com/2010/09/many-tips.html

- Think you are god's gift to women since you did go on a mission. And if you didn't, shame on you!
- Be arrogant, you have the power of God bestowed on you!
- Be self-rightious, afterall God is on your side!
- Be meek, this requires some acting skills and the ability to modulate your voice during sacrament meeting.
- Using too much cologne is fine, washing your hands after number one is questionable.
- Always wear a tie on sundays. And remember that facial hair is evil, even though Christ supposedly had it.
- Don't play with your "factory", a real man get's all the action he needs from his humble wife.
- Be so busy with work and church that you hardly ever get to see your children.

I love this, also. They can be arrogant and then "appear" or come across as being humble and meek. oh well.

when my TBM daughter was in the next room. She is home for 10 days and she hates that I read this board. So--I burst out laughing over 2 men not sharing scriptures and she wanted to know what I was laughing about.

"Funny thing" is that we had just finished our discussion of mormon men--a guy who wants to commit to only talking to each other (she and him) and they've never met except on skype--as he wants to marry within the year. AND her friend who is in the MTC who was just "proposed" to by one of the other missionaries in her "district" as he received a revelation in the temple that she was to be his wife . . .

My sister dates a long-haired hippie--61 years old--who rides a Harley. She says all her co-workers think he is a "loser." I told her, "Nope, they are just envious as mormon women really do want a bad boy." Believe me--even my 25-year-old TBM daughter finds him HOT.

Most mormon men and mormon women deep down don't want the average mormon man or woman.

Only if one of the men is an investigator or inactive. If they are both TBM and one of them is missing his scriptures he really isn't TBM but a faker Mormon man.

In this day of smart phones EVERY MAN should have them handy at ALL TIMES. They should take the opportunity a bathroom break affords to read them while at work.

cl2 Wrote:
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> when my TBM daughter was in the next room. She is
> home for 10 days and she hates that I read this
> board. So--I burst out laughing over 2 men not
> sharing scriptures and she wanted to know what I
> was laughing about.

Elder Berry, that is great. Enjoyed reading this. Sounds silly, but, it's true.

- Missing your child's birth is fine if you are attending the temple or in a Bishoprick/Stake meeting. It's not your first kid and it will certainly not be the last.
- Supporting war is great. Those camel jockeys aren't even Christian let alone Mormon.
- Visits to hospitals to comfort the sick are a good way to make yourself feel worthy, but you cannot tolerate anyone supporting universal healthcare for the poor. If those poor people were Mormons you could help them out a bit sure, but raising taxes by $10 a week? HECK NO!
- Two men under the bonnet (hood) of a car at the same time causes extensive feelings of confusion and guilt. One man must always be standing.
- Polyester NEVER needs cleaning. After shave will disguise the smell of baby puke and sweat.
- Stick shifts are gay because there is a shaft and a knob, and mean a mans hand has to move towards another man's leg in the car - big no no.
- When it comes to culture, Schindler's List bad, Teletubbies good. The rating says it all. There is NEVER anything praiseworthy or of good report that has an R rating.
- God must like men more than women because women don't ever seem to enjoy sex.
- The dreams you have during wet dreams are repentable offences.
- Jock-itch during summer is a test from God to see if you wear your TGs.
- You believe your wife is aroused when you appear next to the bed wearing Y-fronts over your TG bottoms, Superman style, and a big hole over your hairy, white gut where the TG top has worn through.

ozpoof Wrote:
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> - God must like men more than women because women
> don't ever seem to enjoy sex.

Women can enjoy sex as much as men methinks. Only an evil god would give one sex a libido like rabbits and the other one not.