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Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
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Posted by: gatocurioso ( )
Date: December 01, 2017 03:51PM

Long time lurker. First time poster. I enjoy reading a lot of stuff here and I have to say I hope many of the posters I like to follow never recover because I'm afraid they'll go away.

Then it occurred to me that most of the enjoyable posters probably are recovered and they stick around anyway.

Do you consider yourself recovered? What does recovery from mormonism mean to you? How would you know if you were recovered?

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Posted by: Phazer ( )
Date: December 01, 2017 04:24PM

You probably don't get triggered as much from Mormon news or family because you understand them better.

I lurk quite a bit too. See what silly things are going in UT or dumb policy that is floating around. Or virtue signaling from the church about youth programs and selling the church PR wherever they can.

Or what new building complex is being funded in the states.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: December 01, 2017 04:29PM

I think recovery never ends.
I was raised in a freaking cult...and gave it two years of my life. It still has its grubby paws on family/friends I care about. So while I may be "recovered" in that I'm over any association with it, until everyone is out, I'll never be fully "recovered."

The cult still harms people. Until it doesn't, I remain "in recovery." :)

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Posted by: Mother Who Knows ( )
Date: December 02, 2017 03:31AM

I'm here for the same reason as Hie.

Also, as long as the Mormon cult does harm to my loved ones, I will keep on trying to help them--and everybody else--see the Truth, and break free.

I would like to see the cult GO DOWN in infamy! Someday, the lies and money-grabbing will trip them up. Mormonism will fail as a religion, but as a giant Real Estate holding, mall and recreation business, beef and sugar industry giant, LDS, Inc. will continue to thrive as a business. Even if they lose their tithe-payers, and even if they lose their tax-exempt status, the Corporation will go on. The good news is that we will be able to choose not to do business with the Mormons. The cult will no longer have its evil hold of spiritual blackmail and scary threats and brainwashing over innocent people.

I hope for that, for my family, at the very least.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: December 01, 2017 04:41PM

Perhaps ideal recovery means you use your past instead of your past using you?

That's the goal and mostly I'm scoring well, but every once in a while the past wins by a touchdown in the last few seconds of the of the fourth quarter. Luckily, there are hot dogs and beer for when that happens. Well, actually for me it's wine and hors d'ouvres, but that sounds odd with a baseball analogy. ;)

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: December 01, 2017 04:41PM

Done & Done Wrote:
> Perhaps ideal recovery means you use your past
> instead of your past using you?

Wow, that was great. :)

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: December 01, 2017 05:55PM

I hang around to learn....and I've learned plenty in my years here. I recovered 47 years ago when I quit attending.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2017 05:55PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: December 01, 2017 06:08PM

I was out of the cult over ten years before stumbling across RfM, and other ex-Mormon sites.

Was busy raising a family and working two jobs for many of those years, so didn't really have a whole lotta time to spend surfing the Internet until the past several years or so.

I thought I was recovered until a former bishop and his wife harbored my daughter in secret from me in 2012; while she changed her name and plotted her disappearance from the United States.

The bishop and his wife were co-conspirators with her. It was payback from them for my resigning in around 2005 with that same daughter because of some crazy sh*t the bishop's wife and the YW leaders were pulling behind my back while my daughter was still in high school.

I can never forgive them for coming between my daughter and me.

That was a very huge trigger for me that the church is totally dysfunctional and actively separates and divides families when it suits their interests. That's plain evil on its face.

So now after finding RfM, I want to be here to help others learn the sordid truth about the deceitfulness of the lying shitheels pretending to be godly, in their smug self-righteousness and outright hypocrisy.

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Posted by: Shummy ( )
Date: December 01, 2017 06:19PM

I do

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: December 01, 2017 07:00PM

I am recovered from my past abuse within Mormonism. However, hurt still shows up when I can’t go to a wedding, or I meet someone else who is hurting. I care for all my friends here regardless of their “worthiness.” And, I’m proud to be a wanker! The Boner.

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: December 02, 2017 12:02AM

And a first rate wanker ya are!

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: December 02, 2017 12:08AM

Damn straight, Bro!

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Posted by: catnip ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 01:10AM

It's the community here that I enjoy!

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 01:12AM

I need the help to burst out of my shell...

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Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 03:46PM

elderolddog Wrote:
> I need the help to burst out of my shell...

Oh yeah, right.

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Posted by: scmd ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 01:26AM

Every time I think I'm fully recovered, I find myself involuntarily thinking or responding as a Mormon would over some issue. Depending upon the proportion of your life that you spend as an active Mormon, it would take a long time to rid oneself of all mLDS mindset.

I was in for 21 of 33.5 years, and marginally in for a year or so afterward. That works out to my having been LDS for nearly two-thirds of my life. The fact that my time out was in adulthood isn't as helpful as one might think, as we're most impressionable in our youngest years.

Whether I consider myself in recovery or not, I'm not going to label myself a victim. I personally don't find assuming a victim persona to be helpful to me. There was a time when I probably could have been considered a victim, but now it's more empowering for me to take a more active role in my own recovery. It's also OK to ask for help when needed. I've seen a therapist in relation to Mormon issues.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 04:54PM

You were in for less time than I was, all total.

More than half of my present lifetime was spent as a TBM. That's after subtracting the three times I left before actually resigning. Once as a teenager. Again in my early 30's. Returned for a brief stint of 2-3 years in my early 40's. When the light finally went on that last time around, I was able to see with clarity what the church was about. Then it was glaringly apparent it was a cult.

Why hadn't I noticed that before? Maybe because the brainwashing was so entrenched. There was a time the cult was *the* standard I held all other churches to, because it was the only *truth.*

What a load of BS.

We were taught in Sunday School and Primary to seek after what's "true and righteous," etc, etc. "Ask, and ye shall receive" was the #1 scripture I remember learning as a child that Joseph had questioned what to believe when he made up the first vision story.

Joseph had no qualms about turning the bible upside down to embellish and make up his pseudo religion.

If he'd been seeking after truth instead of a power grab, and his lust for money and women, he could have been a good preacher guy, instead of a con artist.

Anyone who sincerely seeks after truth will come to find out for themselves the COJCOLDS is a farce and a cult.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2017 05:00PM by Amyjo.

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Posted by: gatorman ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 08:56AM

Recovered? More likely RESCUED. I found this site by accident and it helped me walk away two years ago. Currently live in a gated mountain community far from anything and especially missionaries. The only contact I have is a monthly email from the HP leader asking for my home teaching results. I do not respond. Eventually the showdown will come and I am now quite prepared thanks to my man the Boner, HIE, Ron, EdZachery, Amyjo, Kathleen, MotherWhoKnows, Tom in Paris, SteveBenson, Saucie, Shapeshifter and a host of others that I currently can’t those of you not mentioned please forgive me.....visiting with my daughter this morning at Sheppard Spine Center in Atlanta...

Family struggles continue

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2017 08:57AM by gatorman.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 09:57AM

Some board members move on permanently, some swing by every now and then to say hello, some come back periodically when they are triggered (i.e. General Conference, family events,) and some stick around for the camaraderie and to help others.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 01:52PM

If so, it's a lifelong pursuit. I doubt that anyone, mormon or not, fully gives up all results of early training nor should they seek that goal.

Not feeling angry or obsessing about it is a credible aim, but I think it's always good to try to help others on their way. I see coming to RfM as an act of kindness.

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Posted by: angela ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 06:00PM

Yes, I am recovered.

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Posted by: sunbeep ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 06:37PM

Yes, I care, but have moved on enough that it doesn't control my every thought anymore.

It's like having a bully living next door to you for your whole life. Then, you move away, and the bully is gone. Occasionally you see him and deep emotions flood your soul, but he can't hurt you anymore. Would you like to hurt the bully or see him struggle? Yeah, but that time is long past and you just reminisce for a moment and then drive away.

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Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 07:08PM

I cared enough to stay when I first got here years ago and It


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Posted by: unbelievable2 ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 08:32PM

Yes, I do. I have been in recovery from not only the cult but it's consequences like anxiety disorder, depression, financial losses and PTSD. I don't get triggered by the cult anymore. That's progress. I moved on and am rebuilding my life. It feels good.

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Posted by: hausfrau ( )
Date: December 03, 2017 10:09PM

Do I care? That's a good question. At first I didn't care. Add raising a family in the mix, politics, seeing religion for what it is... and you start seeing the need for recovery. In every stage there will be issues to resolve about Mormonism and religion. Or I should move out of Mormon-Land...

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: December 04, 2017 02:05PM

Yes, I do a lot. This site provided a wide variety of responses as to how the cult of Mormonism, how I see it, fucked up individuals lives and how they found the wherewithal to keep going and find some sort of peace.

People daring to share, their courage, their struggles, their hardships.....just knowing that I was not an alien made all the difference to me, and I thank all of you for your taking the time and interest to do this.

I care about recovery because only by "staying" recovered can we be an opposite that others stuck in the cult can continue to see and perhaps, when the time is right for them. leave this destructive and corrupt organization.

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Posted by: desertman ( )
Date: December 04, 2017 11:10PM

It is my opinion that each person who does in fact recover from any environment defines that recovery differently. Therefore it becomes each attemptee at recovery to take the time to sort out and write down what their definition of their personal recovery will be. Then having done that their recovery can be calibrated and evaluated in a logical manner. Each of us will then be able to ascertain when, by our standards, we have recovered.
(I will probably post this as a separate new topic)

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/04/2017 11:10PM by desertman.

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: December 05, 2017 12:42AM

I never thought it was possible to recover in the first place but i am starting to take things a little more seriously about a year and a a few months out now. When you have been born into a cult and brainwashed like some super soldier week after week for decades you really don't care how it ends if you ever manage to break off from the group, recovery is hard as f#ck.

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Posted by: StillAnon ( )
Date: December 05, 2017 12:48PM

Yes, but do you really understand that millions of other people have had the same type of trials? They got out and not only survived, but thrived. You can do that too. Once you move on from the "poor me" thinking, get to the "my possibilities are endless" thinking. You're young and you have a lot of years to grow. Take advantage.

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: December 05, 2017 01:20PM

I think i am noticing a shift but i do not want to get too cocky or too confident.

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Posted by: StillAnon ( )
Date: December 05, 2017 02:44PM

I can appreciate that. But there's a vast difference between being afraid and being cocky. You're starting to figure things out. There's a lot of people here hoping you make it. Please try not to discount posters that tell you stuff that you don't want to hear. This is a good place for you to learn and break loose.

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: December 05, 2017 05:01PM

I am a little annoyed with my counselor for not telling me the connection between PTSD and anxiety till today after i told her i got on medicine for it. She has seen me for like a year and a half now, knew i was diagnosed with PTSD and knew my med list. She was like yea PTSD and anxiety are pretty much the same, well thanks for not telling me this a while ago. But she did tell me idaho's suicide rate and it is 57% higher then the national average so i really do have to be more serious about things and more vigilant. I think its the cold combined with mormonism that creates a deadly combination.

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Posted by: StillAnon ( )
Date: December 05, 2017 07:11PM

Well, your'e aware of those stats that effect you. Get some warmth and get some sun. You know the results if you don't. Please do the right things to help yourself.

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: December 05, 2017 07:24PM

The stats are not very good here for sure, the county i am in is also the worst in all of idaho, bannock county, so the odds really aren't good here for some reason. i do have a vague plan to move back to the south. I do still have friends in arizona and with only one surgery left i hope i can make a smoothe transition if i am ready of course before next winter.

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Posted by: relievedtolearn ( )
Date: December 05, 2017 06:53PM

I dunno---does the feeling of anger and the knot in my stomach mean I'm not recovered? How about the tears? The sometimes confusion when there's sweetness of character, admirable helpfulness, kindness, beauty--all mixed in with oppression and lies....

And agreed; when people you love are caught in the mix----how to you "recover"---I haven't.

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Posted by: cinda ( )
Date: December 05, 2017 09:19PM

For this nevermo, it was never about my personal recovery from tscc but rather, how to better understand those with whom I was forced to live in close proximity to(particularly since having to live with them in an Assisted Living environment. Pror to that, it was being inundated with them as neighbors in a small-town when I first moved to Utah in 1993 .Now, it is because I have come to care for those still struggling because of family/friends still entrenched in the cult, and have come to love those who provide wise words and I appreciate the intellectual posts of many here, including Hie, Cabbie, and Benson among others :)

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Posted by: readwrite ( )
Date: December 06, 2017 12:55AM

I'm not a turtle, so, only partly. I also care to have a good time. That everybody has a good time.

Recovery? Only after a trip.

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Posted by: imaworkinonit ( )
Date: December 06, 2017 01:02AM

To me, recovery means that I don't think about Mormonism every day. I only came to the board today because I realized I hadn't visited for a while, and wanted to keep in touch, just a little, because I know and care about people here.

Recovery means I'm getting out and making exmo friends who want to move past Mormonism and create joy in their lives. I can't over emphasize that having exmo friends in real life is important. They are the only ones who will really 'get' you. If I lived somewhere else, I'd also love to have a bunch of nevermo friends, so I could watch and learn from 'normal' people.

But in Utah, you've got to find your own people who will accept you, respect you, and even celebrate the significant journey you've been on in leaving the church. It just doesn't work to try to be friends with people who want to fix you, or who feel contempt or pity for you. I am close to a few Mormons, but they are exceptional people.

Google the Mormon spectrum website to find exmormons and groups near you.

Q: Am I totally recovered?

A: Can a person leave behind all the experiences and emotional baggage of the first 34 years of their life? Of course not, unless they have amnesia.

I'm pretty sure that Mormonism was so ingrained in my psyche that I'll be trying to root out some of the deep emotional programming for guilt and fear for the rest of my life. But it's a lot better now. And like I said, I don't think about Mormonism all that much, and when I do, it usually doesn't create a strong emotional reaction, except for the feeling of gratitude that I got out, with my husband and kids.

Recovering from Mormonism has been hard work. It's been a lot of reading, a lot of internal work, and a lot of discussion with others who have been through it.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/06/2017 01:09AM by imaworkinonit.

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