1) He has to pay me 10% of his gross income for his entire life
2) He will be required to spend two years working seven days a week on his own dime trying to convince people to worship me and give me 10% of their gross income also
3) One day a week he and his family will need to do nothing but talk about how wonderful I am. This includes meeting in a building they need to construct in my honor. During these meetings they will need to have three hours of prepared lessons and talks on how wonderful I am and how much I have done for them.
4) Every time he sits down to eat he needs to thank me for giving him the food that he worked to buy and that he prepared with his own hands
5) If he does everything in a way that I approve of, when he comes home he can live upstairs with me and he can have his wife and kids with him. If I am not happy with what he has done, he is going to live in the basement with the lights off and his wife will be married off the neighbor with my son's kids being adopted by this neighbor.
6) His underwear will be purchased from me. I have sewn items into these long johns to remind him of how special I am and how much he needs to do what I tell him to do.
7) In order to get in the house, just so that I know it is actually my son, he is going to need to dress up in a costume, recite passphrases, and provide special handshakes. You cannot be too careful about these things.
8) I gave him a copy of Alice in Wonderland and told him that it contains a history of the universe. He must tell everyone that he believes this to be true and any denial will cause him to be sent to live in the basement.
9) I need to be given credit for anything good that happens in his life and all bad things are to be blamed on his brother...the dog...he has been a problem his entire life.
10) All of his actions are going to be recorded. Everything. Phone calls, texts, cameras every place in his house, cars, office. You name it. Before the final decision is made whether he can live upstairs, all of that video and audio is going to be reviewed. No exceptions.
11) He has to take a part-time job working for my businesses slaving away for my middle management and executives and paying them the outmost respect. Actually, he needs to respect them more than his middle management and executives who actually pay him money for his effort. And when called upon to do something he doesn't agree with, he needs to just follow his leaders or I'm going to heap all the blame for anything he does wrong at anytime working for me solely upon his shoulders.