I know this is very self pitying but idk where to turn. I'm James and I have severe social anxiety. It is hard to talk to people in general let alone make new friends. I've drifted apart from a bunch of friends I've had over the years but I have always had my life long best friend, my younger sibling. We have always been really close and even through all the mess of me leaving mormonism for buddhism they have been my closest friend and peacemaker between me and my parents when things were rough. They were about 1/3 mormon. They believed some doctrine but not most of it and decided for themselves what they wanted to follow and not. About 9 months ago they started dating someone who was very to the T mormon. When they started dating them they stopped telling ms anything about their life, even small things. They would disappear from seeing me or contacting me for weeks. Things seemed weird but they still seemed essentially the same when we did speak or see each other. They said their relationship wasn't serious and they freaked out at even the idea of marrying this person. So, when i heard through they were engaged and confirmed it through facebook a few weeks after hearing this from them and that they were going to have a temple wedding in a very short time it hit like a load of bricks. Everyone has resigned that this is just the way it is going to be and i am personally worried about them and this decision they are making. I know there isn't much of a solution to this. I was just hoping to find people who were mormon like me who may have dealt with a similar situation and maybe get some consolation or sympathy.

Your brother is getting hitched to his Mormon American Princess, and has traded reality for the happily ever after fantasy of the Mormon mantra. Don't get bogged down by his decisions. You are now going solo. That's all.

Your lives are taking different directions. Maybe someday he'll come back around. For now he's done a complete 180. Time to explore your other interests; develop new ones, etc.

When my TBM brothers got married in the temple to their Mormon American Princesses their wives gained a new family member, and our family lost a son and a brother. My sisters-in-law lost no time in spiriting them away from our family and alienating them from grandparents, aunts/uncles & cousins on my brothers side.

Their wives are very insecure to this day. Not sure why they feel that way, but that's who my brothers married.

I’m sorry for your loss.

I never attended my 3 siblings weddings. I never been married myself. I have very little friends. 3 out 4 siblings are out now. I didn't realize what people might be thinking about me as I wasn't able to attend.

I never sinned, i'm a virgin. never got the endowments, but I never wore the underwear, didn't pay tithing consistently, maybe once every couple years. I knew I had to do an interview with strangers. I don't give interviews. those people who walked by me as I sat in between 2 parked cars in the temple parking lot, proberly thought that I fucked all the time or did drugs.

No, I just wasn't into Mormonism. I'm sure God will understand.

You are not the only one to feel left out.

Now I'm wealthy, was diagnosed with aspbergers 10 years ago. But I'm certainly not the person they were thinking of as they walked by me entering the temple. believe me, you are just as important as they are. you life is valuable, and they are missing so much because they ignore you.

make sure you don't give up, talk to them, even if they don't talk back. it shows you care.

Thank you all ao much. It's been hard for me to fathom that someone would choose such a short relationship over a 25 year friendship but i have been out for so long i think i have forgotten the grasp the church gan hold on you, let alone puppy dog love. I know I'll make it through this. This is just the beginning which is always the hardest part. Really. Thanks. Your words mean a lot.

From many stories shared on this board, what happened to your sibling is not at all unusual. Blame it on the hormones. I'm sorry, James, I know it must be painful for you. Even if religion were not involved, at some point your sibling's primary relationship would turn to his or her spouse.

Have you ever consulted your physician about your social anxiety? Perhaps s/he can help.

I know they would have a more primary relationship. I am more concerned with the major personality shift in a short time and knowing it will be more drastic once they are actually married and are to keep up with temple standards. Also, I don't have a physician because I'm too poor to have health insurance let alone pay for therapist/psychologist fees that would be needed to treat anything i have. I just have to make do on my own.

Catholic Charities is nationwide, it provides counseling services on a sliding scale according to ability to pay. Most communities have this type of non-profit, and others. If you're on the lower rung of the income scale there may be no charge to you at all.

More than 160 CC agencies across the USA.

https://catholiccharitiesusa.org/find-help You don't need to be Catholic, or religious, to get counseling there by licensed professionals.

Salvation Army may also provide counseling services on a sliding scale and they are just about everywhere. Other agencies are out there with similar services.

Don't be shy in reaching out making that call, and get an appt to talk to someone.

Yes, there can be a drastic shift back toward the church when a member gets married. Another shift point is when the children come along.

Contact your community mental health agency to see if they can help you. I also like Amyjo's ideas. Another thought is that communities often have low or no-cost health clinics.

As much as i know you guys are trying to help i didn't come here for help or advice just to see if anyone could relate to the situation i am in. I know and understand my mental health and what resources there are. This is about my situation with my sibling. The mention of my mental health was for context not to be told what i need to do without you knowing me at all. Like the title of this thread says i am looking for consolation, that is all. I am not someone who is okay with discussing my mental health on the internet with strangers. So, if this side note of the conversation could end that would really be appreciated.

Sometimes are closest friends are siblings but even they have their own life and interest. What is happening is one of many "natural" events that occur in our lives.

You will get used to it.

I was 11 when he was born and I took care of him a lot because my brother just older than him had a lot of problems like being hit by a truck on his bike, etc. So I was this brother's mom. He even called me mom.

Somewhere in the middle of my own big giant mess of finding out my boyfriend/future husband was gay, my brother was having problems with my parents and left home. We grew apart. We didn't have much to do with each other for a long time. He got married and had a baby. When they had the baby, I volunteered to babysit and I did every Saturday while his wife worked.

Some years later, his wife decided she wanted a divorce. She sent me an e-mail and said my brother needed me and he showed up on my doorstep. We've been very, very close ever since. He has remarried. I'm friends with his wife and son. He is my BEST FRIEND. He says the same about me.

Keep in touch with your brother NO MATTER WHAT. Even if it is just now and then. Call him just to talk. Go visit. Keep some kind of connection as some day I really believe your brother is going to need you. You can't do anything NOW about the situation, but just keep in touch.