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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 02:04AM

And its really messing with my head. And its to the point that i dont really want to figure out who i really am. Is this a mormon control device? Because she is right at one basic thing is that i am not even at my complete real self yet. But thats pretty easy to guess i think. My mind has probably got messed with more than anybody's i feel but i could be wrong. All i know is that i have been getting better faster since i left religion in the dust. Sometimes i do make a cross on my chest before surgery but thats about it. I dont really think she really knows me but even i am self discovering myself so how can i even tell. Its just messing with me because she still texts me, i think she might actually care i dont know. What do you guys think? I feel like i am always teamed up against by her and her jesus.

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Posted by: luckylucas ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 02:54AM

My bishop sent me 2 or 3 times this scripture:
John 6:67 : Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?

I'm agnostic so I just don't care now but at the time I was christian I thought that I wasn't betraying jesus I was just leaving the church because of being mistreated and I knew that jesus would understand me, then I discovered that the church was a cult and became agnostic but despite being agnostic I will tell you that as long as the church is a cult, leaving the church doesn't mean leaving your faith in jesus.
So don't think you're against jesus because COJCOLDS is not his church, it's just an evil cult.

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 06:34AM

Thank you because i do feel like im a believer in something but not the complicated cult. I appreciate this.

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 04:13AM

Who, the fuck, does she think she is? Badass, YOU ARE A COMPLETE PERSON. You're also in recovery from trauma and healing from surgeries. You posses a great character trait--honesty.

She ought to be listening to your recovery story and graciously encouraging you on.

I'm saddened to read that her presence and comments are causing you to doubt yourself.

Here's to you, Badass! An honest man who's healing, making peace with issues, and moving forward. Self-doubt is part of the healing process, but you can kick its ass--don't give in to those doubts! Argue with yourself when feeling down--I may be feeling down and wondering about healing, but I'm Badass Adam, and I don't take shit from no one--including the self-doubting me.

Let yourself off the hook, Bro. You're healing, you're making progress, and you're discovering your wonderful uniqueness. And in case you ever wonder, The Boner thinks HIGHLY of you. I always look at the author list and read your posts. Damn straight!

Now excuse me, but it's been a couple of days and I have business to attend to :)

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 06:46AM

Hahahaha you make me laugh everytime boner," Who the fuck does she think she is?" haha she does make me doubt myself because she is a hardcore mormon and her and jesus are best buds apparently so lets fuck with adam's head every couple of weeks even though she knows damn well i have made a ton of progress because of leaving, it is downright abuse i feel to keep trying to drag a trauma victim back to the organization of trauma. Its fucked up cant i be done with their shit it never ends. Cant even sleep tonight i need to learn to just ignore her texts they just make me mad and i cant sleep. And yes you do have business to take care of you have been gone a while, 2 days without the boner seems like forever to the badass. Nobody can make me laugh except old dog and a few others and i feel laughing is key.

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Posted by: notmonotloggedin ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 12:22PM

It doesn't matter how "sweet" or "nice" she is. Her Jesus is an imposter.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 05:17AM

Badass, I would block her number and refuse to answer the door when she knocks. There is something wrong with her. She is a married woman with a large family (didn't you say that she has 9, count 'em, NINE children?) Trust me when I say that she has more than enough going on in her life to keep her busy 24/7. She does not need to be a constant "friend" to you. Cut her loose and don't worry a second about it. You need the time and space to recover both physically and mentally. Look after your needs and let her husband look after her needs.

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 06:55AM

I put a sign on the door, but i havent figured out how to block numbers on this cell phone, i know i can delete them but that doesnt block them. Yes she has nine kids that run the house, 7 that still live there. She has never worked so she is very old school. I keep stupidly thinking that she knows a way to heal me faster because of her claims with jesus but of course she doesnt. And i kick myself about it and i have to keep reminding myself that she has no healing or helping powers even with jesus.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 03:08PM

Then ignore her calls and texts for now. Figure out how to block her number -- google it online, ask a friend, or go to your cell phone provider and have them show you how.

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 05:39PM

I almost dont want to block her just in case because i dont like her and i vent very heavily at her when she texts me. But i know thats probably a bad idea and i really should figure out how to block the number.

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Posted by: kestrafinn (not logged in) ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 01:41PM

Food for thought - I'm a firm believer that none of us are entirely our complete real selves until the day we die, because we (in theory, anyway) continue to grow and experience things throughout our lives.

Now granted, some people refuse to experience or embrace the changes of life... and that what they choose. I personally find stagnation rather dull, but I get that some people absolutely fear change and experiences.

Self-doubt and confusion is part of growth. It's a frustrating part of growth, but it's what divides those who want to better themselves from those who don't. Those who don't see self-doubt and confusion and run away from it back to what's safe. Those who are brave go into the self-doubt and confusion and emerge as a deeper person on the other side.

It's not wrong to take a step back from people when they are stressing you out. Perhaps yes, she means well. But right now - it's not what YOU need as a person to heal and grow. Don't reply to texts. If she keeps persisting, firmly request that she stop contacting you until you contact her.

If it persists, get a new phone number.

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 02:59PM

Thats a good point because i really hate stagnation because it is dull and depressing and i a have done it before. I want to keep getting healthier and happier the natural way and i am taking all the good advice to do that. Because i feel like nobody raised me so i have learned a lot of painful lessons the hard way.

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Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 05:30PM

You can Google, "How to block numbers on XXX-type phone."

Adam dearest, that woman is not a TBM--she's a nut! Do any of those nine kids look like the old man?

She may be the most dangerous thing you have going on in your life right now.

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 05:43PM

She is definitely the most dangerous thing you got that right. All of her kids look either like her or the dad or a mix. But the craziest part is and this will blow your mind is i look like a few of her sons and almost a younger version of her husband. Its a total mindf#ck because i dont look like anybody in my whole family really.

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Posted by: cinda ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 05:49PM

I agree with those who say you need to learn how to block her on your phone, and immediately. You don't need her craziness in your life.

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 05:55PM

Maybe you guys are right but i have no friends in the area so i feel even a crazy lady could come through in the clutch for example giving ride after surgery or something. But then i am just empowering the craziness even more.

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Posted by: scmd ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 06:18PM

Adam, even if you don't formally block her, it's OK to hang up on her. Don't answer the door when she's there unless she has your permission to be there. If you accidentally open the door expecting to see someone else, you can close the door on her. You owe this woman nothing (unless, of course, you are literally in her debt in a financial sense, and even then there are limits to the degree to which she can harass you).

Unless there is something you need from this crazy person, don't talk to her. Hang up, don't answer the door, call the cops if she refuses to leave, do whatever you need to do.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/12/2017 06:20PM by scmd.

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 06:21PM

Alright i will do what i have to and remember the wise words of dont even engage.

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Posted by: Breeze ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 08:19PM

Uber will give you a ride, and all you have to pay is money. Your neighbor is demanding too much of you. Like a true Mormon "member-missionary", she is working on you when you are sick and vulnerable.

Need someone to talk to? You have to be very careful what you say to her, because she has an agenda.

Need someone honest? This woman is lying to you: she has no special "in" with Jesus or God.

Need medical attention? This woman has no magical healing power, nor do any other Mormons, with their priesthood blessings and oil, etc.

Need comfort? You don't want more blaming and guilt that you are "unworthy," and threats of being alone in the hereafter. You deserve good health just as much as anyone else. God does not punish people.

Need to pray? Then, pray, directly to God. YOUR prayers will be heard, just as clearly as the bishop's prayers or the Pope's prayers. Personal prayer can be the most comforting of all.

Need food? You probably have someone bringing you food. The healthiest food is simple. You don't need cookies, or spicy casseroles for 10. You are one person. If larger quantities of food don't keep, then freeze it for later. Most food keeps for 3 months in the freezer.

The bottom line is that this woman is NOT filling any of your needs. She is using you for HER agenda of bringing you back to the cult, and gaining prestige within the cult, for doing so. Y

You and your recovery are Number One. Don't get sidetracked by someone else's manipulations. No, she doesn't know you at all. She only knows how to manipulate and control others.

You could tell her very politely that she has children who need her time and attention, and you don't want to detract her from her sacred calling as a Mother-in-Zion. (Yikes! 9 Children is hard to imagine!)

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 08:42PM

You just blew my mind breeze but you have experienced a lot so i trust you. I have told her in the past that she has a family and i can find another way like a taxi which i have done once so far. But she is stubborn if i just show a little bit of vulnerability. But i do think you are right that she has no "in" with jesus. The more i heal away from the cult the more i realize this i can not get distracted i will heal the long and old fashioned way with the help of doctors and counselors and keep pushing forward and never look back to the cult.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 08:40PM

There is Dial-a-Prayer, where you can call to talk to someone who will pray with you while you're on the phone. That might be a better alternative to keeping the floozy on the back burner for a rainy day.

Any encouragement to her just sends the wrong or mixed message to her.

As for making the sign of the cross, I do that too sometimes in place of prayer. And I'm not now or ever was Catholic. It is comforting in a way.

Here's a prayer link you can send online to the magazine known as Guideposts. It says you can make a request (in writing,) so a trained volunteer will pray for you. It's free and available 24/7. It's non-denominational and not promoting any faith group.

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 12, 2017 08:44PM

I did a prayer on the phone with the 700 club it was very interesting and kind of comforting maybe i will do it again.

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Posted by: Survivalist ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 09:15AM

Badass, I've survived a lot of trauma and abuse, and it takes time to recognize and react to the more subtle abusers, but make no mistake - this beast of a woman is trampling all over you!

She has no respect for your boundaries. I have no idea if you've actually said NO to her, but she ignores the sign you hung up.

She's telling you that only "she" can explain you to yourself. Okay, WTF!? That's a control freak if ever I've heard one! In the same breath, she's telling you that you're too stupid to figure yourself out, and that she possesses some sort of magical mind reading powers to do so. I know you're not huge on philosophy, but one way of viewing the subject is that it's an ENTIRE field of study devoted to "figuring out oneself." And she claims to have ALL the secrets, desires and Complete.Book.Of.Badass, right there, in her mind, on tap. What utter bullshit.

And that makes her a Liar, with a capital "L."

NO ONE can "tell" another person "who" they are. It takes years to figure it out for ourselves. Telling someone else that you KNOW who he is, is about as narcissistic as it gets.

Here's how you can know it's abuse - does your therapist ever tell you that she "knows" who you are? Of course not. It's an impossible thing to know, and a very UNhealthy thing to believe or say to another person. "Who" we are is not carved in stone, and can change, grow and develop from minute to minute. Are you "the same" person you were six months ago? A year ago?

I'll tell you exactly what she sees, what she is going after. She sees a vulnerable person whom she believes she can manipulate, have power over, gain control of.

Non-family member abusers have to have a "hook" for their next victim. They use fake niceness, doing you favors, acting like you mean the world to them, "cares" about you. Don't fall for it. Someone who wants nothing from you won't try so hard. This freak is throwing up red warning flags all over the place, and I can promise you, she is effing with your head already.

Abusers rarely start off with the straight-up abuse, or they get thriwn into jail. They have to lure and reel their victims in. Survivors are exiting hard-core abuse, and that's exactly how they get "sucked in" by some syrupy-sweet bs from the "next" abuser, and a big reason why a survivor "seems" to go from one abuser to the next. They get sucked in by fake "kindness," and abusers absolutely know how to spot a vulnerable survivor - it's someone who puts up with their bullshit. The abuse that this woman is doing to you is nowhere near as "bad" as the abuse you've survived, so you're not seeing it as "abusive."

Mental and emotional abuse IS abuse.

I can prove how nasty this piece of work really is.


Imagine being one of her kids, who needs help with homework but doesn't even bother asking mom anymore, because mom's busy on her phone with the guy up the street. What about 4-6 loads of laundry every day, and matching socks up and getting them into the drawers for school the next day? You know what it takes to get food into the house and prepare it for ONE person, how is she getting it done for ELEVEN people, every day? Ball games, teacher meetings, doctor appointments? Let me guess - she homeschools, so there's no outside teacher to report neglect or abuse. The kids feed themselves junk food and don't wear socks except to church. Ear-aches get better without doctors, and sports are a waste of time.

Let's say she doesn't homeschool. Her kids are the quiet, smelly ones who sit in the back of the class. They don't complain, because they know what happens when they do. They are either the bullies or the bullied, but either way, if no one is bleeding, over-worked teachers are just happy when they show up and don't act out.

And where's my "proof?" It will be in this -

How many of her kids come with her when she tries to visit you, and how do these kids, if any, behave?

If they don't come with her, who is taking care of them? If they do come with her, do they act like "normal" human beings, wanting to participate in the conversation,or do they know to keep rheir mouths shut?

If you want to know "who" this woman is, look at her kids. Imagine being one of them, and ask yourself if that's the mother you would choose for yourself, or for your own children.

And if you correctly question how I or anyone else can "know" this woman, when I just got done preaching that we truly can never "know" another person, here's the difference -

Healthy people grow, change and have flexible boundaries and limits, depending on ever-changing situations, people we meet and life events. We learn and change, and no one can predict what is "right" for us at any given moment.

UNhealthy people with personality disorders VERY rarely change or learn healthy ways to interact with others, and because of this, are HIGHLY predictable. Google "personality disorders," and you will find descriptions of how this woman behaves, and how she is trying to reel you into her sphere of control.

I don't knoe if you yet fully appreciate what a rare and beautiful person you are, and it bugs the shit out of me that that vulture is all over you like a fresh kill.

This post is long enough, and you should get the picture, but please let us know if you have any questions.

Look her in the eye, tell her you're not her kid and wouldn't want to be one of them, and that you think it a good idea if social services have look to see if they're okay.

You'll never hear from her again.

Every time you worry if you're "being mean" to her, imagine what her kids are going through. I hope this board is around for them when they have to deal with the things that you are dealing with now.

When you were being abused, who knew? Who reported? Who got fooled by parental "public" behavior?

Open your eyes, and respond accordingly. Ask you therapist about it.

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 11:42AM

You know exactly what you are talking about. You are a true survivor. She does homeschool and i do feel bad for the kids. Its almost like im watching my younger selves under an aggressive and abusive father. The whole world would collapse if one of the kids tried to defect and get the hell away from the religion in her mind. I am recognizing all the red flags but you are right they are not as strong as they used to be, i dont feel i am in the clear of all abusive people quite yet and i maybe i dont think i am strong enough to battle them head on even though i have set boundaries they do not respect them they are a resilient bunch as you probably know. They never quit stomping. They never quit so i can just heal in peace and live the normal life that i never got to live.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 09:54AM

stay away from toxic persons.

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Posted by: valkyriequeen ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 10:24AM

It sounds to me like she has other agendas in mind besides getting you back in the cult. IMO, her behavior is close to stalking. She's like the obnoxious salesman that won't take no for an answer,even after reading the no soliciting sign! You're no obligated to answer her, either at the door or the phone. The posters here have given you good advice; take it and run with it!

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Posted by: csuprovograd ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 11:17AM

The title of this thread reminds me of a line in Semi-Tough...

"...In the immortal words of Gene Autry-'How come you know me so good, when I'm such a stranger to myself?'"

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 11:53AM

That is exactly right, and that thought goes through my head all the time.

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Posted by: Finally Free! ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 11:45AM

To me, it sounds like gaslighting, it's an attempt to get you to question yourself and overwrite your goals and values with theirs. They make you question yourself while ignoring who you are.

Someone who truly cares about you will listen to you, support you and your values and goals and not try make you feel incomplete.

You're not incomplete, I think BYU Boner summed things up nicely when he said, "Who, the fuck, does she think she is? Badass, YOU ARE A COMPLETE PERSON. You're also in recovery from trauma and healing from surgeries. You posses a great character trait--honesty."

We all feel vulnerable at times, you've been through a lot and it's understandable to feel "incomplete" or unsure at those times. That's when people like this woman sweep in, trying to get their claws in you.

As for blocking her number, I would very much suggest doing this. Almost every phone out there has a method for blocking a number from texting and calls. If you're using an iPhone, or Android phone I'm positive it does. Regardless, a quick search on the internet ("{phone name and model} block incoming number") should provide easy instructions on how to do it. You just don't need people like that in your life.

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 11:56AM

Maybe i will try to figure out how to block numbers, i will go to the cricket store and see if they know how to do it. I have an LG phone.

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