I had a horrible day at work. My job is extremely stressful, but quite rewarding. The past month or so has been more stressful than usual, and I've been getting migraines and occasionally sick to my stomach.

I started to get chest pains yesterday, and my arm got tingly. I was somewhat concerned, but tried to ignore it.

Today, the chest pain was worse. The nurse at work could tell something was wrong and we talked about my symptoms. She told me to go to the ER to get checked out for potential heart issues.

The EKG and cardiac enzymes were normal, but my blood pressure was pretty high. They determined that stress is most likely the cause.

So this is where it gets bad. When I returned to work, my boss rails me. She tells me that I'm a clinician, and have no excuse to let stress get to me, and that in her eyes, I must not be cut out for the work anymore. She was yelling at me and basically told me to let her know if I can't handle the work.

Funny thing is, my brain doesn't feel that stressed. I obviously have been internalizing it subconsciously and my body is sending me messages. Yes, I'm a clinician, but I'm also human.

The other people at work came to me afterward and told me what a positive difference I'm making in the kids lives.

I just don't know if I want to work for someone who will treat me like that, and apparently doesn't value my contribution.

What would y'all do?

If you have an opportunity, go somewhere else to work. You will feel better and not be stressed by your boss. Life is short and when you are not comfortable with your boss your body reacts. You need to get going elsewhere IF you have a place to go. My friend has a mean boss and she did have two heart procedures and I bet they were from stress in the beginning. Don't allow a person to ruin your health.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/12/2011 09:14PM by honestone.

Working for a female boss is notoriously stressful, sorry to say.

Either yell back or start working on your resume.

Such crap is not worth putting up with.

Excuse me, mean people come in both genders. No need to indict all women managers.


Anagrammy

I had a boss like that who called me in for a "review" every week to recite my mistakes. She was quite a bit younger than I am and one day I said to her, "You know, management by criticism is probably not a technique that's taught at your MBA program. Have you ever thought of trying something more effective? She replied, "I am very smart--" I interrupted her and said, "Then you must know that studies show conclusively that ignoring the mistakes of subordinates and providing positive feedback on their successes is much more effective."

She suddenly terminated the meeting without a word and a few days later several coworkers asked me what I said to her because she was "so different--much better."

So not taking it personally and offering a reality feedback statement on her skills ( without being snarky) can be effective.


Anagrammy

I'm a woman boss since I own the business and I have no problems with my employees..always make sure all their needs are met at work and personally..it's the only way to be..that said I've had some bitches as bosses..never want to be like that.

stormy

First, take a deep breath. Second, recognize that posting here is one way of relieving stress the people are just terrific, so you are on the right track. And your coworkers made a point of telling you that you are valued--how cool is that?

Which tells me and should tell you: this is not about you, it is about having a 'toxic' supervisor/boss. It is not your fault and you are not a bad person.

Sadly, though, it sounds like your health may be at risk here. But only you can decide when to say you have had enough. I feel for you--I have been in your shoes and there are no easy answers. But you have my best wishes and good thoughts.

What advice I can give you is to have an updated resume and do some networking in your field of expertise. Then, if you do decide that your work environment is too hard on your health, you can find another place, or you may find that just seeing your experience and abilities in print is a reassuring reminder that you are not the problem but a working part of the a solution to a problem.

Good luck!

if you're counseling kids, it's bound to get under your skin every once in a while. You might want to unload a little bit on your own therapist and take some time to get re-centered...exercise to relieve stress and that kind of stuff. Your boss has some pretty outrageous management skills.

She was yelling at you? Really? Maybe *she's* the one who's not cut out for the work. My typical response to that is, "I'm not yelling at you, so why are you yelling at me?"

I'm not a medical professional, but your symptoms seem similar to my own anxiety attacks. My feeling is that if the situation has gotten that far, a change needs to be made. It could be the same type of work, but just a different setting or a different boss.

If it's any help, I work with at-risk kids, and I can tell you that people who do that almost never get appreciated for the work they do. In fact, you will often get torn down emotionally and professionaly just as you have already been. It's horrible, and a weird pathology of the job, but that's how it is.

A few of my coworkers have taken off a week or two at a time this year due to stress-related illnesses. So what you are experiencing is not unusual at all (and they've gotten a lot more understanding than you have.)

As a point of comparison, a friend of mine who is a human resources executive for a Fortune 500 company says that about ten days off a year for illness and personal business combined is about the norm for most employees. I was surprised by that (it seemed rather high to me,) but she says that it is indeed the norm for her company.

Before you make any decision you might regret, take a step back, weigh the pros and cons and see if there are any other opportunities available. I don't know what the answer is, but don't do anything while you are angry. You might also consider going to her superior if she has a habit of going off on people especially in front of others. If she does-document.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/12/2011 10:16PM by bona dea.

same symptoms. Next day it disappears like nothing happened.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/12/2011 09:13PM by quinlansolo.

Thank you for your responses. They provide me with a rational perspective while I am wanting to react on impulse. Y'all are great :)

Haha! I need to put that phrase up in our breakroom...

#1 Make an appt IMMEDIATELY to get the blood pressure monitored. If you are given a prescription, take it just as prescribed, not "when you feel like you need it." High blood pressure kills.

#2 Go see your supervisor's supervisor. Explain the "conversation" with your supervisor. Then say that your major source of job stress is your supervisor.

#3 Update your resume, but understand that times are still tough and jobs are hard to come by. While you are getting the blood pressure checked, ask about a prescription for Xanax. A little Vitamin X can help a LOT.

#4 Find some stress-buster activity: yoga, karate, biofeedback, whatever it takes.

#5 Rent a bunch of funny movies and laugh your butt off completely. Repeat #5 as often as necessary. I personally can watch the "Airplane" movies at any time.

~VOW

About #5, Surely you can't be serious?

How do people get away with being nasty in the work force? Often, that person is someone's relative or paramour. Otherwise, you should be able to go to your boss's boss with your complaints.

I'll bet money that your boss is not properly educated.

No one is worth losing your health over. You could get therapy. There are techniques in handling difficult people. Be professional. Set boundaries. The more you try to befriend a person like that--the more you seek their approval--the worse it gets. Say as little as possible to your boss. Even if you do a great job, that can work against you, too. My nightmare boss thought I was after her job! I couldn't explain that I was working part-time, temporarily, during a leave of absence from my real career, while undergoing hospital treatments for a disease, and would never want her job. I endured for four months--which turned out to be the record. While I was there, several other people were hired and quit. One didn't even make it until after lunchtime. Someone was always crying in the bathroom. It was a toxic environment.

It seems like maybe you are more well-liked in the office than your boss is, and there could be jealousy--who knows. You can't stress yourself by trying to figure out what your boss's problems are, but keep a respectful distance, and stay neutral. I'd get criticized for being too positive or too unhappy. Don't make it a contest--just don't play the game. Never explain, never complain.

I used to talk silently to myself, on the way to work, reminding myself why I was at that job, how easy the work was, how I was helping people, etc, After work, I would refuse to think about it at all, and I never talked about it. Everybody is different, but talking about work made it worse for me. It was like giving even more time and thought than I had to. I didn't want my children to suffer with me. I would walk the dog (even when I could barely walk) to decompress from the day. I had a picture of my children and my dog in my cubicle, to remind me of my REAL life, and of the happiness waiting for me at home. Sometimes I could use an i-pod, which helped. It helped to leave the building for breaks and lunch--even in a blizzard, when there was no place to go. If I got to work early, I'd sit in the car and wait for the time to run out. I didn't spend one second more time than I was paid for. Feeling in charge eases stress.

School teachers say their biggest stressors are not the children, but the supervisors and parents. What ought to be a very rewarding job can be turned into a nightmare, by nasty people.

Keep your job while you look for another one. Being unemployed, and going on multiple job interviews can be even more stressful. Take your time, and stay hopeful. You seem like someone people would want to hire.

Me too...love em

stormy

If your boss yelled at you in public I would talk to her supervisor. That is extremely unprofessional.

Lost Mystic, have you considered this is something like an assault to yell at someone whose coming back after being at the emergency room? I would definitely document this incident in writing with human resources and your boss's supervisor and consider talking to a lawyer. You need the right to find out what's wrong with your health without being verbally assaulted for being sick.

You need to secure your job and they won't fire you most likely once they see you've taken steps to document and complain about being mistreated because you had stress related health problems. I would make sure I mention that the last thing someone with high blood pressure needed was their boss yelling at the them. You have the right to expect a work environment where an employer does not further endanger your health in retaliation for the fact you have been sick in a way she does not approve of.

why you're feeling that way. She is not an MD or a shrink, but for sure she's hostel and aggressive and unprofessional and her behavior won't be tolerated!

You have every right to look after your health without debating the legitimacy of your symptoms with her or have her 2nd guessing a diagnoses and tell you what that means.

She did this three or four times a year when the stress became unbearable. Do you have the sick days in your contract?

That wouldn't have worked for me because the stress of mopping up after a substitute bothered me more than just continuing on and doing it myself.

I'm sorry your boss is so unsupportive and mean spirited. She's probably in over her head or is lashing out unreasonably because she's more stressed out than you are. The workplace these days is worse than ever before. I'm sorry for your situation. You deserve better.

Take care.

Just remember it's your boss that has the problem, you!

Some of the best insight I got in a seminar was that people yell when they don't know how to fix a problem or are desperate for control. Try not to take it personally, and be the rational one.

Please, don't ever let anyone bully you into not taking care of your health! If you are having stroke or heart attack symptoms never ignore them! Better for it to be a false alarm and be checked out by a doc. I've lost too many friends that way.

That being said, you might research "complex migraine". Mine include numbness, disorientation, nausea and all sorts of weird "fun" things! It was really scary until I figured out what it was.

Take care of you.
Best,

MB

Do you think they're linked? Sometimes stress can increase muscle tension in upper shoulder muscles which causes radiating pain (numbness, tingling, burning pain) down the arm as well as a headache that travels upward in a ram's horn pattern.

Another possibility is thoracic outlet syndrome (compression of nerves/blood vessels in the shoulder and arm) brought on by tight neck muscles or other factors.

If so, an MD referral to physical therapy (or self-referral, but insurance reimbursement gets tricky) can do a world of good. They will put you to work, though. No magic medications, just targeted stretching, strengthening, and postural interventions. If you don't like drug side effects, though, it's a good choice.

This is advice from the RfM's student physical therapist so take it for what it's worth.

"Trust me, I'm an SPT"

under the approval of your doctor, you should begin exercising everyday. Of course you know that stress comes from that "flight or flight" response, wherein your body emits adrenaline-like chemicals but unfortunately those chemicals are not released in white collar work. It builds up..and you begin feeling the effects of stress. Exercise is a natural way to release it. Studies show that we should all be getting 200 minutes of aerobic exercise per week, in addition to some weight lifting, and proper diet. Start off slow, with walking and slowly work your way into a routine. You'll start releasing the stress hormones via normal metabolic processes, and I bet your stress symptoms will go away.

Years ago, I was having similar symptoms. Like you, my brain didn't feel stressed, it was my chest, arm, shoulder, neck, etc. I thought I was having cardiac symptoms. Glad you ruled out cardiac symptoms. I allievated it all with exercise. I work behind a desk. Every morning, 10am, I go down to the gym, work out with weights x40 minutes, then do x40 minutes on the eliptical. I NEVER have stress symptoms anymore. Been at it for many years now. Try it.

>She tells me that I'm a clinician, and have no excuse to let stress get to me, and that in her eyes, I must not be cut out for the work anymore. She was yelling at me and basically told me to let her know if I can't handle the work.

Nope. It is your boss who can't handle being a boss any more.