We were all going to a water park today..Memorial Day fun. Well, we almost all got there but they called Jake into the work..the ER was a zoo and he was needed. The boys faces were glum..like we weren't going. Get ready the three of us are going..I'm use to that and so are they. We had a super day...hot sunny, warm water...the boys are like fish and I love the water.

Finally I dragged two tired fish that looked like prunes out of the water and home we came.

Jake still wasn't home...but our phone answering machine was blinking madly. 4, count them four messages from his Mom, one from his brother and one from his BIL...No specifics just call all of them immediately. Sort of strange..I decided to get the boys dinner...all sandwichy stuff, they can their own.

When I called...first his brother..he told me that their sister had literally gone off the deep end and her husband called 911 and they are keeping her for a psych eval. Well that took my appetite away. This was not a total surprise, Jake and I talked about her state of mind this week...we both knew something was seriously wrong. I only hope they can find out what's going on and get her the help she needs desparately.

Next call to Jake's Mom...she is hysterical. Dad has been trying to calm her down, which was useless at this point. Where's Jake? She kept asking. I kept telling her had was called into work and the boys and I were gone all day that's why we weren't home earlier. Finally it got through and then she started, Jake needs to come home right away. I told her no, he can't. When something like this happens family aren't allowed to visit and that includes your doctor son who isn't in the mental health spectrum. They won't and shouldn't let him see her now. But I need him. I told her I'd set up Skype and when he gets home they can talk via the computer, Dad knows how to do it. We'll talk with you later ok?

Next our BIL...I said what happened? She was completely out of touch with reality..he was frightened for the children and called his parents, who came and got the girls and boy, packed stuff for them and took them home with them. He called 911 and they sedated her and took her to the ER. She doesn't use any prescription drugs and of course their is no alcohol in their home..He's at the hospital and all he knows is they are keeping her for a psych eval. He'll stay until she's asleep and more than likely spend the night with her.

Jake was still not home and I can't call him in the ER and there is nothing he could do now anyway.

I called my old comfort pattern...put the boys to bed and made a toasted cheese sandwich with tomato soup and potato chips crumbled in it. For whatever reason, that always helped me through many tough times. Who knows why? But it does.

Now I'm waiting for Jake to come home.

stormy

The best thing his family can do for his sister is calm themselves down. She doesn't need all that commotion just now.

But how to make them do that, I don't know. Might start by telling them the above, though.

On the plus side, you save the cost of one bridesmaid dress!

The good news (I suppose) is that she'll get a thorough workup, an evaluation, and the help that she needs.

Wishing you all the best.

and what, exactly, set her off and what was she saying, doing, etc., to cause the family to put her in the psych ward for evaluation. I am sure she is in the safest place for now and your MIL needs to get a grip and not cause any undue stress on your FIL considering his recent heart problems.

Sorry to hear this, but it isn't surprising considering her previous behavior. Wishing her the best.

You realise that Jakes mum is going to use this to try and put a stop to the wedding...?

I was thinking something along the same lines but more general. My first thought was Jake's mom is going to find a way to blame this on Stormy. If Stormy had just acquiesced to the sister's demands, this would never have happened. We know it's total bs, but Jake's mom may think it's a perfectly reasonable explanation. Mormon-think is so convoluted.

Stormy, one of the things I admire about you is your ability to draw boundaries and not let others guilt trip you out of your decisions. Mormons, especially those BIC, have their boundaries trampled on their entire lives from the time they are very young so drawing boundaries and sticking to their guns does not come naturally.

The accounts of your adventures that you tell here are great lessons for former Mormons, especially women, in not allowing others to manipulate us, no matter what tactics they trot out.

The daughter's behaviors seem very similar to her mother's. It may be a learned way of relating to the world or it could be a mental illness with a genetic component or maybe a combination of both.

I will hold a good thought for her to get the medical help she seems to need so desperately.

I learned the hard way to take care of myself. I learned you are responsible for your own happiness. You can't totally depend on someone else.

Mormon women are very diffetent. I don't believe they've been valued as people growing up. What a dreary expectation, marry young and have lots of kids. What is that to look forward to? By the time you have 3kids you wake up and say..now what? What a mess.

How do they learn what to do without a husband..or what if they have to work...nope its back to moms..

They let all church rules and regs run their lives. It's a bunch of don'ts what good if that? I get angry thinking how they are cheated..in every way. They can't think for themselves about anything..do when it goes horribly wrong they have nothing to fall back on but illusions.

My sil is a good example of that..she does everythingthe morh asks of her and more...what do they do? Ask for more..do more, pray more, live better, read more to scriptutes..right..oh and clean more toilets. Guaranteed to make you feel good.

Mormons are experts at guilt. My sil is a direct result of generations of mormon crap, brainwashing and cult like techniques. Now it's come home.

Leery of talking with her..but I will if her drs ask.

I have the answers but does she really want near them? Who knows.

stormy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/31/2011 03:53PM by stormy.

Hoooooooly shit, stormy.

Thank God she didn't have that meltdown in the middle of your wedding!

Your sandwich and tomato soup with potato chips brings back memories...haven't done that in a long time. But always loved it....also put chips in my lunchmeat sandwiches as I grew up. I hope things calm down for his sister. Could it be all this activity with your wedding to come and her strict TBM ways have caused her brain to just explode (kidding here). She can't take the two very different lifestyles and still remain true to who she is??? Just curious. Let's hope the mental health folks can help her.I too am glad this did not happen the day of your wedding. Can you imagine???

What a hell of a situation for you, Stormy. I really hope your SIL will get better. Please keep us updated on this situation.

We've seen many times on the forum where parents freak out when their kids go inactive or downright leave the Church. Mormon parents, more than most, seem to really see their kids as a reflection of themselves.

If their kid has gone off the deep end, then it's somehow a reflection on them. "What will the people at church think? Oh much gosh. They're gonna think we're not living right."

More than ever, you really need to concentrate on you and your own family. These extended family members are toxic, man.

Is there any indication that this is just an attention grab on the sister's part? Or do you think she's really gone off her rocker?

Grilled cheese and tomato soup and the routine of daily life. Sounds like you know exactly how to take care of yourself. Maybe now, with the proper medical supervision, Jakes sister will learn to take care of herself the same way--instead of trying to obtain that impossible level of perfection that LDS women are always striving for and can never actually reach. That's what probably set her off--so just keep on keeping on, stormy, know that it isn't your fault, take care of your business, and be supportive of Jake's family without letting them get to you. We're all thinking good thoughts for you.

My first thought is that it sounds like Jake's sister is channeling her mother. Seriously, I would have totally expected this from his mother -- her cave in was weird. My second thought is that I kind of hope that this is a manipulation ploy because it would be sad for her if this is a real mental illness. My third thought is that maybe she's having a meltdown because she's done everything "right" (manipulation, temper tantrums, self righteous bs) but no one has caved in to "comfort" her by doing as she demands.

Real life really is stranger than fiction. What a soap opera Jake's family would make. They could call it: All my Eternal Family.

Seriously, can't they see that only a complete moron would want to spend an eternity in that drama-fest?

Hang in there. At least you and the boys had a lovely day before the excrement hit the fan.

Rebeckah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My second thought is
> that I kind of hope that this is a manipulation
> ploy because it would be sad for her if this is a
> real mental illness. My third thought is that
> maybe she's having a meltdown because she's done
> everything "right" (manipulation, temper tantrums,
> self righteous bs) but no one has caved in to
> "comfort" her by doing as she demands.

My first thought was that this is just another move by her to control the situation and get her way.

Come to think of it, those are my second and third thoughts also.

This woman is determined to have her way and ruin your wedding. Don't let her!

for some time. Is the first time she has been hospitalized for a psychotic episode?
If this is her inability to see her brother remarry the mother of his children, or wear a dress that is against her religion, she is in deep trouble.

I wonder . . . Jake's mom seems to be making an effort and Jake and Stormy are standing strong for themselves and their boys.

As a nevermo with many TBM's in the family tree, I tend to see this latest development as a symptom of the LDS attitude towards women. I think we can all agree that the 'Molly Mormon' role is a tough one. Cognitive dissonance to the nth degree! Maybe Jake's sister is finally, really coming face to face with it. Can you blame her for coming unglued?

How 'bout we support Jake and Stormy through this and wait to hear from them rather than make villains out of anyone? They sooo have enough drama on their hands already!

Cognitive Dissonance to the nth degree.

I agree. It seems that MIL is trying. Let's not borrow trouble pr accuse her of things she hasn't done. If she does use this as a ploy to delay the wedding, they can deal with it then.

So far, it looks like she is getting the help she needs.

Jakes mom needs to be in the mental ward with his sister so the rest of you can get on with living your lives. Too many drama queens. This thing sounds rather scripted.

dane Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Jakes mom needs to be in the mental ward with his
> sister so the rest of you can get on with living
> your lives. Too many drama queens. This thing
> sounds rather scripted.

That struck me funny. I know plenty of families that make this all seem mind and tame! :-)

You could make this into a damned good puppet show!

Ron

ExMormonRon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You could make this into a damned good puppet
> show!
>
> Ron

Ron's back! And better than ever! LOL!

lol ron

A breakdown like this didn't come out of no where- unless she is faking it, of course. She might have a dark, dark secret and somehow this wedding is triggering her breakdown.

I hope she'll be ok. I also hope this was the other shoe that dropped and nothing else happens. Seriously, how much more crap do you have to deal with?

If only the psych dr could keep SIL hospitalized until AFTER the wedding!

Psych wards are VERY restricted. Only listed people can visit, and the ward is locked. Visitors must be escorted on and off the ward. Visiting times are much more limited than the rest of the hospital, and treatment is quite regimented.

If you have ever had a family member with mental illness who has been hospitalized, you'd know that during the hospitalization, it's actually PEACEFUL for the rest of the family. The chaos in the household is gone, and everyone can relax knowing the ill family member is in a SAFE place.

I, too, extend my wishes that SIL gets the help she needs, and continues with the program once she is finally discharged.

~VOW

(edited to remove double post)

~VOW



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/31/2011 02:43PM by voweaver.

From what I understand my sister is on complete overload..she's not making much sense. The eval is not complete. I'm the only family besides her husband that's allowed access to her medical info. My mom is not happy. It's a good call on sisters part.

She wants nothing to do with her family at all. Told the dr she's tired of all the crap. Disappearing would be a solution. Well that guarantees she'll be there awhile. They'll consider her suicidal and keep her.

Mom in all her tbm, I know what will work. Yep, a blessing from her bishop. Sister, well I xxcxxx will do now. She point blank said how much will this blessing cost, two more babies? That says it all. Her church had called the shots too long.

Told mom nope I'm not flying out. I have to work and I'd be sitting there doing nothing. This will take time and patience. She's concerned it's her fault, good old guilt. What would life be without it besides better of course.

She's worried about the kids. Who will take care o6 them? Jake do you think? Nope mom don't send them out here. It won't work. You and dad can watch them before and after school right. I guess. That's all we need is three more kids. Nope. Not right now.

My sister wants to talk with storm who is leery. She told the dr that storm has the answers to her problems. Oh boy.

Storm wants to stay out of it if possible.

We'll know more tomorrow.

Jake

I'd try to draw a line between being compassionate and understanding and not letting SIL ruin your wedding. In other words, do what you can and be as supportive as you can but do not let people guilt you into doing things that are harmful to you

Maybe Stormy could talk to her when she is more rational. Sounds like some of her problems could be due to the church-she doesn't want a blessing, feels pressured by the kids and hated her wedding. Stormy might be able to add some perspective. Just a thought.