Posted by:
Brother Of Jerry
(
)
Date: April 28, 2011 05:52PM
A couple weeks ago I went back to my childhood home in NE Pennsylvania. It was my first trip back east in decades, and my first trip visiting HS friends and my Catholic/Russian Orthodox PA relatives since my departure from Mormonism. I also wanted to meet up with the eastern PA exmos, because I was curious what contemporary wards/branches in the area are like. Lastly, I got to see BoM Musical, which I reported on last week. Won't say more about that.
So, between my relatives, and the RFMers, some interesting things happened. I'll try not to do a "travelogue testimony" (Brothers and sisters, I stand before you to bear you my testimony that DisneyLand is True, and Fantasy Land is a precursor of what it will be like in the Celestial Kingdom.)
This is mostly for me. Secondarily for the people I was privileged to meet. There are no great revelations, crises, or questions, so if the rest of you are interested in what is essentially a long diary entry, enjoy.
Most of the people I saw mentioned it here on the board, so I guess it is safe to say they live in PA. Other than that, I will refrain from any IRL info that they haven't already been public about. It was hard to figure out who lived in eastern PA. Beth mentioned Philly regularly, and DebPA was, I was pretty sure, from PA. JaneBond462 used the word "anthracite" in one of her posts. Anybody who even knows what that is has likely at least visited Scranton, PA.
I contacted Beth, our favorite nevermo RFM Ward social director, who put out an message, and after getting OKs from all concerned, gave us each other's emails.
I only had time to meet during the workweek, and the people were scattered all over SE PA, so we couldn't put together a joint meeting, and I ended up meeting most of the folks individually. A raucous night of a roomful of exmos having burgers and beer would have been fun, but this worked out well too.
I met JaneBond and Beth for lunch and dinner Tuesday. Both are nevermos. Trying to explain to my HS friends why nevermos would be involved in RFM was a challenge. They gave me that quizzical look that the RCA dog gives to the Victrola. (Does anybody under 60 have any idea what I just referred to?? :)
JaneBond had in fact been to Scranton, and even mentioned Griffin Pond Road, which is a very obscure street in Clarks Summit that the Scranton Ward building is on. Small world. She was the only person who had not met any of the other RFMers in the past. She is now in touch with Beth, so that problem will probably be solved now that Beth is back as social director. :)
It was such a delight finally meeting Beth. IMO, she and Nightingale are two of the most reliable Voices of Reason around here. Almost everything they say makes Great Good Sense. Surprising how rare that is. I can't even do, and I really try.
I reported on our conversation in another thread the other day, which is enough of that. I apparently contributed to pushing her over the edge, and getting her back posting on RFM, so all the rest of y'all owe me one.
DebPA lived the farthest from everyone else, but she lived just 7 miles from the people I stayed with for 4 days. I was going to take them out to dinner to thank them for their hospitality, and DebPA and I have having a hard time finding a time to meet, and I had the brainstorm, why don't we all have dinner together. My friends are very cool, and they would love to meet an exmo, and that's what we ended up doing.
Funny side note - DebPA mentioned her favorite professor, and wondered in my friends knew him. "Know him? He lives two doors down, and was the godfather of 2 of our 3 children!" It is indeed a very small world.
My friends had only known me as a Mormon. They had given me some books which I still have as welcome-back gifts when I got off my mission. They were puzzled by the whole "mission" idea, and in fact, the whole Mormon idea. Both of them were raised Catholic, and had attended Catholic universities. OK, so that's the background.
We had a 2 and a half hour dinner. DebPA told us about her being a hormonal convert, and how she wrote about the dangers of that after she got divorced, and how Richard Packham had reposted her story on his web site. It was, in fact, an excellent cautionary tale.
DebPA and I were explaining the weirdness of Mormonism to my friends, and we would interrupt each other and finish each other's sentences. Back home that evening, my friends' comment was that the behind the scenes story of Mormonism is so weird, part of their brain wants to think this is just made up, or at least grossly exaggerated. On the other hand, DebPA and I, having never met before, were able to finish each other's sentences with no rehearsal whatsoever. This story can't be made up. It's gotta be as common as dirt if they both know what each other's story is, sight unseen.
I think that is one of the key insights of RFM, and the main reason I am here. I want to let other people who are leaving Mormonism, and are scared half to death, and think they are the only person who has ever gone through what they are going through, that in reality, their story is as common as dirt. You're not alone. I left pre-internet, and I thought I was alone. It was not fun, and I'm doing what I can to make sure nobody ever feels like that again. It's no fun, even with support.
But I digress.
Friday I had lunch will mellisma and a friend of her's who has not done a shout-out here on RFM, so I won't give her screen name. She was, however, a total hoot, so I am going to have to give some IRL info. I can't not mention our hour and a half book hunt through downtown Phuiladelphia, and that will require some IRL info. Pardonnez-moi. I shall refer to her as "friend".
OK. Having grown up in Pennsylvania, I had never been in the state capitol, Harrisburg, until I visited Beth. I had also never been in Philadelphia except to drive through once, and had only been in NYC three days in my life before this trip. I'd say I need to get out more, but I've been to Canada several hundred times, lived for a year or more in 4 countries (5 if you count Utah as a separate nation), and have visited 49 states, missing only Louisiana. I guess I don't visit that which is close by. Dumb, I know.
So, my first visit to Philly. I drove right down Broad Street from it's start way north of town, to it's end at City Hall. I parked in some catacomb under City Hall. It was (a) ruinously expensive, and (b) very hard to find my car again. "Friend" insisted on staying with me until I located my car, which was gracious hosting above and beyond the call of duty. Whew.
We all met at a Vietnamese restaurant just a couple blocks from the dead-center of downtown. Mellisma is a professional musician. I know enough about music to know I will never be a professional, so I envy people who are good enough to do that. She seemed to think she was a pretty ordinary person, with the great good luck to have been able bring some really interesting people into her life. I disagree strongly. There is nothing ordinary about being able to find really interesting people and getting them involved in your life. That is one of the best talents anybody can have, and it is not all that common. She also has brilliant and well-adjusted children, which is nothing to sneeze at either, though they are about to enter their teens, so the gaunlet is not run yet, but things sound promising.
Mellisma asked if she could bring an exmo friend. Friend turned out to be about 5 foot nothing and 85 pounds, with the energy level of a squirrel on speed. She builds electronic stuff. Current project involves blue lasers. BluRay DVDs took so long to develop because blue lasers are very difficult and dangerous to work with. Friend also working on a degree in computer security.
Long story short - she's on a first name basis with Don Knuth. For those of you in academic computer science, that is infinitely more impressive than having Steve Jobs and Bill Gates on your speed dial. If you type "Don" into google, Knuth's web page will probably come up on the first page of hits, definitely on the second page.
Well, we had a highly animated conversation on everything from Diffie-Hellman (friend gave mellisma a detailed exposition on it which was close to being over my head, and I have a degree in that type of math) to "Godel, Escher and Bach" by Douglas Hofstadter. Mellisma had not read that book (GEB), and the other two of us decided that simply would not do, so out came the smart phones, and we embarked on an almost two hour hike for bookstores in downtown Philadelphia to remedy this flaw in Mellisma's otherwise flawless general education. It was a memorable hunt, and a memorable meeting. We never did find the book, but that hardly mattered. Friend did buy a book on digital electronic projects!
I got twisted around when I emerged from the catacombs, and ended up driving south when I meant to go west. When I came to South Street, I remembered the song from the 1960s, and guessed that I was headed the wrong direction. I followed a parallel street to South Street out of downtown, the followed Market Street to the in-close western suburbs, where my cousin lived.
I hadn't seen my cousin in 40 years, essentially not since just after high school. We talked for about 6 hours. She had switched from Catholic to Lutheran, and had a son who showed no interest in either. She thought Mormons were perhaps well meaning, but kind of weird. She also though Mormons wouldn't drink "dark soda', because whenever my family came over to visit, her mom made her go out and buy orange and 7-Up soda, because "they're Mormons, and they don't drink dark soda." We had a laugh over that and several other idiosyncrasies of Mormonism.
When I left on the trip, I was warned by my mo mom not to tell my cousins that the temple work for their parents had been done. She had reason to think they wouldn't appreciate it, since they had resisted giving her genealogy information. I suspect she was right, and I didn't bring the subject up. I find it interesting that that particular Mormon knew that she had done religious ordinances for people whose living children would not have approved of. They are, of course, the ones in the wrong, because if they had a clue, they should be grateful that their parents can now enter the CK.
Don't get me started.
The next morning, I left at dawn, headed for Manhattan, and Book of Mormon, God's Favorite Musical. I felt bad that I didn't make it to Boston, but in retrospect, that would have crammed too much travel into the trip anyway.
I caught myself humming Paul Simon's iconic song that mentioned the New Jersey Turnpike as I picked up my toll ticket.
They've all come to look for America.