… was COMPLETELY different from the saintly, white-washed picture you had been given about it your whole life?

Did anyone clue you in or even hint, in advance? (an older brother RM, for example) or did you learn the painful truth during your mission? or did you have a good mission experience, returned as a TBM and only later had reason to question the church?

And realized that 90% of the guys there were only doing it so they wouldn't be cast out of the community.

It also struck me as conformity run amok. For someone who had never been around that many sheep, I had to suspend my shock or go right back home.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2011 12:52PM by rogertheshrubber.

In the MTC for me as well. Noticed it all seemed contradictory to how a true church of Christ would be set up. Use scare tactics on investigators. Tell them 5% of what the church actually is then try to get them baptised, while hiding all the important things. Hunt down the emotionally unstable.

But the main thing that told me was seeing all of the other missionaries. As already stated, most of them were out there because they felt they had to be. Everyone I got close to said they were only there because of family pressure, girlfriend pressure, etc, and they wanted to go home. And a lot of them were douchebags too. Seriously some of the biggest jerks I've met. My first companion would spit out the food he didn't like back onto his plate, even in the presence of females. Another would constantly talk trash on everyone behind their back, even the females and teachers. These people are supposed to be the most righteous ones on earth and God's own personal messengers? My drug abusing friends back home have much more integrity and class than these fools.

I served back when the first week was spent in the SLC Mission Home, then I spent 2 months at the MTC in Provo learning Spanish.

The saintly image of missionaries was destroyed in the mission home when a GA spoke and told us that statistics showed that about 50% of the elders in the room had sex with their girlfriend between their last interview with their SP and entering the mission home, and he would be available to clear up any issues that hadn't been confessed. After his talk, the line outside of his door wound around and down the hallway. There must have been 75 - 100 elders in line.

Oh, thank you, thank you for that story.

Exactly My2Cents!!! Even back in the mid seventies when I went on a mission, that line for confession to the Mission Prez was a long one!

In Australia in the 70's we had a missionary that never followed the rules, never worked at doing anything, spent most of his time shopping at the mall, loved to cook and slept in a separate bedroom from his companion ( a big no-no). He came from a wealthy family and lived on twice the amount of moneny the rest of us had. He chase girls most of time, had an enormous ego, spoke about going home every single day. We all hated him.
They made him zone leader in the biggest zone in Melbourne. I later found out from one of the assistants who I was close to, that Elder X had met with the Mission prez and asked to be sent home. Next thing we knew he was the new Assistant to the Mission prez. I guess if you had the right last name you could do whatever the hell you wanted and get away with it. That was a big eye opener for me. It wasn't what you did, it was who you knew.

That funny. We didn't hear that therefore no long lines confessing. That's do stupid.

Jake

I can see why they didn't mention the negatives of the mission field, which seemed to heavily outweigh the positives and I would've seriously reconsidered had I known what it was really like. It sure isn't like those propaganda videos put out by the church.

I thought I was going to go out and convert many people but my MTC "fire" or "boner", as some called it, quickly wore off about a month in as I realized that the vast majority of people weren't interested, or just wanted to argue. I really became disillusioned about a year in because most of my days were filled by the endless knocking of doors where the vast majority of houses had no one home. Yeah BIG waste of time. The rabid emphasis on numbers was one of the first red flags raised. I saw missionaries basically push people into the baptismal font to satisfy their own ego. Most I saw get baptized either left the church or quit going a month or two after.

I didn't start to critically analyze my mission (and beliefs/church) until after I got home but I think the mission sowed the seeds of my eventual skepticism and inactivity. Critically analyzing what I did and why I did it was the only way I could figure out how do deal with what I can only describe as some sort of PTSD. I was depressed for years afterwards. I knew something was wrong when I felt angrier for going to church rather than just staying home and doing something else like working on my car.

The MTC was a largely a good experience, but when I first met the MP I was impressed that he was a brown-noser gasbag with GA aspirations who played favorites and I was definitely not in the "in crowd".

I came from "The Mission" where most Mormons were both feet in or both feet out. It took a while to adjust to the Utah/Idaho Mormons who represented every shade of gray under the sun. My black and white paradigm of the universe (thanks Mormons) wasn't serving me very well trying to get a bead on everyone.

Some sh!tty things went down including midnight dunking six Mexicans we just met (and never saw again) so that the Zone could meet its baptismal goal for the month and the APs and MP just looking the other way even though they knew what was going on (it's a miracle, thank you Jeehzuz!).

All in all it was good and bad. I had a lot of fun too, and made some good friends, but it was a matter of just weeks that I realized that my experience was going to be significantly different than I had anticipated.

As one who chose freely to go on a mission with no social pressure to do so, the reality was a huge disappointment! I was not going to get any social benefit from going, so was totally motivated by spiritual reasons. Instead, what I found was that I had essentially volunteered for a position in sales and hadn't even realized it! And the product I was selling was highly dubious at that. All of the emphasis was on stats instead of spirit. They didn't even care about conversion, just baptisms. Boy, what a royal let-down!

One in the MTC - trapped in Orwell's 1984.

Second in the field - trapped working as a salesmen for an intangible product.

At the MTC, rubbing shoulders with white dudes from Utah, I realized I had nothing in common with them.

I had a great mission, strong testimony, no doubts. It took me many years to even begin to think critically about Mormonism. I could not relate to, or understand the "screw off" missionaries that I dealt with. My mission was a positive, faith promoting experience.

As I look back on it now, I don't know what the hell was wrong with me, that I should be such a conformist, and be so gullible.

Are you a "type A" personality, by any chance?

I am, and I felt exactly the same way.

the son's of two GA's in my district about all of the perks they're daddy's were getting.

I went into the MTC and mission field without many preconceived notions, so I wasn't really disappointed by the reality of mission life, at least, not at first. I will say, though, that I was bothered by the Discussions, specifically the idea of "discussing" gospel truths by regurgitating verbatim the contents of the Discussion booklets. I didn't like the idea of sidestepping investigators' questions if they didn't fit into the "discussion" plans. There was too much of a sales pitch to the whole thing and not enough Spirit, and I wanted no part in selling religion. It just felt disingenuous.

I was also surprised by the number of quotas and the extreme focus on proselytizing by-the-numbers. That just seemed too corporate for me.

I hate to say this, but I was on automatic pilot mormon style and just accepted everything at face value. I was so programmed that I never questioned anything. I went with no expectations because I had never even thought about what it would be like, so I was not particularly let down. This is because I had no burning desire to spread the gospel, but I thought I had a testimony and just did what you do when you're 19. I worked really hard and gave it my all even though it was foreign to my nature.

The one shocker in my mission was the one-upmanship of the other missionaries. There was extreme emphasis on who was the most spiritual servant of god or GA material, and not much emphasis on actually bringing the gospel to our prey. Piety on steroids. I had one senior who had to stay 10 feet in front when we were walking and if I tried to catch up he went faster. Said he was just so excited to do the work. The work is awful, I would be very suspicious of anyone who really was excited.

That was very hard to deal with. I thought I was not like that, but in later years I read my missionary journal, and it was nothing but a tribute to myself. It made me sick to my stomach and I burned it.

I have always been so grateful that at least I went to a foreign mission, learned a language, and saw another culture other than small town Utah. Otherwise, I feel horribly cheated by the experience. At nineteen, I should not have been hating myself. Long, long time ago...

I had a great mission. I went at 22 years old because I wanted to. I didn't care why other people went and I knew people are people, some good, others not so much, so I wasn't shocked at anything.

For me it was a growing period, helped me transition out of being a self centered kid looking for fun and pleasure to an open minded adult that understands responsbility and work (I wasn't a closed minded mormon though...when I was actually a mormon).

I was inactive from 13 yrs to 22 yrs, so I didn't have all the church stuff drilled in my head either. I made a good missionary actually, older, more mature, "been there done that" out in the world...I had a lot of fun.

I did luck out and go to the Carribean Islands though:) Sweet spot that was!

The MTC didn't bother me, I'd been in the Navy before, so their little rules at the MTC, etc., were expected.

Going into the "field" in Norway, the extreme cold, the unresponsive sheep, the first MP that took pride that he'd never sent an elder home (just covered up their sins), unlike the neighboring Swedish mission; that shocked me.

Thank the gods, that old bastard is dead.

Ended up just enjoying the place, such as I could. Always wishing I was in "real" Europe.

The brown-nosers that became ZL's and AP's were shockers to me. It was just so businesslike. We were there to make new members, irregardless of their doubts/habits. The social/religious climbing was unbelievable to see. They were so obvious.

My second MP was more of a normal sort. Spent a huge pile on his Oslo residence, on my final day there, visiting, had dinner, nice, but, of course, not allowed to spend the night, ended up back at the dingy apartment they'd alloted us.

The elder that was some sort of scholar, that knew the history, well. That I rejected.

At the time, we had less than 2 baptisms per year per missionary. It was totally depressing.

All that walking, all that knocking, all those nice Norwegians politely telling us to f*ck off, they were fine without our Utah religion.

It was all so stupid, but at least I learned a new language, and got to be familiar with a new culture.

First night back home, my folks took me out to a good steak house. I ate myself silly, went home, then promptly threw up everything, as my stomach wasn't used to eating meat anymore. I was so sick, but I figured it was in the Lard's plan.

It took a few months to realize it had all been crap. Took a couple more years to submit my resignation.

They robbed two years, but I robbed them back in experience.

I now live in a foreign country, have for years, and they gave me the ability to do it, easily.

Screw mormonism.

What are you guys talking about? A mission is the most spiritual, uplifting, most wonderful time in your life. When I was on my mission................

Fill in the blank with an FPS here..........

and now, he's a stake president and he's been sealed in the temple.

I knew what I was getting into. I just never believed that I had a choice. I thought that I would be disowned if I didn't serve a mission, and I didn't think I could make it through college or reach the goals I wanted in life without help from my family. Of course, they never really helped me anyway, and I ended up supporting myself financially and emotionally in every difficult thing I ever did. So, I guess the real fanciful tale I bought into was that I had a supportive family.

Once on the mission, it's extremely difficult to go home. You're looked down upon like you've given up and taken the easy way out, and the brainwashing is intensive. I spoke with my mission president about going home once, and he actually told me that he had my passport and that he wouldn't let me go home because he "loved me too much." What a mind job. I guess it worked, because I stayed the full two years. Then, of course, at the end he told me that I should have gone home day one, making me feel like no matter how hard I tried I had failed.

No, I had a good idea how it would be. In my pre-mission photos I looked like I was going to the gallows. I hoped it would be different from my expectations, but it wasn't.

A piece of shit. Period. So was one of mine.

It really makes me angry how lds put their children in a situation where they are alienated, without anyone to answer their questions, where the only way to make it through it to play along for two whole years.

I thought my MP was the biggest dick until I came here and started reading the stories of experiences other people have had. I think now that he wasn't any worse than many mission presidents. It's the Mormon church that creates the environment and appoints the leaders.

That members in each congregation, as well as each mission, were constantly testifying that their phood leaders were "good," and "love and pray for us." It always seemed to me that the only thing special about them was an upper-middle class job that gave them spare time in which to pursue a GA position as a hobby, as well as being on familiar terms with someone just a little higher up.

I always thought, "who am I to say this man is 'good' as part of my testimony? For all I know, he is just like me inside!"

I am really sorry you were treated that way. MPs have no excuse for acting that way. It is egotism run amok.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2011 03:24PM by rogertheshrubber.

One of the reasons I did not go on a mission was because of my older brothers experience in Yuma. I think the church should treat the missionaries better. The other reason is that I just couldn't do church for 2 years (or 18 months).

Our door approach was stealth mode. No name tag, no mentioning the word "church" or there would be instant shutdown of the mark. We asked to come in and show a ten minute film about a "boy and his mom". You know the one--jimmy and the rainbow. We all felt varying degrees of weird about it. We knew it was dishonest to try to "make people feel the spirit" by showing them a movie about a young boy whose mom dies and then tell them that the sad feeling they feel is actually the HG and means they should become Mormon.

There was an eventual revolt and a return to the bom approach but as soon as we were honest we couldn't even get in the door. Results are much more important than honest methods when your salvation is at stake so next we tried a "survey" approach. Most people saw right though that bs as well. I know it caused cog dis in me but it didn't make me change anything. I knew it wasn't right but kept plugging along for another 30 years.

Internet study and DNA annoucements did me in.

But nothing like that.

Didn't that piss people off?

We would come to the door wearing our suits and nametags, but we would say "My friend and I are going around the neighborhood conducting a questionnaire about families and the purpose of life. Would you like to help us?" Like they were the dumbest people in the world and didn't know what we were really up to. We would go in and make up questions as we go, pretending to mark on a piece of paper, and then segue into a first discussion.

One time, I accidentally used the word "survey" with a zone leader, and he corrected me later that we could not say "survey" because local laws required that we publish the results if we called it that. And of course we all know it's a bunch of B.S. to get in doors, right? Wah ha ha ha... So, we had to say "questionnaire."

All the missionaries had problems with the dishonesty - basically the first thing that everyone heard out of our mouths was a lie and we lied to every person we met - but it was the only way to get in doors. So, eventually each missionary learned to ignore his conscience and do what was necessary.

Later, my mission president was confronted by some missionaries about the dishonesty of the questionnaire. So, he announced one day that we weren't using the questionnaire anymore. From then on we would go to the door and say that we are representatives of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and that we have a message about etc. Of course, nobody got in doors. So, we all begged and pleaded and president granted us use of the questionnaire again. Thank you for letting us lie again, president. :P

So yeah, lying for the Lord is an important skill in these the latter days.

The reality hit me on a Sunday in the mission field, when I realized it was the most important business day of the week, lowlighted by meetings with the WML. The WML was just one more person breathing down our necks, and the meetings were just hell. The misery of Sunday was always compounded by the fact that we had no investigators coming to church.

Even after my mission my older brother told me not to grow a goatee or anything because that was sending the impression that mission = bondage and non-mission = free.

So rewind 2 years and that's what I had going into my mission. I had heard that missions are tough (from the stories that usually meant living conditions, but I didn't care about that kind of thing) but always the best 2 years. Story after story gave me the faith that my mission would be nothing but spirit-searching and miracles. I figured that if I had any rough times I'd faith my way through it to get the miracles.

So I had no idea what a mission was really about until a few months in, just before a nervous breakdown. Fortunately that moment helped me realize that faith doesn't solve all your problems. I was die-hard TBM before that, and resolved to never ever abandon the church no matter what. The breakdown was my first step in a long and rewarding path out.

We advertised and taught free english lessons. The first phrase we taught them was "Joseph Smith was a prophet", not Sally bounced the ball. That kind of bothered even little unquestioning me then. I think that might have been one of the common tricks.

...is that it's such a spiritual experience. Those who have been on missions are complicit in the lie as they try to sell others on serving. It becomes immediately clear that it's just high pressure sales with extra layers of bullshit and guilt.

I have always wondered what the church spin would be if it were made public that mission officials were holding passports, essentially holding a missionary hostage in another country.

Just once I would like to see an escapee missionary make it to a US embassy, and the story of the withheld passports to make it to CNN or MSNBC.

That is one thing that would really make them squirm in SLC.

In Hamburg Mission, we kept our passports. This was before the wall fell around Berlin, when Berlin was walled in on all 4 sides by East Germany. We needed them to pass through East Germany on transfers.