Ended up in this situation. I Said no to a couple of family members about two months ago after year of covert abuse. Have pampered their ego for years and I could just not say no because of anxiety. I was walking on egg shells always watching my words.

But the past two years I have sensed something is really wrong. We get older and logically this pampering does not make any sense because life keeps taking it toll and the perspective on life grows larger and larger. I just can not keep doing it because we outgrow it.

So in a situation two months ago I said stop, enough is enough! After that I have been discarded and they treat me with silence every time we meet. They combine it with some manipulation of our relatives/community so that they also will create distance to me and that way push my emotional "buttons" from other angles.

But I do not react any longer because what more can I lose if I lose the contact with them? What it there for me? They do not even seem to appreciate my sacrifice of myself?

I have been silent for eleven years to pamper their egos but this does not work any longer. Their trick does not work. If they want to talk I would love to do it in a mutual and resepectful manner but they do not seem to want to do that. It is their way or the highway.

Why would I want to go back to that? It is absurd.

Sheesh! What a waste of humanity.

It sounds like you are setting reasonable boundaries. Your family members are currently testing those boundaries to see if you will hold firm. Don't be afraid to stick to them!

Your family members may or may not come around. But you are still entitled to stand up for yourself, and your needs, and your wants.

If your family members treat you with silence, laugh at them and their ridiculous behavior. They are behaving like petulant children!

The abusive silent treatment--and it really is "abusive" does get to you! It's mind game. Mormons shun you, so that you think you are crazy, and unworthy of their notice, and a "nothing".

RFM helped me realize that I was not singled out--almost everyone on this board has been shunned!

It was not about me at all. The Mormons have to inflict "outer-darkness" onto those who leave, in order to make their stupid superstitions and prophesies come true. They can't handle the fact that most of us ex-Mormons are happy, healthy, popular, and successful.

However upset you are about being given the silent treatment, those Mormons are much more upset, angry and confused, that you are living a good life, without their dumb cult!

Congratulations on handling this difficult situation on your own. I needed therapy, to help me let go of my Mormon abusers. My older brother beat and tortured me for my entire childhood, until I left home. Even then, he didn't stop. My parents used to tell me that my brother loved me, and would do anything for me. The therapist helped me by telling me that 1) My brother was a psychopath, and 2) My brother never did love me.

My guess is that these same two facts apply to whoever is being cruel to you. Psychopaths, and other shunners, use guilt to manipulate you. You know that the Mormons cry "Persecution!" and blame everybody else. Don't feel guilty that you don't want abuse in your life. You are your own adult parent, now, just like you said.

I don't miss the two Mormon relatives that I no longer have contact with--not at all--and I certainly don't miss feeling like dirt when I'm around them. A person needs good self-esteem, in their career, relationships, in just about everything in life.

Anyone who wants to rob you of your self-esteem is your enemy. Anyone who wants you to be unhappy, or unsuccessful is your enemy. I used to think the best of everyone, and this was a hard lesson for me to learn, and I learned the hard way.

Once the shunners and abusers are out of your life, you start appreciating the GOOD people all the more. The world outside of Mormonism is not scary at all--it is filled with love and adventure! Enjoy your freedom!

Thank you for reminding me of this crap....

FYI I am a sarcastic New Yorker.....I don't take that BS Lightly.

I have kept my crap up until they crack break their silence and apologize in their politely rude way.

Me: hello everyone how ya doin?
Them : Silence
Me: What brings you to the church Bldg. today?
Then: silence
Me: With the amount of people here you would think I would get some sort of greeting. Hello. Nice to see you, can we help you with anything.
Them: Silence
Me: Well hell I guess the cat has everyones tong!
Them: Silence
Me: Well no wonder everyone that visits hear bitches about how rude the ward is.
Them: BR, AVT we at sorry that you seem to be having some sort of an issue, but we came here today to enjoy the spirit of being together. We are not amused by your cussing in the Ward Bldg. and would very much apprieciate it if you left.

Me: I am not sure if the Lord would be more bothered by my cussing or you pretending to be holy

them: silence..........

> Thank you for reminding me of this crap....
>
> FYI I am a sarcastic New Yorker.....I don't take
> that BS Lightly.
>
> I have kept my crap up until they crack break
> their silence and apologize in their politely rude
> way.
>
> Me: hello everyone how ya doin?
> Them : Silence
> Me: What brings you to the church Bldg. today?
> Them: silence
> Me: With the amount of people here you would think
> I would get some sort of greeting. Hello. Nice to
> see you, can we help you with anything.
> Them: Silence
> Me: Well hell I guess the cat has everyones tong!
> Them: Silence
> Me: Well no wonder everyone that visits here
> bitches about how rude the ward is.
> Them: BR, AVT we at sorry that you seem to be
> having some sort of an issue, but we came here
> today to enjoy the spirit of being together. We
> are not amused by your cussing in the Ward Bldg.
> and would very much apprieciate it if you left.
>
> Me: I am not sure if the Lord would be more
> bothered by my cussing or you pretending to be
> holy
>
> them: silence..........