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Posted by: brigidbarnes ( )
Date: June 16, 2017 09:54PM

Is it gone, or will the anger pop up again on me later?

I hope it's gone, because I do want to move on.

I was the most gullible and vulnerable of teens. In those days, you could not get help at school like kids do now. There was nowhere to turn, and the Mormons gave me lots of attention. But they didn't comprehend dysfunctional family issues and taught me to blame myself for the abuse. I accepted that, because I needed their attention so much. Years later when talking about family abuse came into public awareness and became acceptable to talk about, LDS church leaders treated me like I was under the influence of Satan for speaking up with the truth. I did not leave for a more enlightened fellowship because I was afraid God would punish me for leaving his Only True Church.

It wasn't until 2 years and 3 months ago that I finally couldn't deny that the Church was a fake. The anger I felt was incredible. All that tithing money! What I could have done for my kids with it! All the bad mental health...thankfully, my grown kids have chosen not to follow Mormonism. My husband has left, too. For a long time, I thought the anger would kill me. But now it's gone, and I hope it's gone for good. There is a lot of nonMormon living to do!

Over the years, I have seen the area where I live reject Mormonism. People in my town and county refused to sell them land for a meetinghouse, but they sold to other denominations, including Jehovah's Witnesses. They had to cross the border to buy land! Now even that meetinghouse is boarded up. All of the older members have died, Boomers have either left or moved away, and young adults have all walked away in disgust. You have to drive 25 miles to attend a meetinghouse. And their congregation is down to 50% of what it used to be. A few "old fogies" keep the ward going, but what will happen when they are gone? That Seerstone we know as the Internet is doing its work!

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Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: June 16, 2017 10:13PM

I hope my anger doesn't go away. I've always contended that anger has gotten a bad rap.

Anger gives us the strength to rescue ourselves.

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Posted by: East Coast Exmo ( )
Date: June 16, 2017 10:21PM

Anger also clouds judgement and makes us do things that aren't productive.

Losing anger doesn't mean losing strength or determination.

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Posted by: brigidbarnes ( )
Date: June 16, 2017 10:28PM

That's true! My strength and determination that Mormonism is permanently rejected from my life is always with me. It's a comfort now, rather than an overwhelming emotion.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: June 16, 2017 10:24PM

I'm with you Kathleen.

Only my anger is better called righteous indignation.

How else to attempt to right wrongs, and set boundaries with those who have none?

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: June 16, 2017 10:42PM

Sounds very nice to me. I haven't experienced much of it, but I like the sound of it.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: June 16, 2017 11:23PM

You can go along not being angry for a short time and then they say that children of gays can't be baptized, etc., and then the anger returns.

Or your TBM daughter posts on mother's day how she loves all her mothers and then posts her mormon mothers along with me. And she has NO REASON to feel that way other than she is TBM and I'm not. I have sacrificed more than you will ever know for that kid.

And my therapist (who is exmo) told me that anger is good. Just because we were taught in mormonism that it isn't doesn't mean it is a bad thing.

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Posted by: catnip ( )
Date: June 17, 2017 01:53AM

has a lot to do with it, I think.

I resigned over a decade ago. My DH remains inactive. One of our kids has resigned, the others have all gone inactive. All parents have passed on.

So, the Mormon Church is no longer a constant presence in any of our lives. There is no binding or chafing, as it were. The anger has faded to a sort of benign indifference.

When I run into people (say, at the store) whom I used to know at church, we exchange pleasant greetings, but they don't bug us to come back. I think word has gotten around that they don't need to waste their breath.

It may take more than "a couple of years," but you CAN move past the anger, and get on with your life in most cases.

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Posted by: relievedtolearn ( )
Date: June 16, 2017 11:31PM

from what I understand, anger is part of the grieving process, and there's a lot to grieve. I think that it can become a chain, holding you in a place you don't want to be--at least that is how I feel right now. So moving on sounds good. As I understand what I've read about the grieving process, one does move THROUGH it to a new normal.

I remember one time a few years ago when someone I worked with said that for her, "it is what it is." At that time, my response was NOOOOOO! But now, several years later, it feels good to be able to say, "it is what it is." Freeing. And part of the process of learning unconditional love, letting the dear other believe what he will, and me not feeling obliged to correct and control that. Yahoo; I'm growing up, I think. Good to think that's happening before I die of old age. hmph.

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Posted by: Babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: June 17, 2017 02:13AM

Mormonism teaches you that you should normally be happy. No, all of the emotions are normal. Anger at what Mormonism has done is normal. It's also normal to get over it, when you're ready. It's there for a reason.

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Posted by: JamesT ( )
Date: June 17, 2017 02:21AM

I lost my anger as soon as I left my TBM gf. She and her "rescue" attempts really brought me down.

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Posted by: Felix ( )
Date: June 17, 2017 02:30AM

It is a lot harder forgetting and leaving it behind when your significant other and all family both sides are still tbm. I believe this can lead to polarization. I hate the religion to the extent it becomes an ever important and controlling part of their lives.

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Posted by: relievedtolearn ( )
Date: June 18, 2017 10:24PM

Having a significant other who is Mormon makes it impossible to just let go and leave it behind; there's something almost every day that directly affects me.

For me, I'm working on learning to be brave enough to be myself, and to let him be himself without me criticizing or attempting to control---seems to be helping.

Reading on this rfm has been helping a lot; there are things I'm getting worked through now thanks to this rfm that I've been trying to get help with, even find someone to talk to about---for years. That includes ex-mo or inactive-mo people (who have been mostly very "circle-the-wagons" about the whole thing: my DH, who ends up trying to convince me, and secular counselors, who haven't had a clue what I was dealing with.

So----my anger is getting less, acceptance is getting more; and I hope I am getting more courage to be openly myself in this situation.

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Posted by: paintinginthewin ( )
Date: June 19, 2017 07:02AM

I think I needed to untangle the triggers first. Injustice paradoxes idealized (lies) and disable fears dogmatic teachings hacked and gouged into vulnerabilities.... in order to acknowledge disappointment & memories, betrayals of trust, by simple humans with l d s super human doctrine (super human doctrinal assertions) . And deal a hand of compassion to my self that was dealt such a deck stacked with doctrinal paradoxes beneath cultural fluff hiding regular human frailties and stuff
Packed in manuals leather scriptures and new garments in plastic wrap I once mistook for heroic marvel comic level super shielding
The church lies compared to the true believing me was like truth, the security, life's safety left me just when I needed it most. Just like the song " you left me just when I needed you most"

Once I stood holding my Mormon heroic marvel comic level super shield - I know I taught Targateers for a looong time, hiding behind my super shield. Until the pastiche wrap ripped and the garments faded until. I could see through it.

through --------- done with it.

Thank you for the opportunities and support to face learn desensitize Mormon church injustices paradoxes from my past.

There's a song Randy Vanwarmer "just when I needed you most" you being safety, testimony l d s truth, heros and true love says it all thru these Rfm years the true believers truth " you left me just when I needed you most ".....
" now most every morning I stare out the window
And I think about where you might be
I've written you letters that I'd like to send
If you would just send one to me
Errors instead of heros replaced beehive history dreamy
Mystery lost to mountain meadow massacre, true love lost to tragedies of pioneer polygamy

Song to say thanks to Eric for the board from concrete zipper forward beyond lists years of posters all of you through the years /at least part of the lyrics in Anne Murray's song : "You Needed Me" I was confused, you cleared my mind
I sold my soul you bought it back for me
And held me up and gave me dignity... gave me strength to stand alone again
To face the world out on my own again...
...I needed you and you were there"

You gave me strength

& if you ever needed me it was to argue

V Painting

Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2017 08:00AM by paintinginthewin.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: June 19, 2017 11:23AM

I want to warn everyone about mormonism. It's my mission.

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Posted by: pollythinks ( )
Date: June 19, 2017 02:05PM

Oh yeah. The 'four' stages of grief are well known..

One of these is anger.

Something like, sadness, grieving, anger, and (forgiving?, or 'forgetting?)

Look it up on goggle.

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Posted by: SusieQ#1 ( )
Date: June 19, 2017 08:08PM

It depends on a lot of factors. For me, anger was not part of how or why I left the LDS Church. Yes, the claims are bogus, but they are so bizarre (from the original claims) that they were just too funny to believe!

At my age, I rarely give over any of my personal power to anger or any kind of negativity. Probably not in years, now. That comes from taking my power back and owning it. Nobody and nothing has the power to "make" me angry. Sure, I get frustrated, irritated, annoyed, upset, but it does not add up to anger.

I have been known to "sound angry" but I was not angry. I have also been known to have a "dramatic personality" so when I am excited about something, raise my voice, I may be enthusiastic and emphatic, and passionate, but that is not anger from me.

The greatest release on the road to making peace with all of my life is forgiveness. Let the past go. I don't live there anymore.

What other people did and said, no matter how outrageous it was, no matter how much they lied, cheated me, mistreated me, did not support me, etc., etc, was about them, not me. Never was it about me.

I know that people often have no idea what they are doing when making choices and taking action. Never once does it occur to them that they are influencing someone in a very negative, sometimes hurtful manner. Some do it on purpose and some do not care, but either way, it is about them, not me.

I realized, eventually, that to be offended, I have to "take" offense. At this point in my life..... I refuse! I refuse to take on anyone else's problems and issues, etc.

If I am concerned about something, getting mad or angry is less preferable to being enthusiastic, and or passionate. I just don't see a need to be angry, personally.

I know as human beings, we are going to experience a large variety of emotions. I also know that I am in charge of my emotions. If I own my own power, I maintain in charge which means other people are not going to be able to dictate how I feel, or what emotions I feel. I'll decide! And, most of the time, that is how it works.....

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