Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: Libra7 ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 02:20PM

After years of feeling depressed, suicidal, and stuck in a rut, I finally realized what I need to do: move out of Utah.

I feel like I’m drowning in negativity from family drama, Utah Mormon culture in general, and the utter boringness of my life. My jobs are stagnant. College isn’t going well. The weather is awful to me and makes it hard to function from like November-April.

I’ve decided that I’m just done. It’s time for me to get out of here and start a new life away from Mormonism and family. I don’t need this nonstop negativity in my life.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 02:25PM

Do you have any idea where you'd like to relocate?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: summer ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 03:02PM

Sometimes it's good to get away. I'm an east-coaster, but I lived in Colorado for eight years and it was good for me. You might find a place that you really like that is not too far away. Maybe Arizona, or the PNW? A fresh start can be rejuvenating.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 03:46PM

I seriously don't think I could keep my spirits up if I lived in Utah. Whenever I return there, I can't tell you what a relief it is to cross the boarder and leave. I cheer when I enter Nevada and feel elated all the way back to my home in California.

Utah would be a downer for me as it seems to be for you.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 03:47PM

Best thing I ever did was move out of Utah.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Aquarius123 ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 04:38PM

Good move, libra! The sooner the better.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Sympathizer ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 04:56PM

A move would be good if you have a TBM family who downs you as an apostate. There are so many good choices too. I suggest you decide what climate you'd prefer, what college choices are available, and what the local job prospects are if you need to work part-time while attending school.

Just keep in mind that changing States can be lonely at first when you don't know anyone. Try and plan well ahead before you move. The planning alone will cheer you up!

The Best To You!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: oregon ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 05:04PM

Come to Oregon. Lot's of job opportunities, but rent and housing is high, but people are nice and we have a hipster attitude. Entrepreneur friendly indeed.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 08:57PM

I knew i wasn't the only one struggling during these months every year. I am probably going to move back to arizona next year. My friends say the workload is great down there now. I am so miserable up here no matter what i try during these months so for my health i got to go to arizona. I never had so many problems until i moved to idaho as far as health goes. Lets both get the hell out of this northern country.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: unbelievable2 ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 10:03PM

The tri-state area on the East Coast is very expensive so I would do some research first before you make your move. Good luck.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: scmd ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 10:16PM

Congratulations on coming to your realization while there is still plenty of time to make the change.

I have no idea what location would be good for you, and there are other important factors to consider as well, but from your description of how Utah's fall/winter/early spring weather bothers you, you might be wise to consider a location that typically gets a large number of days of sunlight annually.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Very Afraid ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 02:42AM

It might not be Utah, exactly. Utah is has more sunshine year-round than most states, and a great outdoor life. Are you at BYU, in Provo?

I felt the way you do at BYU in Provo. The mandatory Freshman classes were boring, overcrowded, and uninspiring--especially the nonsensical religion classes. They graded on attendance, so I would go sit in the back and write letters. The girls in the dorms were depressed, and half of them were bulimic. My assigned roommate stole my money, jewelry, and clothes. Three of my California friends left after the first semester. I was one of the girls that always had two or three dates to everything, and I met some of the "best" boys there, but I just didn't click with any of them. (I thought I was too picky, but later I realized it was because their religion didn't respect women, and they were racist and arrogant.) Looking back, I should have left BYU after that first year, and never returned to graduate, no matter how many credits they took away from me for transferring.

I transferred to the University of Utah for the last two years of college, and those were some of the best years of my life! I got straight A's, was active in student government, enjoyed the skiing, skating, hiking and dancing, and the parties.

I was still in Utah, but the difference between Provo and Salt Lake City was like night and day! The difference between cult-tominated BYU and the fanatical students and the U of U and the variety of people there, the teachers, the classes--was like leaving high school and entering a REAL university. I met real people. I fell in love with a wonderful Atheist, whom I had known in California. I went on to get a Masters degree.

If you can't leave Utah, try Salt Lake City and the U of U, Community college, or Westminster.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 10:03AM

I was born in SLC, and lived there until I was 6. Then we moved to CA.

In the early 90's, I was working doing research/writing software from home for several clients, none of which cared about where I lived. So I decided to try to cut cost of living, and moved to Provo (where my TBM brother lived, and lots of family was close by). I had been an ex-mo for about 10 years by then.

Big, big, big mistake. I spent the first 3 months fending off daily "welcome to the area, want to come to church?" volleys. Then when all of these "welcoming new neighbors" found out I was an apostate RM, the welcoming turned to outright hostility. For example, my brother asked me to come play on their ward softball team -- not to "activate" me, but just because he knew I loved baseball, and was pretty good at it (and their ward could have used a good infielder and hitter). That lasted two games, because all the other "kind priesthood holders" on the team gave both me and my brother hell for having an apostate on the team. After the second game, one of the guys on the team told me I either had to start coming to church, and submit myself to a plan from the bishop to regain my membership, or stop playing. I told him to f*ck off, and stopped playing.

I left after one year. Mormonism and its cult nonsense pervades the place. It's constant, suffocating, and unescapable. I know there are some here who manage it, but I couldn't stand it. I high-tailed it back to CA and never left.

So...yes. Get out. You'll find a whole world of real people out there who aren't indoctrinated into a cult. It'll change your life.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 10:38PM

Just interchange Utah County with BYU in this video, which is not much of a stretch AT ALL, for the sake of the point being made.
The administration of BYU and THE (MORmON) church for that matter is just one great big "good cop, bad cop" act.

Dealing with MORmONS as they have slipped into the bad cop/ MORmON enforcement agent role is an EXCEPTIONALLY UNPLEASANT experience, especially with MORmONS that relish playing that role, like the person that Bengt Washburn is talking about in the video.

I tried to attend BYU after I came home from *my* mission / THEIR!!!! mission for me. It was a HUGE mistake on my part. I am going to take some of the blame for that. After having attended (ABYSMAL) Ricks College - the Idaho version of BYU for a year before my mission, it was pure IDIOCY on my part to follow up by going to BYU. I managed to get a job working for a machine shop in Provo. That machine shop somehow managed to make arrangements to use a BYU owned injection molding machine that was located on BYU campus to make some plastic parts for a contract that the machine shop had. My job was to oversee the running of the molding machine. That meant: FIRST, visually observing/ inspecting the parts that were coming out to make certain that the machine was producing good parts while it was operating. SECOND, Make sure that the machine stayed stocked with polymer resin raw material so it could keep producing parts while oprating. THIRD, snip the feed stringers off of the parts.

In my experience being on a mission was an exhausting experience. IN my experience being at BYU was an exhausting experience. In my case, I had been run into the ground before *my* mission in the interest of earning money to pay for that mission. I became ill toward the end of my mission. The end result of those factors was that I was fairly well exhausted by the time I was running that injection molding machine on BYU campus.

As the machine was operating according to plan, I was allowed to sit down to do my job and in accordance with that allowance and arrangement, a folding chair had been provided for the machine operator to be able to sit down. At various times, the machine operator might sit in that chair doing nothing but watching the machine operate for several minutes at a time. It was a tiny chance for me to rest ever so slightly amid my hectic and overwhelming (IMPOSSIBLE) schedule that I was immensely grateful while immersed in the gut wrenching scramble of trying to survive as a BYU student in Utah County.

Some full time BYU faculty member who was basically head gopher /assistant for the real professors/administrators in the Engineering dept saw me sitting in the chair doing nothing. AS IF he was paying my wages (and he was NOT), he became very upset over the matter and took it upon himself to verbally berated me for being lazy. He informed me that any kind of decent person would be "anxiously engaged" in doing something productive in every available second. That busy body absolute A$$ hole took up the issue with my employer who Was paying me.
My employer explained my job to the guy who still objected to the situation on the grounds that I was setting a bad example of laziness to other student employees even though I was NOT a BYU student employee. My employer asked the guy what he thought I should be doing to keep busy every single second. At first the guy suggested that it was my employers problem to figure that out, and faulted my employer for not having me busy every second. When Capt A$$ hole realized that approach was not going to do anything to make my life more miserable, he suggested that I have a mop and a broom so I could do janitorial type stuff in the area in order to keep me busy every second. It did not matter if the floor was already clean. Sweep and/or mop it anyway. If there was nothing else to do, then sweep and mop again! The important thing was that I should be doing something every second help keep my laziness in check. Of course, it would not be fair to expect my employer to purchase the mop and broom that would be used to benefit BYU .....which meant that I should have to pay for them myself, because hardship is good for the student, so the more hardship then the better, and imposing hardships on students becomes a virtue for the self appointed MORmON guardians of virtue and right.

recalling that instance brings several absolutely infuriating predatory and abusive MORmON conventions to mind.

After my experiences with those kinds of MORmONS, I do NOT have to wonder at all why the people in Missouri ended up kicking MORmON asses clear out of the state.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Mother Who Knows ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 06:06AM

My Year In Hell was as a new temple wife, of an RM, putting my horrible wife-beater husband through BYU. He beat me almost every day, for no reason, but made me feel I was to blame. I worked to support him, and tried everything I could to make the marriage work, until I had to flee to save my life.

When we arrived in Provo, I interviewed at BYU for a miserable basement cubicle job for minimum wage, which was the only job I could qualify for, with my useless BYU Bachelors degree--right? The interviewer asked if I was planning on getting pregnant anytime soon, and I answered that no, I wasn't. (I would never have brought a child into my hell of a marriage.) The next question was a deal breaker: he asked me what kind of birth control I was using. I told him that the question was inappropriate, and probably illegal. He said BYU was a private university, and they could do anything they wanted with their employees. I said that I didn't want to work there, and walked out. I started a business of my own, and made four times the wage, working less hours. Our Mormon neighbors could hear my screams, and hear my body being thrown against the walls and onto the floor, but no one ever called the police. Eons later, I still can't go to Provo without feeling physically sick.

So, it's hard to be completely un-biased, but my advice would be to get out of Utah County, before you lose all hope.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Tevai ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 06:43AM

Mother Who Knows Wrote:

> Our Mormon
> neighbors could hear my screams, and hear my body
> being thrown against the walls and onto the floor,
> but no one ever called the police.

I've been there, Mother Who Knows, and I empathize all the way down to the center of my molecules.

I am very glad you are not "there" anymore.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Honest TBM ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 06:44AM

The benefits of staying in Utah are tremendous. You get to surround yourself with the most logically sound people in the world just like me. If I was in your neighborhood we could hang out. What do you like to do for fun? My top hobbies are Chapel Cleaning and Anti-Gay Call Center Volunteering. Heavenly Father is so wise to save money on janitors so we can scrub toilets for The Lord. And really screwing over the gays is such a wondrous doctrine of ours that shows our Christian true colors. Well it's not so much of what I like because that really doesn't matter. It's what the Brethren want that matters so I just obey and remember that this life is for suffering and that the real joy happens in the hereafter when I get to spend all eternity answering trillions of messages in my spam mailbox every minute from the spirit kiddies demanding that their prayers be answered now.

If you leave Utah you will not be surrounded by nearly as many like minded people. And then you might discover there are a lot of people out there who have other pursuits in life such as freedom and liberty rather than the peculiar one track we have of where we just obey the whims of the Lord's holy middlemen who have dominion over our lives. I advise that you forget about all that freedom crap and just stay on the loving obedience to middlemen path.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 07:46AM

Where'd Libra7 go to? Was he/she a drive-by poster, or?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 09:09AM

Amyjo Wrote:
> Where'd Libra7 go to?

She/he high-tailed it out of Utah, I suppose...?

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In

Screen Name: 
Your Email (optional): 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
 **     **  **     **  **     **   *******   **     ** 
 **     **  **     **  **     **  **     **  **     ** 
 **     **  **     **  **     **  **         **     ** 
 **     **  *********  **     **  ********   **     ** 
 **     **  **     **   **   **   **     **  **     ** 
 **     **  **     **    ** **    **     **  **     ** 
  *******   **     **     ***      *******    *******