Hi! I'm Denis and well long story short, I'm 15 years old and so far I've been 'going out' with the girl of my dreams for about half a year... Things were normal at first, but then her mom pulled her out to get home schooled and now things are just horribly complicated. (Aforemention: Our relationship isn't a Mormon acceptable relationship [we do kiss whenever we can, passionate kissing as well, petting, etc], but when it comes to anything else she is a Super Mormon) I barely ever get to see her. I think, in the last 5 months that she's been out of school I've only gotten to see her about 5 or 6 times. And that's out of 5 months. I don't really know if her parents hate me or not, and the only 2 times I've ever been over they seem to like me, but then again I really have no clue what's going on in their minds. I've only gotten to spend time with her on two occasions; movies and church events. I've only gotten to go on movies with her twice, and they were both practically big friends hangouts (can't go anywhere without another group of people apparently...) And then I've only gotten to go to about 2 stake dances (those things are horrible.... crappy music, obnoxious people everywhere, and awkward snowballs..) and one hike. So yeah, about 5 times I've gotten to see my girlfriend. Thing is, I try to find ways to see her every day! It just doesn't happen, and for a girl who I've been with for half a year and bought a ring for, she seems more accepting of never seeing me. I just don't know what to do. She keeps saying that she doesn't have any control over her schedule, but she never really tries to see me. She blames it on her mom not letting her do anything with me... but I don't believe that. It really seems more likely that she just doesn't ask her mom. That's beside the point. Well, I have no plans of converting (I really don't like the Mormon Church's stand on well... anything really.) So aside from never getting to see her (even though I'm absolutely in love with her...), always having to hang out with her friends when I'm with her (which is like once a month if I'm lucky), getting into constant fights with her because of how one sided this whole relationship is and how I'm trying my butt of to be with her and she isn't doing anything at all (at least from what's visible), I have something else to wrap my head around. When she turns 16, her parents are going to let her go on double dates! Heres the thing though, her parents are only letting me go on EVERY OTHER date. Meaning; I'll only get to go on 50% of her dates and having the humiliation of knowing my girlfriend is on a date with some random Super Mormon guy everyother week! (She says she doesn't want to [word of mouth] but she 'has' to anyway.) How do I deal with that? How do I deal with any of this!? Please, I really need some advice. What should I do about all of this?? What can I do?!... I feel like I'm cornered and having to compromie to things I don't agree with :(

I am afraid that it will never get any better. She has been taught to follow the mormon rules and to obey her parents so you will always loose out. As hard as it is, you should try and find some other girl who interests you. You will go nuts wondering what she does on the other dates and wouldn't you rather be with a girl who at least puts up a fight for you and who really wants to be with you?

The bottom line is good mormon girls marry good mormon boys. And they should not date non mormon boys in case it interferes with marrying a good mormon boy. That is why her parents are insisting that she date other boys, they are hoping that one of them will "take" and that she will forget about you. Her parents don't see you for YOU, they just see a non mormon boy who might lead their daughter from the church.

Hi, I'm 16 and am in limbo with a Mormon girl. A lot happened basically to lead to we don't know what we should do because she doesn't know if she wants to be sealed in the temple yet or not. I think I could give you some good teen to teen advice. My ex's parents werent as heavily Mor(m)onic as the ones you describe but I see you have two options.

1) If you really love her, things will work out. You will both be willing to sacrifice some things in order to be together. This is that gushy, uber-fairy-tale thing (that we honestly want), and does that happen very often? Leading to your next option (and the one I recommend..)

2) RUN!!! This will end in heartbreak and nothing but negativity for you. It just isn't worth it. Enjoy your youth and chase after a girl that's practical to be with. I know you probably think "I don't love or want to be with anyone else in the world" but you're 15 -- plenty of fish in the sea whose rules aren't so strict.

Could you really handle her going out with another guy? Especially if he's Mormon and that's what she would want in a marriage? Say you do one day have to break up over "Mormons must be sealed in the temple." A split over that reason is devastatingly heartbreaking, I can tell you from first hand experience.

This girl sounds walled and sheltered. There is someone else for you who will always love you unconditionally and want to and be able to be with you no matter what. I just don't think Mormons should coexist with normal society, and when we start to get romantically involved with one, it just hurts. I know how heartbreaking it is when you love her, but you're putting yourself through hell for very regulated dates on a not regulated schedule. Hey, you're 15, you can have a fun teen relationship with her but know her future intentions first and make sure there's another chick on the line. I just wish someone had given me this advice before I wasted about a year of my life. So my suggestion...you take it.

Good luck bro, peace

Since he is only seeing her once a month, just stick to that. He can date other girls and be non-exclusive with the Mormon girl. Remain friends and see where it goes, but don't put all your eggs into this one basket.

I don't see any reason to dump her, but a once-a-month relationship isn't going to go any where fast. Tell her you are going to date other girls until she gets out of her parents' grasp, and if she doesn't like that, move on.

It will only get worse. You are young and trust me, there are LOTS of really cool, non-Mormon fish in the sea out there.

If you persist in your relationship with this, girl, better get used to it - you will ALWAYS have to "share" her with the church. Besides that, they will come after you - unrelentingly - to convert.

So cut bait while you still can.

Raven is 100% right. You don't fit in their plans for their daughter. You aren't Mormon. It makes no sense to you but it does to them and your girl friend will listen to her parents. She's way too young now to go against her parents wishes. That could take years if ever.

From experience it rarely works and it's a hard time for all involved. Find a girlfriend you can go out with all the time. you'll be happier.

stormy

RUN....

Those people are nuts and you don't want to get involved in that mess...would hate to see you join a Church that teaches horrible lies just to get a girl!

RUN!.... Run run ...far away..

This is a recipe for disaster and you will loose! Don't waste years of agony on this.

I'm sure you are crazy about this girl,but you are SO much better off being sad and hurt now over ending this relationship, than you will be years down the road.

So run as fast as you can, have a good cry and move on with your life.

Good luck to you!

Homeschooling is odd, even for Mormons. The fact that they pulled her out of HS shows they are overly protective and don't want outside influences. That puts them on the edge of even Mormon society.

Mormons are not supposed to date non-Mormons. My parents were pretty lax about that, but homeschooling parents will likely not be. Her parents do not want her dating you because you are not Mormon.

She may not be asking her parents permission because she knows what the answer is and is afraid to ask. Would you ask your parents if it's okay to score some weed and smoke it in your basement? Of course not, and just asking will get into trouble.

Ultra TBMs have a dim view of non-Mormons. They may think that you are going to get their precious daughter drunk and knock her up. You may be the nicest guy in the world, but until you go on a Mormon mission, you will never be good enough for them.

My advice: move on. Remains friends with her and date when you can, but you can't have an exclusive relationship until she is out of her parents' home. Start dating non-Mormon girls who aren't being brainwashed through homeschooling. Don't waste your HS years pining for some girl who isn't really available.

She is. There's no way around that one. All of us here know that that's the case. What Mormons do best is gossip and talk smack about non-Mormons, particularly if they're pursuing your daughter. I'd run away from the family, then keep my distance. Every now and again you can wave to her from the other side of the football stadium or something.

BTW, stake dances didn't used to be that way. They started changing from fun dances with live music to the crap they are today beginning... I dunno exactly when. But they suck now. Mormons are no longer about having fun.

From what I am reading, it doesn't sound so much as a mormon thing, but more like she doesnt really want to be your gf. Hard to hear I know but in life, sooner or later someone is going to break your heart. It might as well be her. It might as well be now. Better have your heart broken at 15 than at 35, than when you're married with kids.

Accept it, let her go, walk away. Cry for a while. Feel loss and pain for a while. A few weeks or months from now, you'll be over it and some other cute girl will be interested in you and you will think she is the best thing in the world.

Rejection is hard, but easier when you stop fighting it.

Good luck buddy, sometimes its hard to see the big picture. You wont always feel this way.

Don't - there is the advice. They are taught to date and marry within their religion, race, intelligence level, and wealth level. Period. At 15, you have a lot of life left to find the "one".

You could get baptised become a jack mormon and try to lead her out when you both are 18.

You should know that she won't give you any unless you are active and considered temple worthy.

JoD3:360 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You should know that she won't give you any unless
> you are active and considered temple worthy.


Dead on. If the family is tbm they will pimp their daughter, but not to you. You can be Atlas and you'll be rejected. Any RM beats you out.

I managed to steal a daughter of Zion though, so if you're a player, and you've got game, it can be a thrill. We are 20 years plus, married too =D

Social proof, the influence of peer pressure and mate selection is an art and science, learn all you can about Kolobians, and show compassion. Study pick up and dating arts. You'll be fine.

I advise, wait 8 years, don't get involved with an LDS girl, and find a woman who's a great match for you when you're finishing college.

Tank to her. You cant put yourself though hell unless theres a light at the end of the tunnel. Make sure she wants there to be that light.

Many years ago I worked in a small town in Wyoming that was 95%+ LDS. I dated LDS girls and had fun. However the one that I was most taken with was TBM as were her family. Her Dad died in a farm accident a few years before and she had 5 other sisters and 2 brothers.

They treated me as part of the family, I went to several LDS sacrament meetings and we talked alot about being LDS and being Catholic. We discussed, we never argued, they were just as interested in my religion as I was of there. This was my first exposure to LDS.

We even had a weekend trip to SLC and they went to Mass with me at the Cathedral of the Medeleine. Her Mother also visited the Catholic Church in Montpelier when she had gone for other business.

If I would have had access to information like is available on this board, there would have been a good chance to to cause them to seriously consider their LDS beliefs.

When it became time to leave and transfer to another state, we had the normal breakup feelings and tears. We wrote each other but I could tell that things weren't the same. Then came the "Dear John" letter, her mother had reminded her that she had to be true to her goals that she had made several years ago, especially the one about marrying a RM.

After all these years I still think of her and how deeply our feelings were for each other. I wish her all the happiness in the world.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/23/2011 11:04AM by backphil.

These things vary so much from person to person, it's really hard to give you solid advice. I'm a nevermo (agnostic in the sense that I'm basically an atheist, but if something changes my mind I'm all for it) and I'm currently dating a Mormon. I got the "RUN!" advice on here when I first started asking questions, but in my case I'm glad I stuck it out. Granted, I'm almost twice your age. And granted, no matter how happy we are or how well our relationship is going I'm always prepared for it to end out of the blue. Because I'm the only same-gender relationship she's ever been in, and also the only girl she's ever been attracted to. If I weren't in the picture she could go back to finding a nice mormon boy for a "normal" baby-makin relationship.

But... Right now she makes me really happy. I adore everything about her, and I'm determined to enjoy her for however long she's with me. I don't think I would have been able to deal with this sort of terrifying uncertainty at 15. I would have made myself nuts. Still, I remember my first real girlfriend. I was 15 when we went out, and when we broke up I thought my entire world was over. I couldn't imagine EVER being over her or ever wanting anyone else. But I got over her and now I wish I could go back and tell miserable heartbroken teenage me that I would be just fine eventually.

You need to draw a line somewhere or you'll just keep getting pushed further and further until you're pushed out of the picture completely. Where that line is depends entirely on you, but I think I would draw it way before letting my girlfriend go out with other people. Good luck, little dude. I hope things work out for you.

most likely she hasn't told her parents that you petted her, and isn't going to, or they wouldn't be so non-challant around you. It sounds like you're a really good guy, and they see that, and so technically they can't complain.

As long as you're still minors and the marriage/sex threat isn't there, they'll be totally nice and respectful. But they are definitely going to try to lead her toward other options, as is evident. And you can definitely not expect this relationship to go anywhere in the long run.

Drop it. Carve your heart out and stomp on it. Then when you find another awesome girl you'll realize how silly your crush and heartbreak on this one was in the first place. In actuality it's not silly, but you'll come to think of it as that, and that will help you dive into the next great relationship without reservations.

Don't wait eight years. I don't know what you're supposed to do in eight years. Don't go off the grid. There are momos, nevermos, cathos, baptos, christos, and me: I am an atho.

But anyway, you gotta live bro, part of life is, her mom doesn't like me, her friends don't like me, her ex boyfriend doesn't like me...

Stay alive, beware of risks, you could be hurt, and badly, but live anyway. Just because a horse can throw you is no reason not to ride.

Be careful, use condoms when appropriate for gods sake, be a good person and handle adult things like an adult, not a fricken baby. If you can't do that, then go back to the nursery for 8 years.

There is no such thing as a "dream girl" and you probably do not know this girl very well at all. What you do 'know" is the illusion you have made up for yourself about her. I happen to know a fair amount of 15 year old girls and not one of them is a "dream" to live with.

My suggestion is that you concentrate on finding out about the world by studying and learning and focusing on school, sports, music, etc. instead of thinking you have found your "soul mate" at 15.

It is vitally important that you learn about yourself and other people as individuals in their own right and let them make decisions for themselves, as sad for you that might be. In other words, learn to take NO for answer. Either that or don't get upset when we don't take your 'no' as an answer and keep coming at you.

The poster is only 15 years old and still a kid himself so we should be cautious about replying to him...

You RUN like hell. And you never look back.

Yep,gotta agree. Run like hell.