My daughter begged me last night to let her go to her YW's leader's house/best friend's home to watch the pomp and circumstance. My answer at first was "no... it's too late and you have school in the morning. We can DVR it and watch it together tomorrow." Of course, then she pulls the, "everyone elses mom is staying up with their daughters to be part of this once in a lifetime wedding." Of course, those moms don't have to get up at 5:30am to go to work (family prayer aside).

I didn't get married in the temple, but received my endowments and that's what scared and scarred me for life. I absolutely can not believe that these mothers, with a good conscience, can put the hopes and excitedment of such a beautiful wedding in these girls' heads only to have their expectations CRUSHED when they do get married. Any thoughts?

If their expectations are crushed, then their expectations were unrealistic. If they're still entertaining fairy-tale princessy stuff as an adult, they probably aren't ready for the realities of marriage. Just my thoughts on the matter.

4saken1...I am sure she means that the Royal Wedding was so lovely, no one was excluded due to religion, Dad walked her down the aisle, there were flowers, trees (that was so neat), photographers, etc. and this is something that the poor brainwashed Mormons girls won't experience. So although they PUSH girls to marry and marry young, it will be nothing like a normal wedding for them. This WAS way over the top-yes-especially the gorgeous church, but the general flavor IS what a mainstream girl has for her special day. Too bad LDS girls don't.

I think she was talking about the temple, not the royal wedding. We all know we aren't going to marry a prince in Westminster Abbey, but a lot of girls think the temple will rival the royal wedding and they are going to be very disappointe when the find they can't chose their guests, their clothes, their music and they get to watch a movie and learn secret handshakes while wearing ugly robes..



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/30/2011 02:00AM by bona dea.

Thank you. That's exactly what I was getting at. : )

The wedding has been replayed all day and evening - I imagine your daughter has seen it by now, one way or another.

My best friend (nevermo) and I were talking about it afterwards and we agreed that young girls tend to see "getting married" as terribly romantic, a chance to get away from the parents and all their rules, and "true love."

It may be any or all of those things. But then, again, it may not.

I think it would be a lot smarter of the church to put less emphasis on getting to the temple and more on what to do after you've been there - things like conflict resolution, money management, family planning, stuff like that.

Well, my situation is kind of tricky. My husband is a nevermo and I am still hanging in TSCC for all but the right reasons. My daughter sees the pictures of our weddng; it was really beautiful. I wanted to come out and just say, "Don't get your heart set on such a wedding filled with love and joy, because you will just be pleging your love to the church."

I am confused. You are not telling your daughter how HER wedding would be different from yours? If you married a nevermo I assume it was a civil wedding. It would only be fair to explain to her the difference, don't ya thinK?

If you do watch the royal wedding together, you could point out to her that a temple marriage won't be like that and give her some general details.You don't have to critical or tell her secret things. When I was 10 or 11, I watched Princess Margaret' royal wedding and loved it, but w hile I didn't know the details, I knew that if I went to the temple that many people would not be allowed to go, that I would have to wear garments and that my choice of wedding gown would be limited. I tried to convince myself that the temple wedding would be even better than Margaret's, but it was a hard sale and, frankly, I was jealous and wanted a traditional type wedding.

Any British bride can wear a similar dress. Church wedding ceremony wording is pretty much the same, churches are old and quite magnificent. They are decorated with flowers and the priest/vicar wears his glitzy robes. The organ plays and the bells ring, whilst the folks in the area will go outside to see a lovely bride on her way to get married, often in a Rolls Royce or open landau (depending on finances of course).

Seating is much the same and the father gives away his bride in traditional fashion.

Everything you saw is present in a church wedding over here, minus of course the pomp and circumstance. If a bride or groom is in service there will be a guard of honour and a bugle or two.

For one day a British bride can feel and look like the princess that she really is.

No sneaking into the mausoleum/temple to make secret vows to adhere to a cult.

My neice was married in the Stakehouse - the so-called big poobah church of the area. There were no flowers, benches were cold, no robes or flowers, lame music and no formal dress. Very lame and disappointing. They went to the temple to play games later that day and reappeared in the evening, by which time the reception was well under way so the traditional best man speeches and all the good stuff was out of the question.

The church spoiled it.

Briggy

Only our churches are not quite as old! :-)

What Mormon girls should take away from the royal wedding: you too, can have a wedding with many of the same elements -- a beautiful wedding dress of your choosing (and no need for silly "modesty" inserts,) no goofy robes covering it, a lovely veil if you wish, or flowers or jewelry in your hair, your father or other loved one walking you down the aisle, music, flowers, readings of your choosing, attendants who are an active part of your ceremony, absolutely everyone you want to be there, being there (younger siblings, friends from other faiths, inactive family members, etc.) You can even have it outside in a lovely, natural setting if you wish.

You just can't have it in a Mormon temple. And even having it in the local wardhouse or stake building might put a damper on many of the above elements.

brigantia Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My neice was married in the Stakehouse - the
> so-called big poobah church of the area. There
> were no flowers, benches were cold, no robes or
> flowers, lame music and no formal dress. Very
> lame and disappointing. They went to the temple
> to play games later that day and reappeared in the
> evening, by which time the reception was well
> under way so the traditional best man speeches and
> all the good stuff was out of the question.


Are you saying that the newly married couple were doing temple stuff....while the "regular" post wedding/reception was going on??

All the family (except the worthy few) went on to the reception venue (a Golf Club) and awaited the bride and groom who appeared much later. They had a 40 minute drive both ways to the temple.

Briggy

I wonder if I could bribe her to have her wedding out of the country for a beautiful civil wedding;she could do whatever in the temple later. It would be nice if her father and I could attend. But... she's very faithful, and I doubt she would be swayed. : ( Hopefully, I have a few more years to prepare.

I think a typical Mormon temple marriage was created on video and is available on line.

Show her the Royal Wedding, and several other weddings of different faiths and then the Mormon Temple Wedding.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/30/2011 05:19AM by matt.

I agree with you that it's a little over the top for girls to watch a royal wedding through the night when they have school the next day. I also agree that it impresses them with the idea that they need to have a "royal" or fairytale wedding.

My nephew married a bride who wore her wedding dress several times for a number of receptions and open houses after she wore it at the wedding. She got married for the wedding and was an irrosponsible and insensitive wife as soon as the festivities were over.

I think mormon girls who watch the royal wedding assume that their temple wedding will rival or in some ways exceed it because it will have the added demension of angels and God looking down fondly nodding approval. Many of them with wild imaginations and not too much maturity or insight might be fooled on their wedding days. I'm not sure.

But I am sure that too many girle, especially mormons, marry when they're too young and because they want a wedding and they're not ready for the reality of a marriage.

List the truth of a real marriage. Most of your life is hard backbreaking work. Anybody agree?

How many TBMs will be giving their testimony this Sunday that they "feel sorry" for Kate because she doesn't have an eternal family like we who have forsaken the trappings of the world for the eternal marriage we have through the gospel and temple marriage?

Poor Kate and her 'for this life only' marriage.

I would have let the daughter go and have fun with her friends.

Not everything works out badly in life, a lot depends on decisions we make and opportunities.

Anyway, here in California a lot of people stayed up to watch the wedding while sipping champagne. I did too.

She did go to watch the wedding. I watched it the next day after work and it was just as beautiful and amazing.

The Royal wedding was nice, however, now watch and see what happens with all the mormon girls...They are all going to drop out of school and marry the first thing that comes along...Probably a tree if it has the title RM on it! This is just an observation I have made over the years.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/30/2011 10:48AM by utahmonomore.

Speaking of weddings and "open houses/receptions"...The tackiest ones I ever went to were ALL Mormon ones. The one that was totally over the top was one I went to and when you put your gift on the table, a couple of pre teens opened them(I thought that the bride and groom were supposed to do that?), Then, they immediately gave you a pre-printed on the computer "thank you" for your gift note...Talk about NO class!! I also thought that thank you notes were supposed to be handwritten by the bride and mailed asap after the reception?? What was up with that? I quit going to those immediately afterwards. That brings up baby showers...Seems like the only reason that I was ever invited to those was to see how "good" of a gift I would give. I was always AWOL for those, and would ALWAYS get a call afterwards saying "We missed you, blah,blah,blah,etc,." I got the impression that they wanted a darned good reason why I didn't show or send a gift! I never gave em a reason for it. I still continued to get invites all the time though. Seemed like they didnt want me, just a gift!! I never caved in to either of those scams!

Amen, Sister!!

I never go to Mormon events anymore unless the bride, groom, mother-to-be is someone I actually know well.

My personal complaint: Mormon parents who tack the wedding reception announcement on work bulletin boards. Are they too cheap to send out personal invitations? Am I really expected to go or just chip in for the gift? I don't do either anymore.

The first time I was asked to chip in for a wedding gift for the child of a mormon coworker I gave $20. The person collecting it was shocked at the amount and asked me how much change she should give me back. The mormon standard seemed to be less than $5.

I had no idea the Mormon wedding standard at first. Went to a couple receptions expecting a celebration with food, music, dancing, typical reception stuff. The Mormon reception is cake, punch, something in cupcake rounds, and an assembly line. I stopped buying nice gifts. Buy a package of wooden spoons or dish towels, stick a bow on it. Thanks for the punch. In and out in 30 minutes.

I so agree....no hand written notes from Mormons who marry and many times, NO NOTE of any kind. That is so rude, unclassy and just shows how out of touch with etiquette they are. What a bunch of losers. They want our gifts if they know us nonmormons even just a little, but then can not relate to us in any way after....heck no.... You people are outsiders.

It seems strange a "Mormon sponsored event" would include a "regular" wedding since Mormons don't do weddings. How many of those moms got married in the temple? They know how it works. Why are they all excited about the royal, time only/not temple wedding. Mormon receptions typically suck too.

What these girls watched in that fairytale wedding was a whole bunch of stuff you won't see in the temple...their weddings won't be anywhere near what they're watching and maybe even fantasizing about when they grow up and find their "Prince Charming." The ring ceremony is a watered down piece of fluff that is meant to appease the people that got the boot, but can't in any way be better or more special than what just occurred in the temple. They suck.

It just seems odd to get all excited about this "once in a lifetime wedding" when none of the girls will get that in the temple and goes against Mormon teaching and beliefs as well.

As far as watching it with your daughter, I did point out that you won't see this in a temple wedding. All those people - Mothers, fathers, steps, sisters, brothers, little flower girls, BFFs, father giving away the bride -- won't happen in a temple. In fact, if my kids ever hit the temple, more than half the people important to them will be excluded. That's the fantasy Mormons should be instilling - temple, exclude everyone - not the royal wedding.

I was thinkin the same thing. Those mormon moms were all married in the temple and know that the real deal is not even close. When I say close I refer to a traditional civil wedding not royal. By the moms being there and encouraging this, it seems like they are setting their girls up for disappointment, especially if they don't explain what REALLY goes on. An of course, they can't so they wouldn't.