Posted by:
cricket
(
)
Date: May 23, 2011 05:43AM
Both Elohim and Jesus found several reasons each to delay their previously scheduled Rapture of May 21, 2011.
10. Jesus was angry at those lazy Mormons for not keeping His temples and meeting houses clean enough. "Clean first, rapture second."
9. Jesus' personal spokesperson, Thomas Monson, could not motivate the Mormon masses to move back to Jackson County, Missouri in time.
8. Thomas Monson asked Jesus to delay the rapture until the Mormon - City Creek Mall construction in Salt Lake City was completed.
7. Boyd K Packer's Little Factory scheduled major maintenance is taking much longer than expected and Jesus did not want Packer polluting heaven.
6. The Christian God still refuses to allow Mormons wearing their bizarre temple clothing into heaven.
5. Elohim wants to wait and see which Mormon U.S. presidential candidate, Mitt Romney or Jon Huntsman will win the Republican Party ticket.
4. Elohim has to reschedule the rapture from a Saturday to a Sunday, else only the Seventh Day Adventist (surpassed LDS in membership and growth rates in 2010) will go to heaven.
3. Jesus is waiting to see which National Basketball Association team will draft BYU all star, Jimmer Fredette.
2. Thomas Monson wanted at least another year to see if the First Presidency would need to annul Marie Osmond's third marriage.
1. Lucifer finally won a favor from Elohim to delay The Rapture until Thomas Monson dies thus leaving the Mormon Church in the clutches of Boyd K Packer.
And a bonus reason:
Elohim is still waiting for Jesus to muster the courage to "come out of the celestial closet" thus allowing gays full fellowship in the Mormon Church.
Maybe you can add some other reasons for the delay?