Good lord...

This is the message I got from my SIL on FB:

"Hi GR, just wanted to say hello and Happy Easter. You have been on my mind lately and I sense there is something wrong. Are you ok? How is DH and the kids? I don't know, just thinking about you guys. Cute outfit! Where are your Gs? When did that start? Is everything ok? I've been asking DH to do grandpa's temple work but he says he's too busy. He asked me to ask grandma but I don't understand why, he's my grandpa. Plus grandma is gungho catholic and I don't want to ask her. Anyway, just thinking about you and hope you guys had a good Easter."

My response:

Hi SIL,

We had a great Easter thanks! No, there is nothing wrong. Not sure why you feel that way. We are doing great! DH is working a lot as they just landed a brand new client. I've gotten a few new clients and am busy with the kids. You need to stop worrying about us because there's no need to. As far as doing grandpa's temple work, DH is honestly really busy and doesn't have time. And yes, you need to ask your grandma for permission before you do it. It's church policy. Hope you guys are doing well and hope you had a great Easter :)


"Hi GR, thanks for writing back. I usually don't hear back from you guys so I was really happy to see your response! I don't want to ask grandma. I know she'll say no. But it's the right thing to do ya know? Anyway, I just want you to know I'm here for you if you need anything. I see pics of you on FB and I get this overwhelming feeling that your salvation is in jeopardy. No offense. I just care about you guys so much. Tell DH to call me soon. Love, SIL"



O.M.G.

Insert SCREAM here! WTF is wrong with her?!?!?!

She doesn't even realize how offensive and rude she is. This shit is driving me up the wall. And all because I wore a sleeveless blouse on Easter (which was modest with a high neck and I looked fabulous in it by the way), and posted some pics of me and my family on FB.

Oh I defriended her LONG ago because of nonsense like this, but she saw them on DH's profile and decided to PM me about it.

My salvation is in jeopardy?!?! What the hell?!

Hey, GREAT!

You can join all the Evil Apostates in the whatchamacallit kingdom.
I hear the place really rocks!

Next time tell her "OMG!!! Were all goin to Hell!" Then see what her reply is! Ha ha!

I would add, "Don't people who unrighteously judge go to hell? I guess I'll see you there. I'll be wearing my unholy outfit."

So cute, garment-free outfit = salvation in jeopardy? That simple-minded thinking reminds me of the people on the news who say things like, "I can't believe my neighbor is a serial killer. He always waved and was so friendly."

I also love that she thinks disregarding your grandmother's wishes and doing an end-run around her to dead dunk your grandfather is okay, even if her church says that permission must be granted (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

Dontchya know, lying for the Lord is righteous, you garment-less, cute-outfit wearing heathen!

In my experience, setting boundaries with those kind of people doesn't work. The rules don't apply to them. I would either block her and totally ignore her or have a helluva good time f*cking with her.

I might add a jab about the church taking heat in the news for dead dunking Jewish people without permission and how the church answered those claims with a pronouncement that church policy prohibits members from submitting names without the permission of the most relevant living family member, in this case, grandpa's WIFE! Way to shine a bad light on the church, SIL!

...I was stunned to find out that my neverMo Protestant Yankee greatgrandmother had been dead-dunked. I know each one of her decendants, their spouses, etc. and none of us is Mormon (I would have been more understanding if a decendant is or was a church member.) To add insult to injury, she had been dead-dunked on three separate occasions, and every one of those records had the dates of her birth or her death ever-so-slightly messed up. If you are going to insult my family by dead-dunking my greatgrandmom, can you at least get the details right? Morons!!

When I saw those records, I knew exactly the cold fury that Jewish people and others must feel when their neverMo ancestors are dead dunked. It is insulting beyond belief. There is no way that my greatgrandmom would have given the Mormons the time of day. Hands off of my family!

My greatgrandmom was a Mayflower decendant, so my best guess is that someone was working downward from my Mayflower ancestor. That, or it was a sideways move from a distant relative on the family tree. However it came about, it was *not appreciated*. Grrr!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/30/2011 01:04PM by summer.

Just tell her that no, your salvation is not in jeopardy. You are sure of your path in life and happy. Leave it at that, and don't answer further questions.

I gagged a couple of times reading this.
I know it doesn't matter that they dead dunk but it's incredibly insensitive and disrespectful. I'm guessing grandfather was catholic? I'd say that you should remind SIL that she is insulting not only grandfather but grandmother as well; but what do they care? She'll do their creepy dead dunking and pat herself on the back for being a good little cult member.

The principle of radical honesty would say you should tell her the full truth. I don't know where you are in your beliefs, but being completely honest is so liberating and worth the cost. If you are inactive or don't believe in the Church, can you tell her?

Oh I would LOVE to tell her 100% truth on where I stand but then DH's family would make his life a living hell. Just not willing to put him in that position. I already told him if he wants to tell his family and suffer the backlash, I'm totally fine with it and will support him 100% through the inevitable shit storm. But he's just not ready. And thus the ridiculous dance.

Use the exact words you included in your post to the BB..



O.M.G.

Insert SCREAM here! WTF is wrong with her?!?!?!

She doesn't even realize how offensive and rude she is. This shit is driving me up the wall. And all because I wore a sleeveless blouse on Easter (which was modest with a high neck and I looked fabulous in it by the way), and posted some pics of me and my family on FB.

Oh I defriended her LONG ago because of nonsense like this, but she saw them on DH's profile and decided to PM me about it.

My salvation is in jeopardy?!?! What the hell?!


If you do send the response like the above, you might get your point across. Good Luck

until she saw what you were wearing--and then acts like she has had some type of revelation about you.

It doesn't do any good to tell her "We don't believe, we don't go to church, and I'm just fine." They don't EVER believe you. It doesn't matter what you do, they have their own agenda.

I wish I could tell you something that would work. My aunt had her husband "order" me back to church and I blocked her e-mails and told her so. I even told her, "IFFFFFFF the LDS church is true, I'll take my chances. No way in hell I want to end up in the CK." She said she respected my decision and then every now and then she talks like I still believe.

Even my TBM daughter--I start to think she gets it and she told me the other day that I can download conference talks to my iPod. Blew me away.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/30/2011 12:42AM by cl2.

I really want to smack this woman upside the head.

Ask her how she'd feel if Grandma picked up her children to be baptized/confirmed into the Catholic Church because "it's just the right thing to do". Because Grandma undoubtedly DOES feel it's the right thing to do but hey, Grandma's got a clue about boundaries.

Stupid wench!

(Edit -- that was directed at your SiL, not at you.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/30/2011 01:08AM by Rebeckah.

An absurdity only present in Mormonism!

defriending isn't good enough, you have to block her as well. She will not be able to see anything you post or any pictures you put up, even if you share mutual friends. This way it closes all avenues to her seeing your pictures etc on facebook.

The usual TBM tactic is to put the inactive member on the defensive. Do not allow SIL (or anyone else) to do this to you!!!

A suggested reply to her:

“What I hear you stating is YOUR belief that if YOU chose to be inactive, YOUR salvation would be in jeopardy. SIL, you need to take a look at why you find it so threatening when someone makes a choice different from yours.

“DH and I enjoy being with people who are able to respect our choices and share in our happiness."

That is great advice! You are so right. Yes, I'm always feeling like I need to defend myself with DH's TBM family. No more! I'm just going to flip it on them because I'm not the one with the problems! Thanks for reminding me of that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/30/2011 01:31PM by goldenrule.

I like this response as well.

Is there one mormon that has common sense or courtesy?????

She wants to get you to talk about her church, because it's probably the only thing she feels comfortable talking about. She may have even contacted you for the sole purpose of talking about her church. Just keep small-talking her and ignore any attempts to talk about it. :-)