So...
I used to be very close with her, best of friends, about 4 years ago my family made an example out of me. They did & and said some terrible things to me when I left the church. Here is an example: I was 42 weeks pregnant going to hospital for induction that night one of my sisters called me up and told me all I do is sit around and get drunk and smoke pot, which is just crazy!!! Well now that they have showed her what will happen to her if she leaves the church she is taking the plunge and marrying in the temple to someone she hasn't known for long. I received an email from her saying I'm getting married! If u want to come be sure and dress you and your kids in this color for pictures. She didn't tell me anything about her life, her fiance, nothing, it's quite clear she doesn't want to share it with me, the family just wants to make sure I'm dressed in the right color so they don't look bad.
I'm not going. I have other plans & plane tickets were bought & even if I didn't have plans I wouldn't be going because that is not the message I'm sending to my children. (that it's ok to exclude one another from their wedding, we auctually practice family first, not cult first)
So the other day I got a letter from my sister (the one who called me up when I was pregnant telling me I was a drunk) The letter said she missed me, she was sorry. It was barely a paragraph long. So then I see on facebook her and another sister are talking trash about me! Again! After she sends the letter of apology. I never responded to the letter because they are just ridiculous! I felt a little guilty about not responding to her letter but then when I saw her making fun of me on facebook I knew they were still the same.
I will always miss the youngest sister that is getting married and I hope it does work out for her. Now she will have their acceptance (if she gets knocked up right away that is) She had so much potential and was so fun, her getting married feels like a funeral to me, because now she can never be friends with her apostate sister, it's really over for good.
I just feel that to much has been done for me to ever be involved with them. When my daughter was 4 months old she had surgery on her head W/ a blood transfusion! It was STRESSFUL and SCARY and you know what they were doing during it? Sending text messages harrassing me. Who does that? That is just psycho! & then they go to the temple and act like they are such good christians. DISGUSTING!
I've moved on in the last 4 years & I really think responding whether I did it nice or mean would be a step backwards. I don't dwell on what has happened, but the whole wedding has sent me for a loop.
I was really sad for awhile missing my family that I used to be so close with thinking maybe I made the wrong choice but now I'm thinking hell yes I made the right choice I don't want my kids anywhere around the nonsense.
Anyway I just wanted to vent. I don't get on this board often anymore but it's nice to have all of you here who have gone thru similar things getting out of the church. This board got me thru the first year of being out!

I'm sorry that your family is so damaged that they can't be a real family. I think simply ignoring them is definitely the way to go. Since you haven't "engaged" then there isn't a ton of baggage in the way if one or more actually wakes up to the abuse they are living with. I hope you've changed your phone number and kept it from them too. Or at least blocked their numbers! No one deserves to be harassed during already stressful events.

Best wishes for you and your family and have a wonderful trip/vaction/whatever it was you planned. Congratulations on building a REAL family first family. I did that with my children (and partially by seriously limiting the contact we had with MY toxic family) and I've never regretted it. We have the relationship I wish I could have had with my family and my son and daughter are close, even though they are VERY different personalities. It's worth it. Keep up the good work! :D

When such things as weddings come up in our family of origin no matter how long we have separated ourselves from the dysfunction we knew in our family it brings to the forefront those feelings of what we had wished for, hoped for, wanted, and somehow we start to think maybe we made the wrong decision, maybe it was our fault. We still want to have hope that the family dynamics will change.

Well when you read they are trashing you on Facebook sounds like things haven't changed with your biological family.

I know you know all that but I just want to remind you that you are solid in who you are and what you want for your children.

That doesn't take away the pain of your feelings but you made a healthy decision for you and are giving your children an example of how not to be by subjecting them to the craziness that you knew and your children are learning the authentic family first. Not some cult that dictates how to think, how to behave, how to be a Mormon family.

I hope with you that it works out for your sister. And who knows there may even be a day when that little sister realizes what she is missing by not having a relationship with you. There may be a day that she will disappoint the family and reach out to you because she knows you, you were close, and she knows you will hear her without judgement.

Enjoy your vacation.

"Living Well is the Best Revenge" -- not that I'm advocating revenge....! :-) I bought a package of napkins with that saying on them.

If the day ever comes and they want to have an honest, sincere adult relationship with you (they are still acting like pre-pubescents!) then your inner peace, grace and serenity will shine through. They won't be able to ignore it.

In the mean time, just remember: "They made their bed, now they get to sleep in it".

Their actions, their trash talk is about them, not you.
You're OK.
No matter how much we would like it, there are no fantasy families! We get what we get!

She may feel hurt that you chose not to attend and not to reply to her email/request, and will probably confront you about it.

This is the time to let her know how deeply she and the rest of the family have hurt you. This is a good time to also take the high road in the exchange.

If you show that you do truly love your family members, and are deeply hurt by their rejection of you over something as silly as religious preference, you may be able to at least give her something important to think about, such as; Doesn't family come before all else? Isn't blood thicker than water? And what will she do if her spouse or her future children leave the church? Will she cast them off as her parents did to you?

Good luck with all this. It is not fun, but you do have an opportunity to restore peace and family relationships if you play your cards right.

Not everyone that is invited to wedding festivities can attend anyhow. People know that. They don't need to read anything into it.

but not the other that wrote the letter.
I kept it short and sweet. Told her I would be out of town but I that I loved her and would be thinking of her on her special day. I didn't say anything I didn't mean, I didn't get fake and phony with it.
She is going to hate garments! & I agree with the person who wrote how living well is the best revenge. My life has changed for the better since I've left the church. I do think they are jealous because every year they have another baby, that must be so overwhelming! Plus they have all those stupid callings and so do their husbands who are never home. I only have 2 kids and have lots more freedom because of it. The first year I left with my 10% for tithing that I didn't give to the church I got all my stretch marks taken off! yea! i love it! Instead of church on Sundays I go to pilates and then swim in the pool& BBQ with the kids. It makes them so mad that I don't obey all their silly rules. I'm living life to the fullest! I'm so happy I got out. Maybe someday someone else will leave too.
I feel so much today. Thanks for reading.