As a nevermo I have been wondering for some time but never asked how often the constant begging for more money affected you and your family--- ability to feed, clothe, take kids to the Dr. or paying for prescriptions, pay bills etc. Were you constantly stressed over these things if you were the primary bread winner- all due to the 10% tithe requirement? When your parents saw you struggle weren't they concerned?

Now I realize some Mormons are very wealthy and this would not be a problem for them. I also realize many would think that being members of the one true church "you would never have to worry about anything bad happening." But in all truthfulness, how much did you worry that you could not provide for your family with the church meddling in and directing how your money is to be spent?

I am constantly amazed how anyone could let a "church" stress them out so. I would always take care of my family first. Living with such stress could bring on all kinds of health problems - mental only being one of them.

I have to admit, church was number one on my list of stressful things! Additionally, my wife is a nevermo so that was stress in and of itself. It was very difficult trying to convince her that 10% was suppose to go to the church. We missed out on family vacations and many other things just so I could pay tithing. I am surprised my marriage lasted through it all. So glad I'm out!

Yes this definitely stressed me out. But most of my TBM family thought if you paid your 10% - somehow you would in the end get blessed. I didn't experience these blessings. In fact, once I quit paying tithing I was able to start to save a little. It is a huge burden for some families to raise kids in the church with the added stress of forking money over to TSCC all the time.

Well, I just recently discovered that one of my TBM relatives blew off a big home loan from years ago that he got from his non-mo dad, knowing that there would little to no pressure to pay it back. I would call that stress-relieving to get a "free" house...

So he just took advantage of the non-mormon dad for a mortgage? Real classy....guess that would relieve lots of stress.

My DH went back to college after he got out of the military and we ran up some student loans. He graduated a few years ago and, if we hadn't been paying tithing we would have all our student loans paid off by now. The amount we paid in tithing those years is the exact amount we still owed on the student loans, or at least it was last year, when I finally asked if it was OK to stop paying tithing on my half of the income. I didn't want my money wasted like that. We took some of my former tithing $ and gave it to a different charity of my choice each month because DH said he still wanted the money to go to a good cause. Last year we paid just on his half of the income.

But that's not the kicker - recently he had his hours cut back at work and we were astonished at how well we were living on his newly reduced income. Then we realized we weren't paying tithing at all...DH wanted to wait til he could pick up some more hours but without the tithing - and very good budgeting - we could make it on his lower income. He hasn't even mentioned tithing all year and he's no longer killing himself to work lots of extra hours just to make ends meet. This was a big eye opener for him to realize the ends would meet if tithing weren't in between the ends. Now if we could just pay off the last bit of student loans and we'd actually have some disposable income to play with every month...even on his lowered hours.

Tithing, if it were used for good and wasn't so extreme (paying on your gross income, forced settlement interviews) wouldn't be so bad but the way the Mormons run it, it's just one big extortion racket.

Oh, yes, the forced settlement issue. That would be a reason to get stressed bigtime.

"...paying on your gross income..."

Mormons are supposed to tithe on their GROSS income?

My God, in a state like CA we already pay state income tax, some of the highest sales taxes in the country, property tax, and then of course there are the federal taxes! How can the average middle-class LDS family afford to tithe on their gross income on top of all that?

I hope taxes are lower in Utah.

yes, tithing settlement was very stressful to me. i wanted to be honest, so i would look thru all my income / tithing records to make sure they were accurate. It was a big stressful head-ache doing that. but i didn't want to feel guilty that may be i had lied to the bishop or even worse, CHEATED the lord.

then one year i realized that since tithing was 'voluntary', that as long as i didn't want a temple recommend, i didn't have to go thru the -for me- stressful tithing settlement or self checking my accounting any more. that was the end of tithing settlelment for me. and yes, many years later i was diagnosed with OCD.

I grew up in a poor family. My father was cool with it as he never really handled the economy. But my mother was always on the edge of despair. We kids would sometimes find her weeping over it. At times we even lived on wellfare, and deluded as my parents were they still paid tithe on it. We got a lot of ugly clothes from well-meaning ward-members but that's pretty much the only "blessing" we got. I'm certain that with a 10% raise my mother would have felt much less freaked out and much less depressed. Poverty sucks big time and when you are poor every freakin' cent matters.

That is so sad, brefots. I can't imagine a feeling a Mormon mom must have knowing she had no more money for anything. And yet, she was to keep a smile on her face and look blessed.

For me, it was just a GIVEN that we HAD to pay it, on gross. But there were many times that money was tight. There were times we paid with a cash advance.

In our case, tithing meant we weren't saving for retirement when we could have been doing that. There were times when we simply didn't have the money and we borrowed the money for it.

Think about the drain on a budget at any income level:

You make 2000 a month, lose some to taxes , SS, and medicare (very little in that income bracket) and pay $200 to tithing. $200 is a LOT of money on a tight budget. Maybe a modest car payment, or home repairs, or retirement savings. But probably that $200 will come out of things you desperately need.

$3000, it's $300. To put that in perspective, if a person made 3000 a month they would be FOOLISH to spend 300 a month on a car, because they'd probably be living hand to mouth. And they'd probably default on the loan. But even more foolish than buying a car, which they could ACTUALLY use, they give the money away, with NO accounting of where it goes.

On $4000, still a below average income, $400 a month of money needed for necessities of life, GONE.

On $6000, when people start getting to an income that is a little more comfortable, they are giving $600 of their income, or $7200 a year away. That's money for a down payment, retirement or college they are giving away. Or their family vacations.

I could go on, but my point is that people reduce the quality of life. What could someone DO with an extra $200, $300, $400, $600 per month? Instead, they are guilted and threatened into paying to a church that doesn't even NEED the money, and doesn't feel obligated to use the assets it DOES have to help the poor. But instead, it buys real estate and a mall during a recession and balks at the idea of helping members who have paid tithing their whole lives but hit hard times during the bad economy.

end of rant

I loved your rant and it is all so true. The two to six hundred dollars could be used to save for retirement, save for college for your kids, get a decent car payment, or to replace or repair something at your home - like a dishwasher, put in new carpet, or fix up a yard to prepare for resale. So many things it could be used for. But Mormons are trained that these things are not necessary in ones day to day life. I really do feel for those making less than 70,000 a yr. It takes a big chunk of your monthly income. And the more kids, the harder it is to make ends meet. Forget about helping an elderly parent.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/23/2011 09:14AM by honestone.

We did the whole, "let's have kids, while the husband works to support the family, and finishes his education." Bad plan...really bad plan.

After graduating there were many times when we both stressed about money. Not having a second line of defense with only one trained bread winner caused a lot of concern during times of illness and economic downturns.

Not a fun way to live.

I didn't have enough money, so I just flat didn't pay. Then I said that I did to get my BYU ecclesiastical endorsement. I figured it wasn't real income, but for school. So, I shouldn't have to pay tithing. I couldn't anyway. For some reason I was never questioned about that.

Later, I wasn't all that troubled by tithing, and I paid a full tithe. However, we weren't pestered for money constantly like members are today. The Mormon church has really set itself in a poor light to the members with all the begging for money I hear about these days. Then they turn around and spend $4 billion on a mall with restaurants that sell alcohol. Not very good for morale.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/22/2011 11:06PM by Makurosu.

Oh man, honestone, you just made me think of something that makes me really mad. My sister-in-law is in her early 20's and totally and permanently disabled. My brother never finished school (cuz he's just lazy) and now "supports" them by earning just above minimum wage. They're also uber TBM and trying to get pregnant. I never thought about it before, but I bet they always pay their tithing first. That really pisses me off because I'm always buying food for them, giving them gas money, covering an electric bill here and there, and letting them do laundry at my house (they never bring their own detergent). I bet all I buy for them would add up to 10% of their income, so if you think about it I'm actually paying their tithing. The lord doth provide! Pardon me while I go seethe for awhile.