http://doylefamilyutah.blogspot.com/2011/05/depression-it-hurts.html
"I hope that I can find some relief before it gets worse and my house becomes a total sty and my husband divorces me."

Is it depression or insecurity talking or both?

Not for me. But then, I don't have any kids.

Definitely depression. She stated that she lost her twins and had a grandfather pass, has huge medical bills and can't take a vacation to pay for them.

I feel bad for her...I have had bouts of depression and feel like I no longer exist as a normal human being, plus being a SAHM is a hard and very thankless job.

I hope she can find some peace soon...

I'd be depressed too. Nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to.

I found being a stay at home mom (when the children were too young for school) to be very depressing. You have to be a really great self-stimulator because there's nothing to feed the mind or the soul about the job. It's pure drudgery 24/7/365.

I firmly believe that we aren't well suited to be boxed up in our own little houses with no real interaction with friends and family. There are times when that's nice, but when it comes to raising children, I think we'd be better off having a lot more tribal interaction and cooperation.

When I went back to college, I took a Cultural Anthropology class. We saw a film about an Anthropologist who married a woman from an Amazon tribe and brought her back to live in suburban middle America. She had a few children and was constantly depressed, though doing her best.

After a few years, they took the family back to visit the relatives in the Amazon. She decided she just couldn't go back to her box in the burbs and they divorced.

I think it depends on the person. I am a stay at home wife. It wasn't what I planned to be. I have two master's degrees, but my husband and I have moved four times in four years (he's in the military) and that makes having a full time job outside the home difficult. So I do freelance writing from home. It was a hard adjustment at first, but now I like it more than I did working in a cubicle. And again, I don't have kids to deal with... just dogs. I think having little kids around and no chance for adult conversation probably makes all the difference.

I fully agree that depression is a very real thing, though. I suffered with it for years, mainly when I was working at a job I couldn't stand and temporarily living with my parents after a stint in the Peace Corps. I saw a therapist, took medication, and went to graduate school, where I met my awesome exmo husband. Life isn't the way I planned it, but it's okay.

ETA: The woman on the blog has been through a lot. Looks like besides the recent loss of twins, she lost a son a few years ago. I think she has plenty of reason to be depressed.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/02/2011 06:08PM by knotheadusc.

I'd be depressed if that was my life. It sounds like situational depression. I am currently dealing with that...in the past two years I had a baby, got fat (I used to be a size 4, now I'm a 12), husband has been deployed twice (10 months total), we moved, my parents recently died within 6 months of each other, and I lost my religious (life) foundation because I learned it was a fraud. I was one of those SAHM on Prozac, but it really helped me. I just went off of it and I'm doing well at managing my sadness. I was only on it for a year.

As for being afraid her husband might divorce her, it's too bad she's not more secure with her relationship with her husband. I'm definitely not worried about that!

As for being real...I agree that SAHMs on Facebook and blogs are not...or they only show the happy side. It bugs the crap out of me, so I make sure I post a little bit of everything. Recently my family went on a tip and we had one day that was really crappy. I blogged about that crappy day and even told everyone why it was crappy. I even posted a picture of my daughter with really messy hair. It wasn't all cutsie with a big bow in it either.

Definitely depression, she's got a lot on her plate. If she was pregnant the hormones are still crazy for her too.

I've been a stay at home mom/wife since my kids were born, (although there was a short stint when I worked nights to make ends meet, but it was brief). I enjoy being a mom but it is hard for several reasons:
1) Your children especially the first year rely on you for everything. Everything.
2) After the first year it gets a little easier, but they still rely on you for most of their needs.
3) You have limited adult interaction, and the interaction you do have is with other moms chasing their kids; so you have about 2.3 seconds to state your point or it's all lost.
4) Every day doing the same things is boring, very very boring.
You read a lot of books, you go online a lot--anything to get interaction with other people. I'd spend hours at the park.
5) You enter (at least I did, I see it with other moms too though) super protective mom mode, and try to shield your child from anything and everything you deem bad.
6) You get extremely jealous of the time your spouse spends at work.
7) Cleaning is boring, and doing it day after day is monotonously boring, I admit my house was a sty for awhile because I just didn't want to clean anymore.
8) I never thought my husband would divorce me over it, he said clean or don't clean, I don't care, LOL. Gotta love him! I did wonder if I bored him to tears though talking about my day.

Was it depressing? Yes at times. I really like kids and came from a large family so I knew what to expect, but I'm glad we stopped when we did. My favorite age so far is pre-teen, they don't depend on you for everything and you can take them to fun places like amusement parks and movies that aren't rated G. I absolutely love my kids and would not trade them for anything or change the circumstances that led to us having children young BUT, I am looking forward to them leaving home, to traveling and doing things just with my dh, and to working outside the home.

conditions the young woman suffers. Nor did I experience the number of deaths, even though I did have a miscarriage and lost my grandparents that raised me, and my mother while the children were little.

I was overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted and cranky at times, but I don't seem to get depressed. I get "down", and have the "blues" from time to time,(usually because I'm exhausted, tired or sick), but that in my case, is just the normal ebb and flow of life. I remember that the only thing I wanted for any holiday was: 10 days of 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep! :-)

Life, in my case, with a bunch of kids, with a new job for hubby that required that he travel out of state very often, became a whole new way of living. I was on my own a lot. Didn't have any family even in the state.
He often worked in secure areas and it was not possible to reach him and not acceptable to call at work. If I was lucky, he would call in the evenings. Sometimes he was gone a month at a time.

The one thing I did, to keep my head above water and keep as much stability as possible, was to establish and keep to a schedule that didn't deviate too much. I was LDS at the time, and the "callings" were a diversion from the constant burdens of child rearing with an absent husband.

We didn't "blog" in those days, didn't have a computer, or cell phones, no microwave either. (I love all my new gadgets now days!!).
I was on my own, much of the time and it was not always pretty, but, I managed by keeping on top of things as much as possible, even though some things didn't get done (like yard work). We used to say that you couldn't raise kids and grass at the same time!

One time, the bishop (or someone) took pity on us because hubby worked out of town, and decided to trim our bushes etc. I about lost it when I saw what they did! The good brethren (!) cut the bushes back and mutilated them so badly they were just scrawny twings! (It was a privacy hedge!!) I was furious! Needless to say, nobody messed with my yard again! :-)

I suck at being a full-time SAHM. I feel fortunate to work Tuesday's, Thursday's and every other Friday and get to spend my off days at home with the girls. Going to work helps me be a much better parent when I am home and I actually find I'm more productive as a whole.

I think there needs to be balance in life. If a SAHM's life is 99% children because the family cannot afford occasional childcare or the husband is always gone working his ass off to make ends meet, I believe a large portion of women would be depressed in that situation.

Add tragic events like death/grieving into the picture and it's a recipe for disaster.

This came to me suddenly, as I was doing the laundry-AGAIN. It was 1997.

Stuck in the suburbs with my washing machine.
Stuck in the suburbs making everything clean.

Stuck in the suburbs and breaking my back.
There isn't ANYTHING, that I lack.



Three years later, after a major cross country move, I found RFM, and resigned in 3 weeks time.

A year later I divorced a TBM after 32 years.

It's been a wild ride, but worth it.