That's what that church preaches...

Fear.

Fear of not being good enough. Fear of not making it to the CK. Fear of not being allowed in the temple, fear of not being accepted into the group.

When I left the church at age 28 I went rebellious. I wanted to know what life outside the church was like.
One of my best friends told me:
"Listen to your heart... Follow your dreams.."

But I didn't even know what my dreams were... I didn't even know who I was.
So I decided to find out.

The first time I went into a bar I was almost paralised with fear!
I had been taught all my life that such a place was of the devil. that evil things happened in there. I was always told the story of a pretty girl in a white dress going into the coal shed and even though she didn't 'do' anything, she still came out dirty.... the: God is watching you... fear of sin, fear of the ultimate sin of turning against the holy ghost...

I was terrified!!
Just walking into a bar.

I expected a bolt of lightning to come down and strike me dead...
I expected to see people with horns on their heads trying to claw at me with fiery breaths...

But I HAD to find out. I HAD to see for myself...

What I found was a wonderful, lovely Irish musician, who played the most wonderful happy music. We ended up chatting for a bit and found we had things in common.. we have been friends now for 13 years... he is a wonderful fellow...

I found people who were just having a good time. Enjoying a drink and a chat with others. I found the delights of nonmo music, I found men who thought I was pretty and attractive and I found the odd idiot who needed to be set straight...

Over the course of time I went back, again and again. On some nights I'd find idiots whom I didn't want to talk to, and on other nights I'd find lovely people to chat with, dance with, get drunk with and take home for a one-night stand..

But I will never forget that fear I had the first time I went into a bar.


Why am I writing this?
To give others hope.

If you are just leaving that church, no matter what you do,and no matter how lost and hurt and sad and alone you feel, please remember:

There is LIFE outside of mormonism.
Wonderful, glorious, happy, fun LIFE!

Don't let the fear that was instilled in you stop you from figuring out who you are and what you want out of life. Go out and experience. Then you can eventually choose the lifestyle that suits you.
And you will too, as I did, find that there is life after mormonism.

I remember experiencing some of the same feelings you did about bars, alcohol and hanging out with people who practiced alternative belief systems.

When I dropped my Mormon ego pretenses, I found that there were many really good people that genuinely liked me without preconditions.

Sure, there are always the occasional assholes who group together in churches, bars, etc. but generally, I had a great time and didn't ever feel pressured to drink.

It was an awakening for me and helped me realize I had lived a very sheltered life as a Mormon.

Right after I graduated from BYU, I moved back to CA and got a job at a university. Since I was only 22 at the time and my roommates were still in college, we decided it would be fun to go to a frat party on Halloween. A couple of us had LDS RM boyfriends at the time who refused to go with us and warned us we'd be sorry for going into that atmosphere. We ignored them and went anyway but left because of the "bad spirit" we felt there. As I got older, I realized the so-called "bad spirit" was just a bunch of naive Mormon girls feeling uncomfortable because we were out of our depth. There was really nothing to fear, although frat parties can get pretty wild.

I think a lot of times Mormons confuse their own discomfort at being socially retarded with a "bad spirit" or fear. If they can push through that, the reality is very different. But they've been programmed to believe that there really is something to fear so the Morg can keep it's members on a very short leash.

"Socially retarded..."

LOL!!
I like that one.

And how right you are!