A couple of weeks ago I had to be downtown while my car was being worked on. It was one of the very few "nice" days we've had so I wanted to walk over to Temple Square and enjoy the flowers.

As usual, I was approached by two very cute young missionarionettes and they were very eager to show me the South Visitors' Center with the beautiful panoramic view of the temple.

I pretend (okay, "lie") about my association with the church, in that I always pretend I don't know anything so I can enjoy hearing any changes to their little presentation and at one point, the cute little blond missionarionette bares her testiphony that she knows the Bom, PoGP and Bible are the word of God.

I asked, "You believe the Bible is literal? That the stories actually happened pretty close to how they're described?"

To which Blondie issued the standard disclaimer about the Bible, "Except where it has been translated incorrectly, we do."

I asked, "So you believe there was literally a global flood?"

Blondie, "Yes." (Her taller, brunette companion also bears her testimony. "In the mouths of two witnesses shall all my words be established.")

I say, "Well, the Ark's dimensions put it at about 450 feet in length, and there are anywhere from 1.5 to 3 million animal species on the planet, many of whose ancestry science can easily trace back more than 100,000 years, not to mention another 10 to 30 million insect species. Do you really think that Noah could have gathered all those species into a wooden boat that was 450 feet long?"

The blond-haired missionarionette stood there dumbfounded with her mouth literally open.

The brunette missionarionette took over and said, "We don't always understand how Heavenly Father works, but we do know that the story is true."

I didn't press it any further, but the cute blond girl never spoke again in the next 15 minutes we were together, and the look of utter astonishment never left her face. She'd only been out a week or two.

I really wonder what was going on in her brain. I can't recall all the times things like that happened to me and I hung on.

But it was fun!

Proud to have broken bread with this heretic...

I can't seem to get out of there without having at least a dozen new deposits into the spank bank.

We haven't had any "nice" days in this hellhole in months! ;-)

Let me tell you...it was nice enough for me to point up at Moroni and say, "That's sure a pretty gold idol you have up on your temple. Who does it represent?"

I love to watch a good Mormon squirm.

Plant those seeds as often as you can. I bet that is fun to pretend you are not a member. Carry on!

Great going, Brian! :-)

oops I thought this message as in another thread!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2011 09:13AM by imalive.

Hilarious! I may have to use that little eye-opener, it's fantastic. Just how sheltered can you get?! Just wait until blondie meets someone who can sum up what a pile of crap the Mormon scriptures are too!

Missionarionettes is really a demeaning term. I'm surprised the church didn't think it up!

<smiley face with eye roll>

Awesome post. I couldn't resist doing the math:

Assuming that the ark only carried mammals, two of each, and using your lowest estimate of 1.5 million species, Noah's ark would grant half a cubic-foot for each animal. That's a volumetric analysis, and does not account for interior walls, floors, space to move, food, or air to breathe. It's also not accounting the entire insect kingdom.

Holy stuffy!

When I was a misshie, there were come backs for this kind of logical deduction such as God providing a way for it to happen, even if it meant preserving animals Himself through devine intervention while the animals that Noah gathered were more for his faith and works. Kind of like Nephi saying I will go and do the things which the Lord has commanded for I know he doesn't give a commandment in which he doesn't prepare a way for said commandment to be accomplished. I am paraphrasing.

I think this post is awesome though. It provokes deep stimulating thinking.

However, a more stimulating contemplation might have been asking them to compare article of faith #2 with the curse of cain and the lamenites. Or talking about the Journal of Discourses on BYU online Volume 13 where Brigham taught about the Sun being a celestial sphere and that ppl live on it (including the moon too). I think the dagger to the heart would be discussing the facsimiles in the PofGP.

Good discussion either way. Thanks!