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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: October 12, 2017 06:18PM

And then i am leaving and try to live a real life. Why do i have to be obligated to be happy? Ok go.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: October 12, 2017 06:22PM

Check back in will you, to let us know how things are going?

You're under no obligation to be happy or well-rounded.

But it helps. Sometimes.

It's easier to crack a smile than to frown. It's easier to laugh than cry (though sometimes a good cry feels good.)

Just be yourself. And don't sweat the small stuff!

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: October 12, 2017 06:39PM

I am scared amyjo i am scared. Feel like i have been hiding my whole life just going through the motions. Not sure if i have ever been genuinely happy in life except as a kid maybe. Facing true reality is going to be difficult. All i have been trying to do was try to get out of pain and then go from there but that may not be enough to be in reality 24/7 and live a real life. I have been suppressed for so d@mn long i don't know anything else.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: October 12, 2017 07:39PM

You're facing reality right now.

You just need courage. Remember the Lion in Wizard of Oz?

He always had courage. He just had to find it for himself.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: October 12, 2017 07:03PM

I put a lot more value on peace. I want you to be able to find some peace. No need to put on a smile just to please everyone else. You need to be able to work through your pain and anger and don't let anyone tell you you aren't allowed to. I never could have made it through without working through the anger and grief. My therapist helped me a lot with this. He'd pull out that list of the stages of grief every time I'd say I wasn't making any progress and he'd remind me of the things I had done.

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: October 12, 2017 08:04PM

Badass, I’ve found happiness by becoming my authentic earthy self. I also find joy in helping others and making friends. You have a lot of earthiness and caring in you. My sincere hope is that you recognize your uniqueness and the wonderful man you are beneath the hurt.

Big hugs Adam! Check in when you can. The Badass’s Boner.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: October 12, 2017 08:23PM

...and the Boner's authentic earthly self is damn fine.
Knowing him makes me happy...does that count? :)

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: October 12, 2017 08:24PM

I think i am becoming more authentic i do feel normal as i a play cards with people for the last week.

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Posted by: Anon 2 ( )
Date: October 13, 2017 04:42PM

That's how you destress your self when you're depressed. Depression is sadness, exhaustion, pain and anxiety. You focus on something other then what's bothering you Things that work besides ok
Playing cards is Jack's, crossword puzzle, board games that you can focus on. Monopoly, Scrabble. And you ply until you feel your brain happy and the tension has gone away. Eat vit b's

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: October 13, 2017 05:29PM

I would posit that in a general sense, the condition of being aware ("I think, therefore I am") is not within the scope of entropy.

The human body runs down, and in the process the brain loses many of the capabilities that support 'being aware', but as long as the body functions at or near some degree of normalcy, 'being aware' remains a constant. Predictions can even be made about how people will act, given certain stimuli.

Some of us may become monomaniacal about certain topics and become huge nags, but entropic mandates aren't behind these lapses in healthy thinking.

There is no debt that one human owes another that requires hiding "negative" emotions. The Reasonable Man will at times be unhappy, morose, sad, etc., and any other Reasonable Man, similarly situated, will comprehend.

And that's without having to deal with who can issue moral obligations! It sure isn't mother nature, much less the imperatives we can recognize within the concept of survival of the fittest.


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Posted by: Finally Free! ( )
Date: October 13, 2017 05:36PM

Well stated.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: October 13, 2017 05:45PM

hahahaha! Nobody bullshits better than a BYU Advertising & Public Relations major!!!

The happenstance that I sometimes get it right is entirely beside the point.

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Posted by: rubi123 ( )
Date: October 13, 2017 05:32PM

Cognitive distortions make people unhappy.

Learn to recognize these distortions and replace them with rational thoughts.

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Posted by: allegro ( )
Date: October 13, 2017 05:38PM

Wenglund, you are using joy and happiness interchangeably which is incorrect. Happiness is external relies on external forces. You can't be happy when you are not. There are cues that are picked up by others anyway when one is not happy and putting on a smile. It is not a moral obligation to be happy. Joy on the other hand is more internal and has a spiritual nature. I can go through hell and back and not be happy nor pretend to be-that would just be weird.
But I can have internal joy in that I am at peace with myself and my belief in God. Everything around me may be chaotic, but I am centered and able to handle what comes my way.
So is happiness a moral obligation-no. Is joy a moral obligation-no. We have choices on how to live. Being continually miserable can be a choice but there are consequences such as no friends. Pretending to be happy leads to people knowing you are not authentic. If I am not happy, that is my emotion at the time because something happened and that is ok. But deep down, I have a peace that has nothing to do with outside influence,and that is joy.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: October 13, 2017 07:25PM

I don't think that being happy is an obligation. But I think whenever possible that it is a good habit to cultivate. People need not be grinning fools while experiencing a loved one's death or a disaster. But finding happiness in everyday life is a great life skill.

I was often happy as a relatively impecunious, carefree 20-something. I remember making things happen on a very slim budget. I was also oddly happy while recovering from a serious injury. I adjusted to the slow pace of my life and learned to love it. Things don't need to be perfect or even close to be happy much of the time.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: October 13, 2017 07:30PM

Remember, he's saying that BEHAVING happy (not being happy, since we don't always have control over that) is the moral obligation under which we must all labor.

"Behaving" can be substituted out for "acting", i.e., "Acting" happy is a moral obligation.

It's stupid talk.

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Posted by: baura ( )
Date: October 13, 2017 08:38PM

In Mormonism we are constantly taught that living the Gospel
brings happiness. So if you're not happy, then clearly you are

I think this has a lot to so with surveys of self-reported
happiness levels that rate Utah as the happiest state, while also
being the state with the highest per-capita use of anti-depressants.

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Posted by: imaworkinonit ( )
Date: October 17, 2017 12:23PM

The idea that we are obligated to be happy all the time is a problem. It's unrealistic and it assumes that some emotions are objectively unacceptable. Some people simply are wired to be happier than others. So why do we need to put pressure on those who aren't feeling the joy? Also, difficult circumstances make it harder to be happy (physical illness, mental illness and depression, financial strain, stress, abuse).

There are behaviors that can increase happiness, and if someone wants to nurture those behaviors, that seems like a good idea. I have several books on that topic, and I think it's worthwhile to try.

Certainly almost everyone would prefer to feel happy, but if you think you must be doing life wrong if you aren't feeling happy, that will magnify your unhappiness.

The thing about the Mormon church and it's emphasis on happiness, is that it pushes the idea of happiness, and then offered solutions to unhappiness that DON'T WORK. Cultivating behaviors that ACTUALLY nurture YOU would be key.

My advice is for a person seeking happiness to stop focusing on happiness. Instead, notice what activities bring YOU peace, and let you forget about yourself. Maybe activities that make you part of something bigger. And activities that nurture your physical well-being (because the brain is part of the body, and it will be healthier and happier if the body is)

Get enough rest
spend time with people who bring out the best in you
Hike in the woods or spend time outdoors in a setting you love
Make art
Serve others, especially in a group setting
Make music or other creative activity
Meditate or do yoga
Gratitude journal
Take time for yourself

The key is to figure out what YOU love.

And eliminate what's destructive to your happiness:
Stop interacting with toxic or abusive people
Eliminate unnecessary stress
Notice attitudes and environments that are hurting you, and seek to replace them with better ones.

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Posted by: matt ( )
Date: October 17, 2017 03:20PM

If you chance to meet a frown,
Do not let it stay.
Quickly turn it upside down
And from Mormonism swiftly run away!

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: October 17, 2017 03:53PM

(Monty python holy grail) RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY.

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Posted by: cinda ( )
Date: October 17, 2017 03:52PM

Thanks, angela, for your sensible comments. According to Mr. englund, I must be a very immoral person. Certainly, I am able to be a socially pleasant, and agreeable person, all while feeling very unhappy, each and every day. My deep-seated unhappiness is due to the fact that I am wheelchair-bound for left-sided paralysis, due to a stroke. Try as I may, I am unable to feel real happiness or joy. Sure, I try not to focus on my limitations, but to no avail as far as feeling true happiness is concerned. To whom am I obligated to be happy??

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/17/2017 03:53PM by cinda.

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: October 17, 2017 03:58PM

I can't seem to feel or find real happiness either. I keep thinking getting out of pain totally is the answer but maybe it isn't. In the church i feel my soul was taken from constant mental abuse and constant programming of a fantasy that simply does not exist. So for many of us we don't know what the hell happiness really is. Define this for me please.

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Posted by: imaworkinonit ( )
Date: October 17, 2017 11:41PM

You might be interested in this book "Feeling Good"

I haven't read every bit of it, but it's basically do-it-yourself cognitive behavioral therapy. (And it includes a quiz to determine if you need to see a therapist instead of going it alone). The crux of it is to challenge negative thoughts and distorted thinking that leads to bad feelings.

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