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Posted by: fmrly ExmoinCO ( )
Date: May 06, 2011 08:05PM

A woman just posted this to FB: "is gonna be cruising up Meltdown Lane if i don't get some alone time with Jesus soon!"

So I have to ask...would anyone here (gals or guys) admit to lusting for Jesus? Would you hump him if he was down with that?

We see how people just toss themselves at celebrities, can you imagine the amount of tail Jesus would get if he were so inclined?

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Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: May 06, 2011 08:10PM

Perhaps she meant time to pray or meditate or reflect. I can't imagine a Christian making a comment like this meaning it in the way you are taking it.

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Posted by: wittyname ( )
Date: May 06, 2011 08:12PM

lol, that's kind of funny. Coincidental, too, as I just randomly decided to check in with our favorite religion hopper, janis, to see which religion she's part of these days, and she has a whole series of posts about making alone time for god, how to decorate one's jesus space, etc http://lilpeasinmypodfromgod.blogspot.com/

Btw, there was an old cult out of Gainesville, I forgot the name, but river phoenix's family and rose mcgowan's family were part of it. The children? Children of god? I don't remember now, but they used to have a bunch of guides about including jesus in sex, like what sorts of things to call out to jesus (literally, not just the commonplace "oh god") in the throes of passion. I don't know if the pamphlets are online, after a major scandal they tried to make themselves seem normal. Might still be on rickross.com

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Posted by: Googler ( )
Date: May 07, 2011 03:07AM

wittyname Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> Btw, there was an old cult out of Gainesville, I
> forgot the name, but river phoenix's family and
> rose mcgowan's family were part of it. The
> children? Children of god? I don't remember now,
> but they used to have a bunch of guides about
> including jesus in sex, like what sorts of things
> to call out to jesus (literally, not just the
> commonplace "oh god") in the throes of passion. I
> don't know if the pamphlets are online, after a
> major scandal they tried to make themselves seem
> normal. Might still be on rickross.com

"Children of God". There's a good book about them called Jesus Freaks by Don Lattin. I have a copy on Kindle. Their story is really messed up, actually way more messed up than Mormonism. They have their own equivalent to this site, for ex-members, www.xfamily.org, with a pretty thorough wiki and an active forum.

I'll try to summarize the story. Started by a guy named David Berg, whose parents were both traveling evangelical Christian preachers. He goes into the same trade, with mixed success. In 1968, around the age of 50, he was in Huntington Beach, CA, where his mother had called him out to the area to preach to the hippie kids. His mother dies that year and he starts the Children of God cult, now calling himself Moses Berg and preaching end-times revelations.

Basically he was so shamed about sex and masturbation as a small child, that he was all sexually repressed, and when his mother died, he just went 180 degrees the other way and decided free love and no rules at all. And then proceeded to engage in his taste for pedophilia with young girls, including incest with his own granddaughters.

In 1975, Berg and his flock were on the island of Tenerife in the Canary Islands of Spain (they travel all around the globe in the course of the book) practicing "flirty fishing", where the female members would seduce the wealthy looking guys, preaching free love and Jesus in exchange for donations, essentially "holy prostitution." As part of this, Berg's second wife Karen Zerby (27 years younger than Berg) has a child with a hotel employee named Carlos, and Karen and Berg proceed to raise the child as their own, naming him Ricky Rodriguez, but also referring to him as "Davidito" in Berg's messianic prophecies.

They completely screw up Ricky's childhood by treating him like he's literally the messiah, and raise him in this hyper-sexual environment where he is basically molested by these two nurses, and his own mother, as well. Berg apparently had no interest in little boys, so Ricky was spared abuse from him, at least. What's more messed up, the cult documents and takes a whole bunch of photographs of the happenings and creates this 762-page childcare book called "The Story of Davidito" including photographs of the child molestation, which they send around to all the various satellite branches. The photos were heavily censored in subsequent versions of the book.

Ricky grows up to be extremely emotionally disturbed and breaks free of the cult with his then-girlfriend who was also raised into the Children of God, but wasn't witness to the pedophilia stuff that was apparently mostly confined to a core group of adults surrounding Berg and Zerby. Apparently the majority of the members throughout the world didn't take the story of Davidito into practice and molest their own kids, but I'm sure some of them did.

Anyway, Ricky formulates a plan to murder his mother, who becomes the head of the cult, renamed "The Family International", but she's very secretive and won't see him right away. He ends up meeting one of the nurses who raised him, and screwed with his head, and he ends up murdering her, and then fleeing, and eventually killing himself on his way to California. So, yeah, pretty messed up. And Karen Zerby is still in charge, along with one of the other core leaders, "Peter Amsterdam", running this secretive Christian group whose members probably don't know any of the sick story behind the founder.

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Posted by: Becca ( )
Date: May 07, 2011 03:48AM

Oh my.. I read a bit of this woman's blog...

Is she for real????

Like: Really????

*shakes head*

I feel sorry for her...

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Posted by: scarecrowfromoz ( )
Date: May 07, 2011 03:06PM

"I'm a young, fun mama to 7 blessings. I would like a few more, but I am not opposed to being done either. We have never been ones to attempt to control birth."

And the idiots shall overpopulate and control the Earth.

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Posted by: Kristindw ( )
Date: May 18, 2011 03:57PM

Check out Janis' blog. She is officially a "long skirt"! For a while she was my facebook friend until I questioned her new transformation following her bisexual leanings, etc and she "unfriended" me. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut because that was some GOOOOD stuff!

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Posted by: imsurrounded ( )
Date: May 21, 2011 08:09AM

Janis has had several sharp turns toward various religious permutations. By my count, it's been bisexual atheist, Mormon twice and at one point Temple-bound, baptist, Catholic, semi-quiverfull, and now she's aligning herself with the most conservative baptist/quiverfull/fundamentalist evangelical/Vision Forum types, in the same range as the Duggars. She'll burn out because it's not a group known for its warm fuzzies.

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Posted by: drewmeistercantlogin ( )
Date: May 21, 2011 11:03AM

You've GOT to read her post, "Created to be your husband[']s helper part 2".

"<i>We must nurture our marriage by putting our husband in line directly after God. </i>" Sounds like my wife could learn a thing or two from this chicky.

Seriously, this almost seems like a parody. This post in particular sounds like a rip-off of a 1950's magazine story that makes the rounds on the internet every now and then.

I say these things in the name of RaptorJesusChrist amen.

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Posted by: vasalissasdoll ( )
Date: May 06, 2011 08:18PM

That's interesting.

I doubt is was a conscious thing for her, but I've noticed that many of the women (in particular) who I've met and who feel a strong connection to Jesus have a slight romantic/sexual edge to that feeling. Subtle, but there.

After all...the modern Christian concept of Christ is at the same time virile and completely non-threatening. The perfect boyfriend in a way a real, living spouse will never measure up. This sort of woman has a spouse, but their emotional energy and devotion are all directed at Jesus.

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Posted by: hello ( )
Date: May 06, 2011 09:47PM

The Catholic nuns have already married the dude!

I suspect more than a few of the Mormon wives, who don't fully approve of their husband's ways, are secretly planning to marry Jesus, or Old Joe, once they get shed of DH. Check out the pic posted here last week of "Jesus and the young women (wives?) from a Norway chapel.

This is all part of the sacred doctrine taught by Joe and BY that a sister could trade up to a priesthood man who holds a higher office than their own Dhs.

So husbands, look out! Your DW will be dumping you fast after she dies. And Jesus will be eternally boinking more ladies than any man in history.

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Posted by: bubbleboy ( )
Date: May 18, 2011 05:25PM

It reminds me of this great song called Jesus Stole My Girlfriend, I think by the Violent Sohos.

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Posted by: Persephone ( )
Date: May 07, 2011 02:00AM

There is an awesome song about this in the musical Hedwig and the Angry Inch titled "Nailed". (also Hedwig and the Angry inch is an incredibly good play.)

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Posted by: emmasforever ( )
Date: May 07, 2011 02:00PM

I once saw this on a billboard while driving through Kentuky or Tennessee "Behold! I Cometh Quickly! - Jesus the Bridegroom" It led me to think that must have been a disappointing wedding night.

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Posted by: foreverhuman ( )
Date: May 07, 2011 03:27PM

Ha ha! That made my day!

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Posted by: schuwomann ( )
Date: May 07, 2011 02:47PM

My co-worker is always talking about her church, trying to get me to go with her, quotes the bible, etc. Anyway, one day we were talking about sex and she told me she was trying to abstain from fornicating. She said "I have sex with Jesus." As I stared at her, slack jawed, she explained "Whenever I get the urge to fornicate I just call on Jesus. He penetrates me."

I could not help busting out laughing. She was serious, though. I just could not believe a christian would say that.

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Posted by: WinksWinks nli ( )
Date: May 18, 2011 05:10PM

He doesn't look a thing like jesus,
But he talks like a gentleman,
Like you imagined when you were young...

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Posted by: drewmeistercantlogin ( )
Date: May 21, 2011 11:05AM

I never felt attracted to the Jesus paintings, especially the burly, white-bread marmon ones. Now if they did some Jesus paintings using Rudy from Dexter season 1 as the model, I might change my tune a bit.

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Posted by: elee ( )
Date: May 21, 2011 11:19AM

This thread reminds me of this hilarious clip of Denise Richards dancing with a Jesus dummy. So freakin' funny!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0BatT0qYhw

Actually, I highly recommend this movie. Hilarious!

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