My ex was investigating the church when I met him, but I didn't find that out right away. His best friend had joined and was pressuring him to join, too. By then I had fallen in love with him and started seeing the mishies because that's what he wanted. I got baptized a week after he did, mostly because I was afraid if I didn't, he would leave me for a Mormon.

I sincerely thought at the time that both of us belonging to the same church would give a good foundation to our marriage and I tried very hard for many years to be a good Mormon wife and mother. I taught Primary, Seminary, RS and Gospel Doctrine. But as I got older and wiser, I saw and heard and experienced things that made me realize the church wasn't what it was cracked up to be. And as I got more and more tired of trying to to force myself to be somebody I wasn't, I started thinking about getting out. I thought NOBODY felt the way I did.

We got the internet in 1997 and the rest is history. RfM only confirmed what I knew in my heart to be true...the church was hooey. Getting out took me a few years, and in the meantime my marriage was falling apart. It was more financial problems than the church that ended it, but the church certainly contributed.

I've officially resigned and all of my kids have left, too. My ex still believes, but doesn't go to church from what the kids tell me.

Debbie, what were some of the specific things that convinced you the church was not as you had once thought? Hope my convert daughter wises up like you did.

Some of the things that I didn't see as I was taking the lessons came out very clearly to me after joining. Early on I noticed in many members an arrogance that came from knowing they belonged to the "only true church." I got tired of hearing how wonderful Utah was, how only Mormons could truly be good, what a challenge it was living in "the mission field." I happen to love Pennsylvania, and I really, really got sick of people taking off for Utah so they could be where it was easy to be a member.

The temple was very weird, and of course you don't find this out until you go through and you don't go through until you get married, so that was a shocker. Also, I had no idea how much I would hate the garments. And I mean LOATHE. One time I was soooo angry at having to take off a much-loved blouse from pre-temple days, because the sleeves didn't quite cover the garments, that I ripped the blouse apart with my bare hands.

When I had three young girls who were very talented, smart and active in Scouts, I was very frustrated by the emphasis that was placed on marriage and motherhood over education and careers, from a very young age. Boy Scouts were revered, Girl Scouts were ignored. I'd always been a very independent person and the idea that the only way a woman could be happy in life was to get married early and have lots of babies was not something I wanted my daughters hearing all the time. And I say this as someone who very happily chose to be a stay-at-home mom. It was about CHOICE.

And these are just a few of the social things that bothered me. I never went to church until AFTER I was baptized (looking back, that was really weird), and I really came to resent all the time and money that was lost because of it. My ex owned a business that was open six days a week and I resented that we couldn't have Sundays for recreation. I would have been happy going to church and then doing something afterward, but of course, we couldn't spend money to do things like the movies or going out to eat. In the summer we couldn't go swimming. My kids couldn't go to birthday parties, etc. etc.

I hated the church when it stuck its nose into my sex life and we got the no-oral-sex letter in 1982. That was a biggie.

I'm not sure why the Joseph Smith story never turned me off from joining, because I was always a little "yeah right" about it, but as I said, I was in love and knew little enough about the whole rest of the history that I was willing to go along.

Over the years I found out more and more of the history and then of course the Internet gave me so much in the way of information that I realized I couldn't just ignore it any more.

I'm not sure this answers your question, and depending on your convert daughter's personality, she may stay happy in the church forever. The main thing in that situation is to NEVER let the church come between you. No matter how much you hate her choice, it was hers to make and if she even gets a whiff that you're attacking her beliefs, she'll dig her heels in even more. I know, because that's what I did when my dad tried to talk to me about how wrong the church was.

What can I say? I was 14 at the time I converted. Young and impressionable, didn't really fit in with any particular crowd, and easily persuaded. At the time, i felt it gave me a purpose in life. Once I figured out that it might be a fraud, I stayed in for years just for the social aspect, and the girls. Now that I've fully come to my senses, I've got a 16-year marriage to a TBM to salvage.

Why did I convert? With the benefit of hindsight and much thought about it over the years, I can forgive myself for being young, dumb. naive, and hormonal when I joined in the mid 60s. Looking back I can see I was looking for a better life and family situation. Oh well..