As i stated earlier, I am beginning my exit story. Part of this process has been the increasingly bothersome question of whether to resign or not. I used to not be concerned with this at all, but it has increasingly been on my mind. It may end up being a matter of integrity to me and this exit story may be the deciding factor.

I am curious of others decisions, did you resign or not bother? Why?

First, I feel that either option is very personal. They can both be the "best" for different reasons. That being said, I have not resigned for a few reasons:

#1 I personally feel no obligation to resign formally. I am not a mormon because I say I'm not a mormon. Period.

#2 I fear that my mom would find out that I resigned. I love her and she is already extremely worried and stressed regarding my disbelief. If me not resigning will afford her any peace, I'm willing to do that.

I do allow for the possibility that I will resign in the future.

I know it would devastate my parents if they found out, so do I really care enough about it to do it? However, on the other hand it REALLY upsets me that they are actively promoting political positions regarding gay marriage. Leave people alone and let them live the way that makes them happy! So I'm still on the fence.

I wanted to make it clear for my mormon family that I wasn't inactive, but that I actively rejected mormonism. And my mom could no longer say I was breaking my covenants by not going to church because I had anulled that "covenant".

I have felt somewhat the same way, but I feel subtle changes that may alter that line of thinking. My disbelief has certainly caused pain to many that I am close to, if not making things formal is of some comfort than it's not a big deal. But if a formal resignation ends up being the thing that helps me the most, that is what I will do.

I resigned because I didn't want that "church" using my name to add to their numbers.

cecilia Wrote:
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> I resigned because I didn't want that "church"
> using my name to add to their numbers.


Same here. I had walked away a decade ago but was planning to wait until Boyd KKK Packer went in as Profit to resign as a protest gesture. When it became increasingly clear that he probably won't survive Monsoon (seeing him strapped into his chair at GC so he wouldn't ooze out onto the floor like the pond scum he is), I decided it was time to take away my membership from the 14 million they claim.

What surprised me is how easy the resignation process was; about two months from my email to Dodge to my final letter with no contact from locals other than the "please reconsider" form letter

It was important for me to do that as I did not consider myself a Mormon anymore and I didn't want to be available for contact.
When that letter arrived, confirming my resignation, it was quite a feeling of elation! It was a door that was finally closed.

Otherwise tbm's will refer to you for the rest of your life as "inactive."

I did because I was tired of HT's calling to set up appointments. I also didn't want to be included as a member.

How can you keep your name on something you know is fraudulent? As a nevermo I just don't get that. It is important if you care about who you are. A person of integrity or not??

name removal. I wouldn't have bothered, but out of the blue I started getting love bombed again recently. It really is the best way to keep out of awkward situations where neighbors suddenly want to be your new best friend - often without even mentioning the church at first.

I resigned.

I wanted to send a message to the church as well as others that I took it very seriously and didn't merely become inactive because I was lazy and/or sinful. I understand the view that resigning sends the message that they have power over you. But that really is the truth; they did. Shawn McCraney had this idea about resignation, and it really resonated with me. I did it to send a message that there is something wrong with the church.

+1...like it...something is WRONG with the church and you need to know I know.

I've been thinking about the resignation question quite a bit lately. It's been a year and a half since I stopped going to church. I remember my elation at being free, of not feeling like I had to go to those stupid, boring, mind-numbing, time-wasting meetings.

My immediate family is all still tbm, and as I consider ways to keep my family I also weigh whether or not to resign.

I think the "not causing family members pain" move is a cop-out. There's pain in your not going to church, so what more can resignation do, unless you are lying to them thanks to having enough geographical distance that they can actually believe you are still in when in fact you are emotionally and psychologically out?

The question of power seems to me pertinent when trying to keep a marriage and family with kids together. If I resign, will the church have more power over me than if I don't? If I don't resign, I stay relatively under the radar. If I do resign, there may be new pressures brought to bear on me and my family relationships. The status quo is a slow grind, hoping my family wakes up, while resigning takes a satisfying stance against the idiocy of the church, dissociating myself completely, and making clear to all concerned that I am not in that church.

The church still keeps records of you even if you do resign. All the mumbo jumbo is severed (priesthood, sealings, etc.) and while I'm okay with that, what leverage or what strategic advantage will that place against me from family and church leaders? At least as a member with priesthood I leave open the option of going back in with the full intent of being more subversive about getting my family out. As a non-member I am nothing in that organization.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/14/2011 09:49PM by derrida.

I don't pretend at all with my folks regarding my beliefs or lack thereof. I'm not aggressive with flaunting my disbelief but I don't shy away from stating them if necessary. I know my mom. I love my mom flaws and all. She carries, or at least carried, tremendous guilt and pain over an unfilfilled promise from her patriarchal blessing regarding her parents' accepting the gospel based on her example. I don't feel a need to cause her more guilt and pain by confirming that I won't be joining her in the Celestial Kingdom. I can't control what she chooses to believe, and I sincerely do not feel like it harms me one bit to let her have this. It's not a cop out. It's an act of love even if it's a little twisted and sad.

I'm not pretending to be something I'm not. My family members all know where I stand. I don't flaunt my disbelief, but I give my opinion when sincerely asked and I speak up about things that are important to me.

However, resignation is another level entirely to the TBM mindset. My mom can find some peace knowing I haven't resigned. I LOVE my mom. I know I'm already causing her pain, but my resignation would send her into a downward spiral. Why would I knowingly do that to her?

My only reason for resignation would be to send a message to people who I don't give a fuck about and in the process I would hurt people I DO care about.

Again, as I stated above, I allow for the possibility that I will resign at some point, just not now.

That's why I feel like it's such a personal choice. Every one of us has a unique situation to consider. What you feel is a "cop out" in your life, is not in mine.

I respect and understand other people's reasons for resignation. It's just not a good fit for me at this point.

I feel like you are being very black and white about this.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/15/2011 02:48AM by Queen of Denial.

I have not resigned. I have no immediate intention to do so. I haven't attended church (aside from my parents' farewell and I think I went once when my dad had a solo or something) in 17/18 years. My reasons:

My parents do not harrass me about the church, or my participation, at all. If they did, I might be more inclined to take a firmer stand. Since they don't bother me, I've decided to not hurt them, which resigning would do. It really feels like a non-issue between us and I see no reason to rock that boat.

Also, aside from a letter I received a few years ago when I moved to my current area, I have not been contacted by the church in years. Again, if I started getting bothered, I would reconsider my decision.

Well, I had been out of the church for around 40 years before I resigned. There were many reasons why I didn't do it earlier.1. At first I wasn't sure I wanted to do something that final 2. I didn't want to hurt my mother and I didn't resign until after her death. 3. I feared repercussions at work if my resignation became public. 4. I didn't know how to do it along with a tendency to procratinate. I finally decided to do it because I didn't want my name associated with an organization which takes political stances that are opposed to mine.

I think it is an individual decision and I can see both points of view. If someone chooses a path different than mine, I won't criticze.

I left the church in 96 after my divorce. I had some nagging doubts about it, but mostly left because I felt guilty for not living the teachings and it made me uncomfortable. But I wasn't able at that time to come to the full realization that it was fake, and eventually I went through the "repentance" process and back into full fellowship and activity. Last year, when I discovered almost by accident that it was all a lie, I decided that I was tired of the BS and lies and felt betrayed and angry, and I wanted to make a statement that I truly rejected all of it, so I felt it was important to resign and make it official. My letter from the church confirming my resignation now hangs in a frame on the wall.

The bishop called me in in Mars and told me that if I did not resign, they would arrange a church court to have me excomunicated for apostasy. So I resigned. The reason I did not resign earlier was that my husband did not want me to, and with him I had to choose my battles about this fraud. Now he is on his way out as well.

For me, I reached a point where being a member of the church felt like being covered in feces or thousands of stinging ants. I just had this feeling of "get it off me! get it off me!" and resigning was the only way to accomplish that. On the other hand, I have some married friends who never felt the need to formally resign until they had a baby. Before the kid was even born people were asking about where and when (not if!) she would be blessed. That changed their minds.

I come from a multi-generational mormon family, so my name is already etched in ones and zeros all over the big mormon relational database. So, having my name still show up everywhere sans baptism date doesn't do much for me. Plus... it's really not a removal -- simply the record is checked or annotated so it doesn't get sent to a local congregation. It's all there; it's never really purged.

As far as the "not wanted to be counted," I take the other approach. I show up on the ward list and people wonder who I am. I show up on lists as a non-attending returned missionary, or as a temple endowed member without a recommend, a priesthood holder without home teaching assignments. In other words, I am a visible yet inactive member. They are still supposed to visit me, but they don't because they end up walking away feeling insecure.

It it their rules that require resignation be prompted by me, otherwise they are compelled to visit. So, let them visit me because the guys in Salt Lake tell them they have to.

I am an anti-mormon missionary who has not disappeared from their fold. My family actually wants me to resign... as do the locals.

Hopefully, I have some warning before my demise so I can resign first, lest some good intentioned mormon relative decide I need to be "sent to rest" in those goofy, cultish temple clothes.

jpt Wrote:
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> I am an anti-mormon missionary who has not
> disappeared from their fold. My family actually
> wants me to resign... as do the locals.

LMAO! This is the first good reason I have heard, like a modern Abinadi!

I often rant away here on the merits of resignation. Here is my post from Derrida's thread:


IMHO I think resignation is a more appropriate response.

Here's why:

1. mormonism is not just another religion, it is a cult.

2. Membership in the cult is not passive, activity in TSCC will subject you and your family to continued programming and brainwashing -- its inevitable. Going along, sitting in meetings is a de-facto surrender. Your family will only learn each and every Sunday why YOU are irrelevant and why YOU should not be respected or listened to and why YOU are unworthy and why YOU know nothing compared to the wonderful leaders, etc.

3. Meetings, events and so-called "service" in TSCC has the sole purpose of getting people to attend more meetings and events. No good is done, no real service rendered. Service is only rendered to TSCC itself.

4. For purposes of helping your family, I would argue that resignation sets the tone and announces that you are not just a sinner and angry and offended (like your family has been told over and over by the cult) and that you are not a closet-believer either, but that you are putting yourself out there and on the record. It is false. It is a cult. Resignation IS the proper and healthy response. (Would you want your kids to grow up waffling on an issue such as this for 10 years, 20, 30?)

5. I think (if the overall situation is amenable with DW) that you have a duty also to demand to be able to raise your children in a way that honors and respects your parenting influence, values, belief systems and life philosophy. I agree with the idea, for example, that DW should be able to take the kids to church HALF the time (and you will go and be supportive) but that you are permitted to be able to take the kids to learn your values or church (and you would expect her to go along and support you). This is not about teaching them that mormonism is false, but teaching the positive values you believe: critical thinking, appreciation for nature, actual service in actual service organizations, etc. Turning up the contrast and widening the experience base of your children (and DW) can often be incidentally fatal to TSCC membership, but it is only a demonstrably good thing in any case. You can be with your family, you can demonstrate your values, you can introduce positive experiences; its all good. You will show that the slander TSCC will continue to say about YOU is as false as their doctrine.

6. It is impossible to grant a "choice" to people in TSCC, especially children. It is a cult and there is no possibility of anyone inside TSCC developing a neutral basis to choose between two concepts. This is not possible. People who think children can grow up in TSCC and then "choose" when they are older are deluded. The entire learned world-view in the cult denies critical inquiry, legitimizes magic, equates emotionality with evidence, and maximizes fear. All the rules of evidence, honest inquiry, integrity and due diligence are violated by TSCC without apology or excuse.

Offered only IMO! I applaud you courage in really wrestling with the decision!

But the big deal is NOT the resignation, though it is an important and cathartic event. The big deal is what you do after resignation to claim your legitimate place and voice.

If you JUST resign, and you do not take the initiative with your family to take over equally significant time and idea space with healthy alternatives, then truly nothing will change for them.

Mormonism is entirely false. Mormonism's opinion and approval means nothing. Resignation is not about making a point to the cult, it is about emphasizing a point to everyone else.

I wouldn't be here without the resignations and brave public publishing of writings and exit stories written by previous pioneers. I have them to thank for my family's freedom and I feel a duty to do the same for others.

Pa Le Ale it Forward!

I chose resignation because I want there to be fewer and fewer Mormons. I want leadership to ask themselves more and more, "WTF?" Besides, I also want to be left alone, and it's the only path to complete peace.

I waited to resign until after all of my children were adults. They had gone thru a nasty divorce between their father and myself and the church was always an issue because I left the church when I left their abusive tbm father. For many years I continued to take them to primary and young womens activities, as it helped to keep peace with tbm dad, etc. As soon as the kids lost interest in the church, it was easier on me!

But once all the kids were grown it had been over ten years, and then the resignation was truly a present for myself and I did it for the right reasons. And I knew it was something I needed to do for my peace of mind and to set myself free and I could look at it and know that after 10 years I was not making an irrational choice.

To resign or not to resign.......it is a personal choice. Either way, you are finally free for having realized that "The Church" is a sham and a cult and having walked away.

I have always hated how hypocritical this temple going, primary (as in kid's sunday program) piano playing two faced bitch is. A final nail in the coffin did it for me this past fall and I resigned in January. As far as I know, nobody knows but the bishop and the stake president. I still get home teachers (I don't mind, I like the guys). I haven't believed for years, if ever, and it has caused me very little emotional distress.

I had not attended in over 30 years. I was rarely, if ever, bothered by anyone. In over 30 years, one visit from the home teachers and one visit from a zealous Relief Society sister encouraging me to tour the Manhattan Temple before its dedication. Oh, and also a yearly Merry Christmas card from the Relief Sosiety, which seemed harmless to me.

So, being bothered by the church was not an issue. I thought about resigning for a long time before I actually did it. Why did I do it? For me it was a point of personal integrity. I did not want to be a member of an organization that had hurt me and many others in deep and disturbing ways. And I did not want to be a member of an organization that actively supports, with taxpayer financed money and legions of volunteers, political and social posisitions with which I actively disagree.

The final straw for me was Proposition 8. Dh (a nevermo) and I have gay relatives and friends and the church's determination to support that odious and unconstitutional initiative to prevent others from having the joy and pleasure in marriage that we have was just too much to stomach. So, I resigned. It was easy (thanks to brave trailblazers who ended the automatic excommunication problem). I'm glad I did it.

My family is inactive, so I understand why it could be much more problematic for those with tbm spouses and family.