Date: January 11, 2018 07:51PM
Have you gone to and/or finished college or a trade school? Employed or not? Able to support yourself?
I'm not snooping. I ask because building a future comfortable to you and connecting with others who can and will accept you as you are depends on those things.
I don't care what the LDS "standard age of expected marital bonds" to be, most of us here consider "in my twenties" to be an era of experimentation, dating, getting one's feet solidly under oneself, and *way* too young to know what you're looking for in a *lifelong* partner! Throw that crappy idea out of the window, post-haste!
I assume you to have been locked down hard, both from within yourself and by others, social and parental expectations, LDS behavioral dictates,...and so on.
And someone's gotta say it, so it might as well be me. OMG. A black transgender kid raised by white "nearly" fanatical TBMs. WHAT'S the world coming to, anyway! And go figure, you now have issues. Well...YEAH, I would expect you to have a truckload of them!
You don't need to defend your parents to me, I'm sure they were great, were born to be who they are, yadda yadda yadda, but for Christmas sake, SO WERE YOU.
You need to be among people where you feel like you fit in, and there are loads of them. After the multi-layered rejection cake you've been fed your entire life, I can understand the fear in reaching out, but a full and beautiful life awaits you, if you can.
And I have to say this about the "freak" comment. Many, many of us, raised in our birth families, felt like total freaks among them. It wasn't necessarily about gender or orientations issues, but could have been, but more that, and there's no other way to say it, our ability to think our way out of dysfunctional situations, and often, our abilities to think, period, were head and shoulders above the thinking abilities of our families. And we were sick up to *here* of the bs, and so, often in desperation, we got brave and decided to forge our own paths.
And here you are, gentle soul, looking to think your way out, forge your own path. You call yourself too scared to do that, but I'm not buyin' it. You posted here, didn't you? Reached out for help and support, and that took guts. Bravery. Boldness. It's a step. I don't know if it's number one or fifty-one, and I don't care. It's a step. Just like our steps. Sometimes, our steps went backwards, and not every decision we made was the "correct" or perfect one, but every one of them made us stronger.
For now, remember these things:
YOU are NOT the "freaky" one
You were born to be who you are, from the inside out
You can and will connect with others, and know so many different types and levels of love
You are perfectly YOU; and it is tour BIRTHRIGHT to be that person
Much love, life and support flowing your way. Prepare for THAT.