Not my DH but a good friend of mine. My heart is broken. My friend has been the most supportive, wonderful wife to this man. Her crime? She no longer believes in the church. I am in a RAGE right now. This church who brags about their god damned family values and family is so important blah, blah, is the force behind this man LEAVING his wife and children. Because he wants a Mormon wife. He wants someone to go to the temple with. Forget the love they have for each other. Forget their children. Forget their family. Forget all the SACRIFICES she has made for him. Yes, and it's all too common, she married as a teen, had children early, put off her education and took a backseat to his. Now, when the bastard leaves her for some imaginary Molly Morman woman he is fantasizing about, she has no education and no options. Typical LDS woman's plight. I am screaming inside!

Your poor friend. Does she have a support system in place?

I'm livid too. Stupid cult...

Unfortunately, no. She is from out of state. The husband has kept her pretty isolated here. She has no one but me. I'm trying to be there as best as I can. Don't know what to do.

Well she is going to need money.

That's for sure!

Maybe she is close enough to get some support from one who's been down that road.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/02/2011 11:18PM by AmIDarkNow?.

How sad. How tragically common for this church.

So, he never really loved her (in my opinion)...

I knew a young woman who was engaged (both LDS), and she was so excited because she received a card or note from him that said:

"Next to the Gospel, you're the most important thing in my life."

I thought that was a strange thing to say, but she was very happy. She said, "That's the way it should be."

Until he leaves her middle-aged ass with a bunch of kids, broke with no education for THE GOSPEL. Yeah, sounds like a stellar guy.

the jerk took the best years of her life, and now he's throwin' her away. Breedom Young would be proud.

of leaving the "tribe." Usually, in my limited observation, non-belief is not the only reason for the divorce. Very often there are other reasons that may have ended in divorce anyhow, but this situation expedites it.

The woman has a whole new world ahead of her. Hopefully she can find some true freedom and peace being an independent woman in charge of her own happiness and life.

Yes, they have financial problems and some other issues but her disaffection was the tipping point to cause him to file.

oh but that's just how the tribe operates, dontcha know... the church is perfect... the marriages were not... ::vomit::

I would never choose a gospel over a loving caring intelligent woman.

I'm a Leo

"Let me take you to love land!"

Been there done that,,but wife left me. Had a good family,,good business of our own,,great sex life,,all going our way. Then she starts going back to the mormons. Wanted me to re-join and take her through the big house. I refused. Within a year,,divorced,,lost our house,,lost our business. Was told by TBM's that she was better off with out me. Yea I am still bitter 30 years later.

The TBM's got it wrong. YOU are better off without HER--a woman who gave up all the things you listed for an organization who sees her (and all women) as second class citizens.

"I think no more of taking another wife than I do of buying a cow, and if you want to build up the kingdom you must take more wives."
Heebie Jeebies C. Kimball

At least she would have been the first wife in your promised eternal harem.

I'm very sorry for the pain this caused you. You created a beautiful life with her. You deserve better.

:( I wouldn't have left you!

So sad!

So much for covenants!

as a breathing, vital person in her own right. He has seen her as a dream woman, a placeholder in his life, one that he can easily switch out for a more compliant model. This man may actually be a true controller and one way for your friend to get through this is to clearly understand what she has been dealing with. The morg has been a cover for his abuse and control of her, i.e. isolating her.

Get her to read Controlling People by Patricia Evans and then The Verbally Abusive Man. Then she can stand up for what is rightfully hers as she divorces.

I agree. And I will definitely pass along that info to her. Thank you.

in Mormonism really is not based on love or any desire to be with particular individual family members. It's all about creating a machine (euphemistically called the "eternal family") that will take you into the mythical Celestial Kingdom. If one part of the machine breaks down, you replace it--just the same way that you would replace a carbuerator on your car if it breaks down.

There probably will come a time when people like the husband/dumper in the OP will realize that they've thrown away love, true spirituality and companionship with a unique and precious person in order to live a robotic life designed by demented old corporate farts, based on blueprints handed down by a con-man and frequent adulterer named Joseph Smith. If there is a special corner of the afterlife set aside for devout Mormons to continue living their lie, it will be one of the most robotic, sterile and depressing places imaginable.

Celestial Kingdom? That's just a fancy name for an afterlife pyramid scheme conference center, where the robots can gather together and bear testimonies to each other as to how happy the pyramid scheme has made them. Fun times.

He freed her from prison. She just doesnt know it yet. I would not want to be with a man who would leave me because I didnt believe in God the same way. How ridiculous, pathetic and sad. If I were a priesthood holder I'd curse him with my special powers.

It still boggles my mind how often this happens.

If these TBM spouses truely believed that mormonism was the way to salvation then I can think of nothing more cruel and cynical than to leave a non-believing spouse that they loved and built a life with. If it is all true, then we are suffering from a crisis of faith... but that is not how we are treated. There is no unconditional love, no long suffering, nothing remotely "christ-like". We are treated like a cancer, cut-off from the body and then our character is poisoned lest our ideas spread.

I can't sleep.

Thinking/worrying about my friend. I want to be there for her but I feel so helpless. God I hate the church so much for tearing families apart like this. Their children are beautiful. She hasn't told them yet. She sounded like she was in agony today and I cried with her. She said she never thought she would lose her husband. Ugh, the whole situation just makes me sick.

I know she will be better off free from the cult and her brainwashed psychotic husband, I just wish she didn't have to go through all this pain.

I know there are several of you whose spouse left after you disaffected. What got you through? What was comforting to you?

LDS INC /MORmONISM does not strengthen/ help/ build/ assist/
promote families. LDS INC is not good. the over all net effect of LDS inc is destroying families, destroying ppl, and doing EVIL !

If he is divorcing her because of her non belief then he will have already lined himself up with a nice TBM woman.

I predict that within six months of the divorce being final he will re marry.

Tell your friend to find out who this woman is (there will be another woman) and use the information in the divorce proceedings.

I agree with Stumbling. He's not just poking holes in the sky, he's poking someone else. Find out who, report both of them to Church authorities and watch the fur fly.

I agree that there is probably someone else because she said he filed out of the blue.

But how can she use that against him as we are in a no-fault state?

Oh and the guy de-friended me and my DH on FB last night. Asshole.

Your friend needs to get a lawyer TODAY. She needs to get to court and get the children protected. They'll make him pay out of the nose for both her support and for the support of the children.

She needs to be represented now.

If you need to, take her yourself.

-fossil

Oh, and it doesn't matter where he's poking holes -- the courts don't give a damn who's doing who.

Try to keep her mind off that, because it will just make it worse when make a dime's worth of difference to the court.

-fossil

She has retained an attorney and feels much better about the situation now that she knows her rights. Thanks so much everyone for your support and advice.

She let me read through the divorce petition and the guy is trying to paint her as an alcoholic. WTF? He is totally TBM and it's probably because she has a beer once in a blue moon. This guy is psycho!

@AmIDarkNow - they married when she was a teenager and without giving too many IRL details, she looked like a runway model. But this last year she has gained about 80 lbs because of health issues that were totally out of her control. But she is beautiful and is trying very hard to get healthy again.

She has retained an attorney and feels much better about the situation now that she knows her rights. Thanks so much everyone for your support and advice.

She let me read through the divorce petition and the guy is trying to paint her as an alcoholic. WTF? He is totally TBM and it's probably because she has a beer once in a blue moon. This guy is psycho!

@AmIDarkNow - they married when she was a teenager and without giving too many IRL details, she looked like a runway model. But this last year she has gained about 80 lbs because of health issues that were totally out of her control. But she is beautiful and is trying very hard to get healthy again.

Look up the number for Legal Aid Society of Salt Lake and get her to apply there for legal assistance. They have a short waiting list and income requirements. But they might be able to help her. You could also learn some of the basics about divorce law for when you start practicing which could help you in the process. (Though divorce law is complicated so she needs representation from an experienced attorney because its not simple at all.) A plan of action will help her mood too. Good luck.

Being the primary caregiver for the children and being a stay at home mom to fulfill that obligation the judge will most likely defer to her for major custody and she will get a decent maintenance payment plus child support money. This will not be the “trade her in for a new model just like that" scenario. He is about to be enlightened on that fact. Her stay at home status will actually work for her. Like others have said, get her to a lawyer now. Also let her know many of us have been down that road for the exact same reason. It takes time but it gets better. Ask questions here.

BTW is she 5’2 to 5’9 blonde, black or brown hair about 120 to 145 lbs with,,,,,,,,,, what? Too soon for that? Yeah ok, yur right, never mind, never mind.