Robert has sharpened his poking stick once again. One can only wonder what the reaction of Cult HQ would have been had this been published when BKP was still walking the earth and spanking the spankers??

RB

Age 12, my bishop (who had dated my aunt and knew my mom very well) asked me in an interview if I masturbated. I told him no, since I had no idea what that word was.

The guilt started not long after that and it was a long time before it went away. I won't bore you with the details.

"In the end, the business of our privates is actually … well, our private business."

Well said.

I always enjoy reading what Robert writes, bet he would make a great general conference speaker. Here is another take on this topic you might also enjoy.

http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/discussions/viewthread/42137

"I don't remember how old I was when I figured out that God could see me naked."

Like if you actually were old enough to believe in a God (capital G) then I'm pretty sure the seeing wouldn't have been an issue. It was what you were doing naked that would have cause consternation (not constipation while God watches you take a crap.)

This wasn't one of Kirby's more enlightening bits. God and his naughty bits could have had a better write up given Mormonism's obsession with both.

superb, Robert.

How many can relate ...........

"Proper maintenance of the little factory was to avoid anything resembling trial runs lest they became a source of entertainment rather than business. It made sense given that I almost burned my little factory down during my teenage years."

"Howdy, Bishop Burt!"
"Hi there, Boner. What's it been, all of two days?"
"Yessir."
"What's on your mind?"
"Oh nothing Bishop, everything is fine!"
"Fascinating..."
"Well, there is this one thing, it's really nothing important."
"Go on, Boner, I'm listening..."
"Well, you did say I could talk with you about anything, right Bishop?"

(PAUSE)

"No, Boner, I don't remember saying that."
"Well, Bishop...I...I..."
"Stop stammering, Boner, out with it!"
"Oh, Bishop Burt, I don't know how to tell you this!"
"Patience is NOT one of my virtues, Boner!"
"Oh Bishop!"

(SOBBING)

"I got a new cable subscription and they gave me three months of free premium channels!"
"Let me guess, Boner, Skin-a-max?"
"...and Show-me-your-bootie-time, too!"
"So, you ditched the Hallmark Channel to Boobs at 10:00, and started tampering with your little factory?"
"No! It's worse than that!"
"Fascinating,.... tell me more..."
"You see, Bishop, I went to sleep and had this dream..."

(...Bishop Burt stands up...)

"Boner, no more, please! Here's a book I want you to read, it's called the Kinsey Report. Read it well, if you have questions ask your Dad, don't come back, and for fuck's sake, don't shake my hand, goodbye."
"But Bishop Burt!"
"Stop! I'm resigning as your bishop. I was expecting some basic adultery, dishonesty, or even grand larceny, but not this!"
"So, you want to come over to my place around 10:00?"
"No need, pal, I just changed my cable provider, too."
"So ... you've been having dreams to?"

Thus ends the Lethbridge Police report of November 22, 2016. The dialogue you've just read is true, the names were changed to protect the innocent. Bishop Burt is awaiting trial for assault charges. The Boner is in stable condition at Lethbridge Memorial Hospital.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2016 10:30PM by BYU Boner.

That's Chinook Regional Hospital if y'all wanna be accurate bro.....and that was some kinda funny.

Bishop Burt, the names were changed--not that you or I are all that innocent! Hell, come to think of it, we probably ARE innocent to some the shit bishops have to listen to! Stay warm and happy, Ron!

Actually having some very nice fall days here, Bone....sunny and 45 here today...and nothing untowards in the forecast. And damn right I'm guilty...but nothing compared to a few asshole bishops and other TBM's I ran afoul of in my youth.
Be well my friend.

RB

"if it's so sacred why do we pee through them?" That's classic!

Urine is next to godliness?