Posted by:
LongTimegone
(
)
Date: June 01, 2011 08:52AM
Stormy, this is an example of how you hold your boundaries that I mentioned on your other thread about your SIL. You know what is best for your family, and I enjoy watching you snap people back across the line they crossed when they try to tell you that they know better than you do what is best for you. I think you have shown plenty of compassion and kindness while still putting your own family first, and I have a lot of admiration for that.
It's very common in Mormonism for people to put the church before their own families. A common example of this is when a man is called to be a bishop and rarely sees his family for the years (often five) that he serves because he's busy taking care of the families in his ward. It's compassionate service to sacrifice the well-being of one's own family to take care of other's families.
There are tons of single moms who raise their kids without a "break" of having someone take their kids for a day, let alone a week, and those mom's are usually working a couple of jobs to make ends meet. If I remember correctly, you said you went to school and worked while being a single mom.
I think the dad is lucky to have the grandparents help with the kids. The kids need the stability of being around people they have history with. Even though they've probably lived in their mom's chaos their entire lives, it's a chaos they know.
This situation is new and scary. Shipping kids from one house to another when they already have so much internal upheaval would not be ideal, imo. Staying with dad and the grandparents keeps them in familiar surroundings. No matter how much anyone tries to distract them, they are going to be thinking and worrying about their mom.
This is also the time for SIL's visiting teachers to step up. Relief Society is supposed to be all about compassionate service, so they can bring meals to the family and help with the house and the kids as needed.
I went a bit off my main point which was admiration for your ability to hold boundaries. Those who are learning to establish their own boundaries can borrow some of your replies as stock phrases until they get more comfortable when they are put on the spot by the boundaryless. "That's not possible for us" is a good one.