A little background....My dh still goes to church about half the time. He is nom and has been really accepting of me leaving the church. He spoke in church last week and I stayed home with the kids.

So, today I get this email from a lady in our ward;

"Tauna, You and the kids missed the best talk! Your DH gave the most amazing talk and the spirit was so strong! I'm so sorry you and the kids missed it. Everyone was talking about how great it was. We all love you and miss you so much. You have an amazing husband."

I do have an amazing husband, but I am really annoyed with this email. I'm not really sure why I am so pissed and I don't know how to respond to it. This lady is a very nice person, but tries to manipulate/guilt people.

"Yes, I DO have a great husband! Thank you. And we didn't miss anything because we get to hear his talks every day. But thanks for your concern and I really hope you master appropriate boundaries some day."

Gotta love an email covered in a thick layer of guilt trip! You can remind her that you get to spend time as a family and enjoy each other outside of church, possibly more without them sucking up your precious time and resources. And if she misses you, what's stopping her from seeing you? It's not very genuine to say that but not actually pursue a visit- guilt tactic, pure and simple. I don't have any solid advice... but this would drive me crazy too!!!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/25/2011 12:37PM by MJ.

'I missed nothing - I wrote the talk for him!'
or
'What is it you miss about me?'

+1

"I do have a great husband, and believe me, I fully appreciate him. I'm glad that you enjoyed his talk. I'll pass the word along."

If you respond at all, Sister Self-Righteousness will know that she “got to you,” which was exactly her intention. She will feel proud of her success! Therefore, as tempting as it probably is to send a nasty response, IMO the best response is NO response.

If, with no response/encouragement from you, she sends a second similar e-mail, then I would suggest turning over the matter to DH. In that case, I would recommend his saying (or e-mailing back to her, if it is an e-mail communication):

“If you cannot be as respectful of my wife's choices as I am, kindly avoid communication with her.”

You're so pissed because she is manipulating you! What a gooey sappy guilt trip.

I'd say, "I do have an amazing husband! Thank you for noticing. I notice all the time, since we see each other every day. You miss me?! What a sweet thing to say. But if that's true, why don't you ever call, drop by, invite me to non church related activities, want to hang out? What exactly was it you miss about me?"

Well, I don't know if I would really say that, it all depends, but it's fun to think it. I'm so glad that I rarely hear this kind of BS anymore.

PS. Is this a Tauna that I know? Are you in VA by any chance?

"Dear Ms. TBM, if you think his talk was great you ought to slip under the sheets with him sometime. That's when I feel the spirit".

And I think I may use hotwaterblue's response...love it!!!

I knew it was a manipulation when I read it and it bothered me. It felt to me that she was saying, "We all shared an intimate moment with your husband...and you were nowhere to be found".

This lady is really nice, but she has issues. She will stay up all night making cakes or doing things for other people and then limp around for days because she has bad arthritis and worked too hard. She babysits her grandkids constantly, and always let everyone know how hard it is.

I think you should ignore her email. But if you answer it at all, how about saying

"Thanks."

.... and leave it at that.

Your reasons for not being there are none of her business.

...exactly. Keep an eye on that girl.

that she is attracted to him. She's hoping that you'll pass it on to him.

"This lady is a very nice person, but tries to manipulate/guilt people."

Nice people don't manipulate other people with guilt.

Don't reply to it.

Print it off and burn it, let your dog pee on it, line a birdcage with it or roll it up to swat at wasps. It's not deserving of your response, imo.

It's interesting that people say on email what they would never do in person. Imagine her gushing over your husband if the two of you were standing with her in the foyer. It would be so obviously inappropriate.

The most she would say is "Great talk, Brother X, thanks for that." She would never turn to you and say what she did in front of him.

Never email something you could not say in person. Her email to you is passive aggressive, suggesting subtly that you don't appreciate him. Some of the posters above had hilarious retorts to highlight that, but it would be like making fun of a Downs Syndrome person.

She admires your husband, maybe wishes her husband were more like yours--or, she doesn't have a husband and wishes she had yours. She can't tell him, so she tells you--not consciously hoping you will pass it on, but relieving herself of her bursting feelings.

Your intuition spots this immediately as the aggression it is. We women survive by knowing these things. Men often completely misjudge such communications, thinking, "Oh, she's just being nice - trying to activate you."

Your best response is to email her:

Dear ----:

Why don't you tell my husband in person how you feel about him? RIGHT! It would be inappropriate, wouldn't it?

A piece of advice for you: never email anything you can't say to a person directly.

Best,

You



Anagrammy

"Dear ___,

I'm glad you felt the talk was amazing.

I, on the other hand, think every word of it was complete and utter BS, which is why I wasn't there to listen to it.

I seriously doubt I am missed there since I still live at the same house and none of my old ward 'friends' seem interested in having anything to do with me outside a church building.

So while my husband is indeed amazing and much loved and supported by his family, the church he chooses to attend is a sad, uninspiring, untrue, and greedy cult. And should he ever choose to leave it, my children and I will not 'miss' him, but continue to embrace him with the same love and support we have always given him.

Should you ever wish to learn more about your religion I suggest: www.mormonthink.com.

Sincerely,
__________"


I doubt you will ever hear from her or anyone within the sound of her voice ever again. :-)

I mean, she's being all gooshy nice, which is ok, but says "sorry" you weren't there....like "Unfortunately you are not smart enough to take advantage of this great religion"...SORRY? SORRY?

I'd be tempted to tell her "SORRY YOU ARE IN FRICKIN' CULT AND CAN'T SEE IT!"...but alas she would just fwd that e-mail to all her little RS b*tches to show what an apostate you are....

and calling your husband "awesome" sounds like she is fishing to become wife #2 (or #1) in the hereafter...OR it sounds like "you know he really deserves better...."

...WHAT A FRICKIN B*TCH

OK I'm better now.....

I agree with others who have said this woman's gushing about your husband is downright creepy to the point where it was inappropriate. This was more disturbing to me than the roundabout effort to "activate" you. The latter can safely be ignored, but the former I'd make sure to keep an eye on. Doesn't matter if your husband is attracted to her or not...women who talk like this about other women's husbands are often a special kind of crazy.