A no-mo colleague talked with me and a Mormon colleague about the possibility of getting divorced. Me, a divorced person, and the Mormon colleague who's married had differing opinions that we gave.

I told he/she to keep trying to work it out (the person met "another" and now wants a divorce). I gave my perspective of how difficult divorce has been for me even though my ex and I have done a spectacular job of keeping our communication positive for the kids' sake.

My Mormon colleague, on the other hand, asked, "Are you happy? Is it worth it to stay for the kids?" And this is what the no-mo colleague was looking for in a response.

As much as divorce has been good for us all around, kids included, I still am an advocate for marriage and working it out because I feel like a failure for divorcing.

I just thought it was interesting that my Mormon colleague was more open to the idea of divorce than I was.

I had a lot of women come to me (back when I attended church) with their marriage frustrations but I was always quite honest about the fact that single parenting is tough. For me and my children it was the best option but it certainly wasn't an easy route to take. If your Mormon colleague has never been divorced then they may simply not realize how stressful divorce is -- even when it's the best option.

I still breathe a heavy sigh each time a friend wants advice from me for divorce because my ex and I have handled it so well. But it's SO incredibly hard. Yes, like you, it's been better in so many ways (no more fighting), but the reality of the divorce is rough in many other ways.

Like you said, my Mormon colleague hasn't been divorced and doesn't understand. Thanks for stating such.

Another thing to consider: the kids. Don't ask your kids; ask people whose parents divorced when they were young.

We are finding out that all those psychologists in the '70's and '80's who insisted that it was better for the kids to have happy parents who were apart rather than parents at war (or indifferent parents) at home were wrong.

Of course there are exceptions, but the first and second waves of children of divorce are speaking out and they are saying that while their parents may have been happier, they were not. They wanted their parents and they wanted them together.

Don't take my word for it, do your homework. Look it up on the internet, do some research on the long term effects of divorce, single parenting and joint custody on kids. And realize, as you read that they are written from the perspective of 'it's not as bad as you think'. Meaning, it's bad, but it could be worse.

Is this what you want for you family? Is it worth it?

The honest truth is that my parents should have never procreated. That being said, I think them being together would have been by far the worst situation. They fed off each other and made each other worse. I'd love to see the research you're talking about, nwmcare, because I find this assertion fairly unbelievable.

Interesting you say this, because as someone who was twelve when her parents separated (fourteen when they divorced), I completely disagree.

Was it rocky at first? Yes. Trying to adapt to the new normal was difficult. But did I want both of my parents together? It honestly didn't occur to me. They both loved me. That's all that mattered to me.

I think divorce was the best thing that happened to my mom - she grew into a strong, self-supporting woman after the divorce and grew tremendously as a human being. And watching her do this as I was a teenager was a gift - because I was old enough to watch her do it, and learned a LOT from it.

Most of my friends who had parents divorcing when they were younger have similar stories. The ones that don't usually were used as the messenger bait between their parents.

No - divorce isn't as bad as you think for kids - PROVIDING that you work at making it a good situation. Don't put the kids in the middle. Don't use them as messengers. Let them have an outlet to express their opinions openly. They will and do adapt.