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Posted by: illini ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 02:07PM

I told him only on certain conditions:

1) He has to pay me 10% of his gross income for his entire life

2) He will be required to spend two years working seven days a week on his own dime trying to convince people to worship me and give me 10% of their gross income also

3) One day a week he and his family will need to do nothing but talk about how wonderful I am. This includes meeting in a building they need to construct in my honor. During these meetings they will need to have three hours of prepared lessons and talks on how wonderful I am and how much I have done for them.

4) Every time he sits down to eat he needs to thank me for giving him the food that he worked to buy and that he prepared with his own hands

5) If he does everything in a way that I approve of, when he comes home he can live upstairs with me and he can have his wife and kids with him. If I am not happy with what he has done, he is going to live in the basement with the lights off and his wife will be married off the neighbor with my son's kids being adopted by this neighbor.

6) His underwear will be purchased from me. I have sewn items into these long johns to remind him of how special I am and how much he needs to do what I tell him to do.

7) In order to get in the house, just so that I know it is actually my son, he is going to need to dress up in a costume, recite passphrases, and provide special handshakes. You cannot be too careful about these things.

8) I gave him a copy of Alice in Wonderland and told him that it contains a history of the universe. He must tell everyone that he believes this to be true and any denial will cause him to be sent to live in the basement.

9) I need to be given credit for anything good that happens in his life and all bad things are to be blamed on his brother...the dog...he has been a problem his entire life.

10) All of his actions are going to be recorded. Everything. Phone calls, texts, cameras every place in his house, cars, office. You name it. Before the final decision is made whether he can live upstairs, all of that video and audio is going to be reviewed. No exceptions.

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Posted by: SL Cabbie ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 02:11PM


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Posted by: still logged out ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 02:27PM

What about your daughter?

Surely you wouldn't be that harsh with her, right? </s>

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Posted by: illini ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 03:16PM

still logged out Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What about your daughter?
>
> Surely you wouldn't be that harsh with her, right?


;) You know it. She is to be "protected." No working outside the home, lots of babies, and when she is walking around upstairs she must have her face covered.

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Posted by: paintingnotloggedin ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 02:30PM


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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 04:11PM


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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 11:31PM

well, apparently God does NOT need training in being an insensitive self absorbed divine @$$ hole

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Posted by: Chicken N. Backpacks ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 06:14PM

One time I heard about this really powerful guy who just stood by while the authorities actually *executed* his son.

Weird, huh?

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 06:22PM

11) He has to take a part-time job working for my businesses slaving away for my middle management and executives and paying them the outmost respect. Actually, he needs to respect them more than his middle management and executives who actually pay him money for his effort. And when called upon to do something he doesn't agree with, he needs to just follow his leaders or I'm going to heap all the blame for anything he does wrong at anytime working for me solely upon his shoulders.

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Posted by: moremany ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 07:16PM

Did he die?

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Posted by: cricket ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 07:19PM

after they ask you to leave if you don't want to covenant to a contract you have not yet read.

Thanks for posting, this is very clever.

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: February 12, 2018 08:32PM

Sounds like my father's terms.

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Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: February 13, 2018 12:44AM

donbagley Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sounds like my father's terms.


RANSOM NOTE TO DON’S PARENTS:

We got Don.
And we’re keeping him.

—RfM

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Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: February 13, 2018 08:47AM


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Posted by: mlsmit7b ( )
Date: February 13, 2018 12:12AM

Awesome post, wish I was brave enough to show it to my TBM family.

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Posted by: knotheadusc ( )
Date: February 13, 2018 12:51AM

Kind of sounds like my husband's life with his narcissistic ex wife... and then she joined the LDS church, which made things even worse. :D

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Posted by: exminion ( )
Date: February 13, 2018 06:39AM

Don't forget, he has to clean and maintain your house and yard, for free.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: February 13, 2018 09:33AM

This should be printed up and put in the place of those Proclamations of the Family.

Mormonism in a nut shell.

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: February 13, 2018 09:41AM

In a “nut” shell.

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Posted by: Top ( )
Date: February 15, 2018 02:19PM

Top

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Posted by: mightybuffalo ( )
Date: February 15, 2018 07:08PM

Man I loved this. He's tricky, that guy!

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Posted by: Hockeyrat ( )
Date: February 15, 2018 11:12PM

Don’t forget toilet cleaning duty

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Posted by: Phazer ( )
Date: February 16, 2018 10:42AM

That is clever!

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Posted by: chipace ( )
Date: February 16, 2018 03:02PM

#6 and #8 were my favorites. I can't believe I used to believe that crap.

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