She never went in. She turned off her phone and refused to answer her door when her HT's came by.
She really doesn't care what they do to her in their "Kangaroo Court" as she calls it. They have no evidence of wrongdoing, just rumors that started with her daughters. She has cut off all contact with them and refuses to play their games. She finds them hypocritical that they treat her this way because they all drank, had sex, and partied at BYU before they were all married. They lived it up and she never called them to repentance or judged them for their choices. And they have the gall to treat her the way they do without any knowledge or first-hand information.
She knows that they have to serve her with a notice to appear for a court and she thinks that her Bishop is trying to dig for information to use against her and she won't talk to him about her private life. What she does is her business and she is an adult. She won't let the church control her life or dictate to her who she should be friends with or spend time with.
She also mentioned that the Bishop wants her to stop seeing her counselor and use an LDSSS employee instead and he offered to have the Ward pay for it. She told him that her counseling sessions have been exactly what she has needed and that they are 30 years late. He brought up the CHI and told her that the church discourages self-help groups and other non-approved counseling but she said that she has made up her mind and will keep going. Besides, her insurance pays for her sessions so there is no out-of-pocket expenses for her to pay.
I'm proud of her and that she won't back down to them. She refuses to be controlled and will not tolerate their games. Hopefully we'll see her on RFM in the future.
Is there any confidentiality between an LDS-approved counselor and her bishop? I'm wondering if part of the reason the bishop is so eager for her to use a church counselor is because he will be able to dig up more "dirt" on her.
The client signs a release that information can go to the bishop. Even though the individual is called "the client," the real client of the LDSSS therapist would be LDSSS.
I hope your Mom knows how much I loved hanging out at your families home. It was a second home for me, especially when I got home from my mission. I'm saddened by your sister's reactions.
Keep me up to date here or on Facebook. Thanks bro
I'm glad she didn't let them beat her down. I hope she can continue to have this positive attitude about herself. Being judged on what other people say is INSANE. I hope those who do take a good look at themselves. There is an old song form the 50's called "before you accuse me, take a look at yourself"
Awesome! I'm sure she's feeling a lot of anxiety and stress about this but what a strong woman. I applaud her! When I left (the 1st time) on my terms I made the mistake of going to the meeting with sp, bp, exec secretary. I left tscc b/c of many reasons but b/4 the excommunication mtng beganm the secretary started screaming at the top of his lungs at me saying I was evil, my family will go to hell and that I was crazy. Sp nor bp said anything to him. They started the mtng (I told them I wanted out of church - they didn't have resignation in the 80's) while I sat there and told them I had done nothing wrong but that my baby died, my 4 year old lost his eye and I was too depressed to do my 3 callings and care for our other 5 children all under 8 yrs old, so I wanted out. At the time, I thought tscc was making me more depressed, I wasn't aware of the cult aspect for a while later. So sorry to go on and on. My point is your Mom is doing the right thing and I respect her strategy. She's calling the shots and has her power.
...when time has passed and you feel she would be pleased to hear it.
She is awesome at setting boundaries and insisting on them.
I'm sure that having at least one child who is proud of her has made a difference for her as well. Not all mothers who have left the church have had this advantage.
that is hand-delivered by "two trusted priesthood holders" (i.e. HTs). The summons will show the date and time of her love court.
In my case, the BP was too chicken livered to call me in in advance of the court, and my summons arrived unannounced with no notice at my home via the postal service. If they do this to her, it will be a certified letter. Unfortunately, I opened mine, but I did not attend. Had I not opened it and refused it, the result would have been the same: Excommunication.
Despite the gossip, unfounded and non-factual evidence the morgue supposedly has on your mother, the MO church requires that she proves her innocence.
The good thing about this situation, is that she has foreknowledge of what the situation is and won't be hit unaware.
My advice would be for you to continue to help her decision as to just where they can place their accusations.
Non-LDS counselling has been a big problem for the church. We have been counselled many times over the years not to trust non-LDS counsellers because they often point out things about the church that they feel is harmful. Over the years I have known two or three people who have gone to various counsellors and have reported that their case worker felt that it was the church that was hurting them. Naturally, the Bishop encouraged them to use the church services where they would get approved counsel.
There have been also the statements from the 1st Presidency over the pulpit read in Sacrament meetings to the same effect- members are discouraged from self-help groups and should be encouraged to use LDS counsellors.
My own experiences with LDSSS counselling has shown that they are really there to support the church and your Bishop, and that you as a person are not their first priority. Even as a TBM, I felt more comfortable paying for outside counselling than to have the church pay for gospel message reinforcement.
You see, LDSSS is like when you see a job performance counsellor at work- Although the details are not divulged to the supervisor, they do report on how you present yourself, whether you are making progress, whether you are open or closed to suggestion, and based on this information the Bishop will make decisions regarding your future.
and applauding her decisions and her commitment to doing what's best for her and not allowing those who are unqualified, uneducated and have and agenda that is not in her best interest to influence her.
Before they hold a court of love on her they need to hold a court of love on Monson and his gang of 14 for stealing money from the poor to build that godawful mall.
She done right! Must feel good to know the third hand gossip and rumors didn't affect her. Now watch all her so called "friends" drop away. Now the shunning and the gossip will explode in the ward. Some "religion". Tell her we all here support her,,and wish her the best.
I told my mother about your mother in a conversation recently. She had heard nothing. She was shocked and very emotional by the end of the conversation. Let your Mom know I'm praying for her.
All- thanks for the kind comments. We spoke this morning and she told me that she will soon put her house up for sale and move from the area. After what she has experienced these past few months she is more aware of what a controlling cult the church really is and how it destroys families.
She will be leaving a place where she has spent the past 35 years of her life and moving back to the town she grew up in and where she still has friends - true lifelong friends who still like her for who she is and not for what type of underwear she wears. It will be a rough patch in her life but one that will be good for her as she escapes the Morg's grip.
All over a new friend who happens to be non-LDS and male. Can you believe it?