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Posted by: Righteous Houstonian ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 01:42PM

I'm a poster of a different name but felt that I would out my location if I were to post this in the voice I intended.

I thought about how JS would boast if he lived in Houston and did not have damage from the floods. I live in Houston and survived without any issues.

"Hear the voice of God's servent who has withstood the trials of this this great storm. Harken ye inhabitants of Houston, for I, even Joseph Smith, have overcome the afflictions of nature wrought upon this land for a purpose mightier that even what the Lord Omnipotent hath supposed. For is it not true that even the righteousness of the Saints cannot withhold the waters that have entered and defiled the House of The Lord this day? Cannot we suppose that the faithfulness of the Saints, strong though it is, as manifest in tithes and offerings, has not caused the waters to respect that Holiest of Place? I make mention of this and share the news that I, a single servent of the Most High, has weathered the elements and remain triumphant at its end because of my righteousness. Do you not suppose that if the Lord can flood his Temple and not flood my home that my righteousness surpasses that of 12 stakes of Zion? Yea, maybe even 1000 Stakes of Zion? For I know it. If Jesus Christ, the Great Creator, cannot see fit to spare his House, yet is not able submerge mine, how great a power is it that ye suppose I possess? I have said before that Jesus could not keep a church together such as I, and now I must tell you that he cannot maintain his House with as much righteousness as I. I say this not to boast, but to show you the power that God Almighty has entrusted unto me, to be his Stewart of tithing checks and almost 15 year-old young ladies. Even So....Amen."

JS post Harvey in a canoe in Buffalo Bayou

I hope I've channeled JS as well as possible.

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Posted by: StillAnon ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 01:52PM

I grew up in Houston. Joseph Smith couldn't have survived there. Not only would he have his ass kicked on a regular basis, they would've run him out of Texas on a rail.

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Posted by: Agnes Broomhead ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 02:08PM

Texas is famous for the death penalty. Many crimes there are considered capital crimes. Whatever he'd do, it's likely you'll later see TBMs holding candlelight vigils in Huntsville. The people and justice system in Missouri treated him royally compared to how Texas would treat him.

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Posted by: StiilAnon ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 02:22PM

Damn right! But, I don't think Smith would've made it to prison in Huntsville.The locals in Houston would've handled it themselves.

(PS- I rode a bull at the prison rodeo in 1976. I'm still sore).

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Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 03:26PM

It's very authentic-sounding Smith, though. Well done. Megalomaniacally hyperbole-laden Smith ;-)

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Posted by: cinda ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 03:51PM

Well done! One criticism is, it's 'steward', not 'stewart' :)

And there's always the Texas Rangers, whom I'm sure would have taken care of JS.

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Posted by: Righteous Houstonian ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 05:49PM

I have not even placed the rock remotely near the Hat.

Soft Machine -- Thanks. Sometimes when I try to play around with the scripture / self-righteous voice, I don't even think about what I'm trying to say. I imagine that I am steering a big truck without power steering with words. Inevitably I'm making a WIIIIIIIIDDEE turn. Such inefficiencies in speaking is part of the technique. Though... I can see where a hat and knowing an object is in it can only help for some reason.

Cinda.... I'm going to blame that "Stewart" business on the spell checker, lest I feel the need to dictate some apologetics thus proving that Stewart is somehow the true and living word for the concept here.

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: September 17, 2017 12:08AM

Yea.... making up "scripture" is totally doable. There was some guy that channeled Bro Joe years ago and gave some cameo as him at trek. The stake president was so smitten with the performance that this young late 20's something dude got a high counselor position. Theater. That sums up the Morg in a way.

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