I think I'm being overly dramatic in stating that mormons who believe must also believe all exmormons are lazy/sinners and therefore can't have real relationships with exmos as a result.

That may be true for some mormons and not true for others.

I wouldn't know unless I had long discussions with each.

But it is true, that the church teaches that exmormons are flawed in a way that is different than catholics teach ex-catholics are flawed, or methodists teach ex-methodists are flawed.

When you tear yourself from mormonism, this idea is so embedded, that it can literally change the way you think about yourself - even though you don't believe the premise.

I think that some exmormons - especially males - but that's a big assumption - have their self respect damaged when they learn the truth and decide to be honest about it.

They than spent time - sometimes years trying to earn it back from the people who have painted them with the red "A".

It's hard to tear yourself away because your family is mormon, your friends were mormon - instead of making new family and friends, you just want the old ones to open their minds just a bit more to make room for the idea that you are the same good person you were.

I think that mormonism mostly wins in this regard - even now.

All you can do is accept that you are an adult and should act like one and move on.

You've made the point exactly. When you're raised Mormon you're taught to think that being accepted is the only way to "fit." That's how Mormonism is so effective at keeping people trapped--something Catholicism can't really do, outside of, maybe, in far earlier times. Mormons don't seem to learn much about human nature. Instead, they groundlessly believe in their own difference and superiority. That makes former Mormons completely vulnerable to being "othered" by Mormons. Both sides buy into the same system.

No one can change who their family is. Everyone wants their family to accept them. Mormon leaders, though, have weaponized this natural feeling, teaching parents, spouses, siblings, everyone, to withhold acceptance to extort compliance, or at least the outward appearance of compliance, so the organization never faces loss of support. No one is ever publicly challenged. The fact is, though, reality doesn't play this game. It's all a false construct.

Once you accept your family, and decide to give them what only you can give them, your love, concrete actions based on true concern for their well-being, and the truth--to extricate them from situations that their denial invariably tangles them in (they hate so many people)--they will come to accept you. Or not. People are really complex and changeable. As you practice acting from the inside out, rather than from the outside in--looking for them to change your belief of their opinion about you, you're free to behave as the person you want to be. And you let them out of the box too.

And again, the whole Mormon "good person" BS is a content-free, obstacle to self-worth. A "good person" in the Mormon-sense is not a very good person. They're a person keeping the wolves at bay by following a set of rules and rituals. It's good, but in a conventional, nothing-to-be-overly-proud-about way. Many people, inside and outside Mormonism can achieve that level of "goodness." As Neurenburg showed, that level of "goodness" isn't strong enough to block the path of real evil. So in that sense, it's not much good at all.