Especially the part about the rainbow on his neighbours' car....

"My neighbors Pete and Dave have always been very friendly with me. I have often thought they would make excellent church members, but they always seemed hesitant whenever I would invite them to our church. I noticed they had a small rainbow on their car and took the opportunity thank them for reminding me of the covenant God had made with Noah after the flood. When I told them the name of the church and my position therein I could discern that they were quite uncomfortable. I didn’t see much of them over the next few weeks."



Really!? What is trying to do here? Please.


"While Pete and Dave haven’t yet joined the church and don’t seem to be home when the missionaries stop by I can feel good knowing that I did my part in helping them understand the restored gospel."


This HAS to be a parody.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/18/2011 10:45PM by Queen of Denial.

It's the best mormon satire site out there. Read through some of his previous posts. The comments get pretty funny too. This guy is a riot.......and very spiritual too :)

This is my favorite post, and I've read them all.

http://stakepresident.blogspot.com/2011/04/oh-cunning-plan-of-satan.html


In another post he suggests bearing your testimony on the BoA...to funny. I know my TBM hubby looks at me suspiciously every time I laugh out loud and don't share it with him. Of course my DH wouldn't think it's funny.

"In summary and just to be crystal clear unto all; we are free when we choose to obey the counsel of our leaders."

This is so in line with TSCC's teachings it is incredible!

The sarcasm is just DRIPPPING!!

"While we do not know exactly how life would have been under the plan of Satan in my mind there would have been two main points to the plan:
1. We would have been discouraged from thinking for ourselves.
2. Any deviation from the plan would have been punished in such a way that conformity would have been more appealing."


How to define the Mormon "church" (cult)? This says it all.

Ummm, is that a joke or does he really not see the irony? The LDS are truly living Satan's plan.

So funny!

But my favorite Mormon satire blog is still Seriously So Blessed! What the hell happened to TAMN?! I miss her and her shenanigans :(

I heard somewhere his post was shut down immediately.

DNA evidence clearly shows that the ancestors of modern Native Americans were principally and partially to a large and often undetectable extent among the Laminates’ as confirmed in the introduction of the Book of Mormon



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2011 01:20PM by jebus.

Brethren and Sisters,

I am very dissapointed to see you laughing at my blog. Have you no self respect? Have you no dignity? You laugh at that which you once held most sacred. Shame on you all!!

President Paternoster

Besides, you're doing us a favor. Laughter is the best medicine so you're showing a kindness to us confused people. ;)

paternoster Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brethren and Sisters,
>
> I am very dissapointed to see you laughing at my
> blog. Have you no self respect? Have you no
> dignity? You laugh at that which you once held
> most sacred. Shame on you all!!
>
> President Paternoster

Please forgive me President Posteriorator for being jovial about your blogs. But in my defense, the stake president made me do it - laugh that is....

Oh come on everyone, you have to love the Stake President. So down to earth, so full of funny religious tidbits of information that make us laugh out loud, disrespecting the Lord with joviality. He makes me laugh every time I read his posts - reminding me why I am happy I left the fold, so I could once again laugh and enjoy life and have a few beers and cups of coffee in the process.

And for those who want to read more about him, or rather his name, here are a few links:

http://www.paternoster-row.medievalscotland.org/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternoster

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternoster,_Western_Cape

Well by your discussions I can see that you certainly are a confused lot Rebeckah and I am happy to reach out to you all and extend the hand of church fellowship.

Of one thing I am certain; You will not find my next post (that will be posted on Monday) amusing at all. It will be on the subject of oral sex and how abstaining can help couples have more happy, fulfilling and joyous marriages.

Keep the faith and feel free to add me (Bill Paternoster) as a friend on facebook,

Your servant in Christ,

Even President Paternoster

Why are you even at an "Apostate" website anyway? Wouldn't that constitute associating with us?

You mention that your next topic will be about abstaining from oral sex. Does that mean anal is okay (with my spouse of course!)? And you must read here regularly because you concluded your previous comment with "even". I saw that as an annoyance on another thread last night.

Be careful coming here, we might lead you astray!

Before the heavens and the earth, that I was lying the whole time. That Satan appeared to me, and I knew it was him, but I didn't, you know? And he told me to teach people that freedom actually meant using MY brain,instead of recognizing the spirit transferring GOD's brain from Count Monsula, oops, I mean even Thomas S. Monson, to my man bossoms.

Before I die an ignominious death, I just have to say:

Thank you.

And by the way, my name is Adam, but God calls me Saul.

I wish Sister Pasternoster would speak up more, she must be busy with those 12 kids.

Those who enjoyed President Paternoster's blog my also like to browse the work of Bishop Mike T Young of the Spanish Fork 401st Ward.

http://spanishfork401stward.blogspot.com/

http://stakepresident.blogspot.com/2011/05/oral-abstinence-key-to-happy-fulfilling.html

I searched his counsel in the latest post, but found no quotes from The Brethren about the righteousness of performing anal with the Sistren. I prefer to err on the side of caution.

Similarly, regarding tongues and testes, some things just don't go together...like darkness and light. Or blacks and the priesthood. I also agree that as God's most glorious creations, we don't have to sink the level of beasts and their base sexual practices...Next thing you know, we might be procreating in the same position and duration as dogs!

I could not agree more about this issue's potential to drive a wedge between married couples. I don't want to reveal too much about my own sacred experiences, but let's just say that accommodating your wife's avoidance of the distasteful and the variety it promises has proven to be a key element of marital harmony.

I really need to be getting ready for work but y'all got me looking at this train wreck of a blog and I keep reading just one more. But this post TAKES THE CAKE! Oh man, this guy is wacked. I'm going to send links to this blog to some of my nomo friends, I think it will explain a lot about mormon weirdness to them.

But the main thing it does is make me thank the good Lard or Allah, or my lucky stars or whoever, that I have ZERO connection to people like that anymore. I kind of feel just icky after reading all that. I think I'm going to get in the shower, dress and get to work where I can surround myself with normal, intelligent, nevermos and maybe it will chase away the ickyness.

I love this blog. The guy has gotta be from the UK because he uses the word "whilst" onstead of "while." It's a very good piece of Mormon-related satire. LOL.

imalive, I feel impressed by the spirit to let you know that the word 'whilst' is also used in Botswana.

Prez,
I'm having trouble posting comments on your blog, is there a problem?

W. Cleon Skousen, a former BYU professor, wrote:

Through modern revelation we learn that the universe is filled with vast numbers of intelligences, and we further learn that Elohim is God simply because all of these intelligences honor and sustain Him as such.... But since God 'acquired' the honor and sustaining influence of 'all things' it follows as a corollary that if He should ever do anything to violate the confidence or sense of justice' of these intelligences, they would promptly withdraw their support, and the 'power' of God would disintegrate.... 'He would cease to be God.' Our Heavenly Father can do only those things which the intelligences under Him are voluntarily willing to support Him in accomplishing (The First 2000 Years, pp. 355-356).

The Athanasion Creed

Now this is the catholic faith:
1) Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith; (2) Which faith except every one do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlastingly.(3) And the catholic faith is this: That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity; (4) Neither confounding the persons, nor dividing the substance. (5) For there is one Person of the Father, another of the Son and another of the Holy Spirit. (6) But the Godhead of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit is all one, the glory equal, the majesty co-eternal
(33) Equal to the Father as touching His Godhead, and inferior to the Father as touching His manhood.

Confounding means not mixing them up, The Father isn't the Son, the Son isn't the Father etc.
Substance is a synonym for Godhead the same as Essence being or God

TRINITY
USED TO EXPRESS THE DOCTRINE OF THE UNITY OF GOD AS SUBSISTING IN THREE DISTINCT PERSONS. THIS WORD IS DERIVED FROM THE GR. trias, first used by Theophilus (A.D. 168-183), or from the Lat. trinitas, first used by Tertullian (A.D. 220), to express this doctrine.
The propositions involved in the doctrine are these: (1.) That God is one, and that there is but one God (Deut. 6:4; 1 Kings 8:60; Isa. 44:6; Mark 12:29, 32; John 10:30). (2.) That the Father is a distinct divine Person (hypostasis, subsistentia, persona, suppositum intellectuale), distinct from the Son and the Holy Spirit. (3.) That Jesus Christ was truly God, and yet was a Person distinct from the Father and the Holy Spirit. (4.) That the Holy Spirit is also a distinct divine Person.

Easton Bible Dictionary

Notice how the Trinity teaches three separate persons represent the One God, just like the Book of Mormon teaches in Alma 11:44 2 Nephi 31:21 and Mormon 7:7 and pre 1835 Joseph Smith Jr D&C 20:28

an example of confounding
John 10: Joseph Smith translation
23 All things are delivered to me of my Father; and no man knoweth that the Son is the Father, and the Father is the Son, but him to whom the Son will reveal it.

Did "god the son" ALWAYS EXIST independent of "god the father" or was "god the son" created by "god the father" at some arbitrary point in time?

It's a simple enough question. Either the father and son have always existed as separate gods, or one was created by the other. Which is it?

Thanks,