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Posted by: Eric K ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 10:30PM

Here is an excerpt from that article:

'Brigham Young once explained that Earth was created near God and Kolob, but that it also physically fell out of God’s presence when mankind did:

“When the earth was framed and brought into existence and man was placed upon it, it was near the throne of our Father in Heaven. And when man fell . . . the earth fell into space, and took up its abode in this planetary system, and the sun became our light . . .'

The article further states:

'Even if none of the physical ideas about Kolob are interesting or logical to you, the analogy it teaches about the Savior and our own place in the universe is profound...'

Amazing. Earth was near Kolob and then moved. Yes, earth traveled through space and time to arrive in this solar system with its life support system and life intact. Makes perfect sense. Jeez.

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Posted by: Anonymous Muser ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 10:55PM

We had a TBM here a few months ago who admitted that he believed this very thing.,1993089,1996578#msg-1996578

He was of course slapped down.

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 02:48PM

Jesus christ never heard that before. Yea makes sense to people in the 1800s with no education for sure as well as people living on the moon. We still have to baptize those moon people, fuck they baptize the dead why not the imaginary?

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Posted by: StillAnon ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 10:31PM

"That’s what I look forward to thinking about the next time I sing the beloved words of “If You Could Hie to Kolob.” Because, hopefully, one day we all will."

So. They first explain that Kolob is the "greatest of all stars". And we know that stars are giant flaming balls. Hie-ing to Kolob would result in being consumed by fire. Isn't that the description of hell?

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Posted by: Chicken N. Backpacks ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 11:43PM

Slightly OT, but I couldn't resist this other 'LDS Living' article that makes something out of nothing...but...but...what about the "...beautiful, significant, even brilliant literary sophistication of Book of Mormon writers."

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 01:58AM

“The Book of Mormon is literarily beautiful, doctrinally truthful, and everlastingly applicable.”

“And it came to pass...” is literarily the most intelligent, poignant, compelling, truthful, powerful, masterful, meaningful, everlastingly poetic scripture ever written on golden plates.


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Posted by: edzachery ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 08:42AM

Well said, Boner. You da man.

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 01:49AM

Astronomers demand a Kolobectemy

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Posted by: Tevai ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 07:17AM

BYU Boner Wrote:
> Astronomers demand a Kolobectemy

:D :D :D

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Posted by: Aquarius123 ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 03:43AM

I think that article is some of the stupidest made up shit ever.

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Posted by: The Riddler ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 08:17PM

Have you ever read the Book of Mormon or the Book of Abraham?
Talk about S-T-U-P-I-D!

Even the Reorganized Church rejected the BoA!

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Posted by: anybody ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 07:14AM

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Posted by: Jersey Girl ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 07:56AM

I thought "we don't teach that anymore". Kolub shines on, like an idiot mooning you out the window.

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Posted by: GregS ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 08:17AM

By the Lords of Kolob...uh, Kobol.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 09:05AM

These apologist guys should really learn how to write...

"From this scripture, we learn that Kolob is a huge star, which God has designated as the one to govern even the other “governing creations” (see Abraham Facsimile 2:2). But what does that mean?

Abraham 3:16 explains further that there is always one star greater than another, but that Kolob is the greatest. Not because it is the biggest or the brightest, but because it is the one that is closest to God."

So first he says we learn it's a huge star (even though the scripture he quotes doesn't say huge or big or anything of the sort). Then he says it's the greatest not because it's the biggest or the brightest...

Hey, genius, you just said "great" meant huge, then you said "great" didn't mean big.

Learn English. And some simple science.

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 10:00PM

^^^ I must embrace Kolob over a beer!

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 10:14AM

"Mormon Theologians agree that God lives on a distant planet, the planet KOLOB. It's located in the constellation Cancer, sector 2813. Kolob means "the first creation" -- which is "nearest to the celestial, or the residence of God", (Abraham 3:2 – 3, 9) as McConkie assures us. It is called the Celestial Kingdom.

In 2008 BYU astronomers claim that the Hubble space telescope snapped the first actual picture of an exoplanet, a pinpoint of life found within the debris disc of a star called Formalhaut about 25 light years from here. Now a different team of scientists spying on the presumed planet dubbed Kakistocra-99b2, with the Spitzer space telescope suggests that the dot in the original image isn't the planet that all. Though the team isn't sure what the dot is, the point of light doesn't appear to radiate at the infrared wavelengths where exoplanets should shine, a team lead by Michael D. Rhodes of BYU and Marcus Jansen Princeton University report online at the website This is not the first time that KOLOB has stumped astronomers' ground-based infrared telescopes. They haven't been able to see its signature spectrum and it's tracing an unexpected path around its star. Theories proposed to explain the imaged planet KOLOB range from a background to light scattered by a dust cloud.

Constellation Cancer. KOLOB, or OJ287 shines an overwhelming beacon of light onto Earth. This is associated with the path to and from the Celestial Kingdom. KOLOB os sometimes spelled Q'LOB, short for Quasar-stellar LDS Object or Quasi-stellar LDS Object.

See derivation of spellings of Koran, Quran, Quoran or Qur'an. As an aside: In 1961, a model of color television set, the QUASAR, was named in honor of this Celestial Kingdom on KOLOB, (QLOB) by the inventor of modern electronic TVs. He was Philo Farnsworth Born in Beaver Creek, Utah, U.S.A., on August 19th 1906.

"Our scriptures say that God told Moses only about this planet," said LDS apostle Neal A. Maxwell in a recent television interview. "But we're not worshiping a one-planet God." (Salt Lake Tribune Aug 1996 Vol. 252 No. 118)."

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 10:25AM

Whuz the difference between Brigham Young and Mother Goose?

Mother Goose made sense.

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 10:01PM

Even though Brigham goosed a lot of mothers.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 10:25AM

Did Joseph come back from the dead just to add more crap to his legacy? Father Abraham? Urim and thummim again? So ridiculous and obviously made up it has Joe's name all over it. Geez. The Mormons just can't help themselves. I must mention this on my next family visit. Usually no one takes the bait, but it's worth a try. No?

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 10:38AM

I really really really wish the national news would pick this story up. Nothing like shining a light on the crazy.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 10:58AM

Okay. Me again.

Just read this to a co-worker. His response: "Haha ha. Mormons are just one alien away from Scientology!"

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 11:25AM

Can't prove that there Isn't a Kolob.

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Posted by: Howdy Doody ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 10:06PM

GNPE Wrote:
> Can't prove that there Isn't a Kolob.

The burden of proof is on the one who makes the claim. Let's see scientific evidence of Kolob's existence. Oh wait, there isn't any...

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Posted by: kentish ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 11:50AM

Is there any evidence that Joseph Smith ever gave a "sermon" using the BOM? Are there even references to its content in anything he said?

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 12:20PM

Their next article will be titled "4 Reasons Why Living on Life Support Really isn't so Terrible."

1) President Monson does it.
2) Simplifies praying to God
3) Makes it easier for HT-VT visits
4) Unifies the family

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Posted by: flutterbypurple ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 01:33PM

So I am confused point two in the article states
“If you could hie to Kolob in the twinkling of an eye . . .” We’ve all sung it in a sacrament meeting at some point, but have you ever stopped to think about what you’re singing? “Hie” is no longer a commonly used word, but it means “to go quickly.” And, in part, because time works differently on Kolob than it does on Earth, it is possible that we will one day travel across the vastness of space “in the twinkling of an eye.”
Then we also have this jewel.
Joseph Fielding Smith stated "We will never get man into space. This Earth is man's sphere and it was never intended that he should get away from it. The moon is a superior planet then the earth it was never intended that man should go there. You can write it down in your books that this will never happen.

So we know he was wrong (Unless you believe it was faked). But how could he be right in the first place when his own scriptures say we will go into space one day to get to Kolob. The mental gymnastics is especially twisty on this point.
Good thing none of it is real.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 01:46PM

So how did a rocket manufacturer end up in Utah in the first place?

It sure sounds like the church leaders were upset that another fraud (if you believe space travel is fake) was setting up shop to disrupt the Great Oz.

Would the leaders have spoken so foolishly if Morton Thiokol had offered to send up the Q15 to Kolob in 1959?

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 02:11PM

In Norwegian, "Hei" means hello; an informal greeting.

btw, I knew U'd want-need to know that

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/28/2017 02:11PM by GNPE.

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Posted by: ptbarnum ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 02:41PM

Don't worry, everyone. Commander Adama sent Starbuck and Apollo to find Kolob...cough...Kobol...cough Kolobol...Whatever.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 07:56PM

So basically Heavenly Father is an absentee landlord. You mail the checks but you never see him. Not even in an emergency.

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Posted by: mikemitchell ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 08:05PM

Kolob in Abraham 3 gave me my first experience of cognitive dissonance. Why would an eternal God's throne be near a star that had a beginning and would die?

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Posted by: Boballooie0691 ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 08:53PM

The planet Enish-go-on-dosh “borrows its light from Kolob through the medium of Kae-e-vanrash, which is the . . . governing power. . .” It also later says that two other stars, Kli-flos-is-es and Hah-ko-kau-beam, also receive “light from the revolutions of Kolob.”
Let's just make up a bunch shit and call it scripture. Wait, what?

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Posted by: MeM ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 11:52PM

J.Smith made up a bunch of strange names! Too bad that the Kolob Canyons section of Zion National Park inherited one of those names, but at least the feeling in Kolob Canyons is a bit like next to heaven.
Sure glad though that some of these other silly names didn't get stuck on Utah places. Plenty of made up Book of Mormon names around UT however.

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Posted by: Shummy ( )
Date: November 28, 2017 09:00PM

Commander Adama spoke scripturespeak that was intended to be read backwards as "bollocks".

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Posted by: Kirtland Financier ( )
Date: November 29, 2017 12:50AM

The sentence at the bottom of the article best sums up the intellectual honesty of the content: "Comments and feedback can be sent to"

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Posted by: Loganite ( )
Date: November 29, 2017 01:25AM

"Kakistocra-99b2". Really? I've done a quick search on this and keep coming back to a single source. No one seems to have seen the host: a kakistocracy is a bad government, a government run by incompetent fools. The number 99 is the letter c in ascii. I expected b2 to translate into a y in ascii or Unicode but appears not to be the case. Someone was having some fun with words.

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: November 29, 2017 01:34AM

Makes sense to mock this idiocy, doesn't it? Is this thread bigoted?

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