Another Mother’s Day is upon us and we know we are all obligated to observe this special holiday in some way.
There is no reason to become stressed or panic.
With some forethought, you can easily fulfill your obligations to your mother or the mother of your children this Mother’s Day with little to no effort on your part.
Here are some suggestions:
1) Invent some high-tech underwear that picks itself up off the floor and puts itself in the dirty clothes hamper – name it after her.
2) Give her a prepaid gift card for plastic surgery. Enclose it in a personal note telling her you want to give her back the body she had before ruining it to give birth to you or your children. Also enclose pictures of smoking-hot movie stars to give her ideas about what kind of work to have done.
3) Design a trashcan with a built-in sensor that activates an audible alarm when the trashcan is full - saving her the trouble of having to constantly remind you.
4) Give her a book of homemade coupons of things you will do for her if you have time or after the ball game is over or when you can get around to it – be sure to include any unused coupons from previous years.
5) Hire a guy to come over, run her a bubble bath, and give her a massage.
6) Hire another guy to come over, clean the house, and cook her a candle-light dinner.
7) Anything to help her cook or clean make great gifts. All women would love to have a new spatula, a new blender or one of those cool modern mop thingys. Now would also be an excellent time to purchase that new home appliance you have had your eye on.
8) Don’t forget the Mother’s Day card. Hallmark cards are basically “the reason for the season”. In these modern times, Mother’s Day cards are written by highly paid trained professionals so you don’t need to spend time reading what each one says. They are all equally good so just pick one at random and be on your way.
9) If you have waited until the last minute, you can find many of the following items for that special woman at your local 24-hour pharmacy: wrinkle cream, a bathroom scale, stop-snoring aids, dieting / self-help books, PMS medicine, and hair removal products. Leave it all in the plastic bag they give you at the store so it will be kind of like a gift basket.
10) It is important to remember that it is NEVER a good idea to buy any woman knives for ANY occasion. Also avoid gifting her anything heavy like a rolling pin or an iron frying pan. Giving her some hunting equipment that you like is fine, but NO GUNS!
If you follow these simple tips, play your cards right, and avoid doing or saying anything stupid you will be almost guaranteed to get sex from your wife or a loan from your mother the next time you ask.
My Kindle and iTouch, from xmas and last mother's day, would have to go back to the store then! No way!
And hey, who's to say some woman out there (not me) wouldn't love an expensive hair straightener---or a tanning bed (again, not me) or some other electrically corded thing.
Safer maybe to just say this: take time to know your woman and if you're both into gifts on occasions like this one, get a gift that pleases her, not you. That pleases HER, not some other idealized and/or generic or previously known woman. Make sure you're not choosing with memories of your mom in mind, or an ex-wife, or girlfriend.
Some of us hate diamonds (me) and would prefer a diamonds worth of painting lessons, or a truckload of books. Seriously. A truckload would be just fine with me! Or maybe, bookbinding lessons...
While many of us like having this event marked in a romantic way, and in ways that show us you care about what we think and like, and appreciate us, lots of us might just be happy with a real day off, and no laundry or cleaning to deal with as a result of said day off, and maybe a romantic date where we dont have to book the sitter and restaurant, and feed the kids ourselves beforehand.
for # 3 "Design a trashcan with a built-in sensor that activates an audible alarm when the trashcan is full - saving her the trouble of having to constantly remind you."
Forget the audible alarm, have it disable the TV until it's emptied. that ought to get er done!
"If it has a cord, it's out"? What about vibrators? ;)
A local store had the funniest ad in the paper this week for Mother's Day advertising workout gear... yeah, tell your mom/wife that she needs to work out more... hope that marketing genius finds another job soon.