Last year my 12 year old daughter and I moved to a new apartment in the same complex. I was dismayed when, after a couple of quiet months, we started to get unwelcome visits from what looked like the Relief Society and the Beehive group (from what we could see by looking through the peephole in the front door). We've received numerous visits and even mail, which I throw away without opening. The last time the beehive group came by they started yelling my daughter's name at the front door like they knew we were avoiding them. I heard them say, 'maybe her mom is still at work and she can't answer the door.' This angered me because I didn't tell anyone other then close friends who aren't Mormon where I was moving. Also, I feel it violates my privacy.... where did they get my new address? Being a single mom of a young daughter I don't want people to know those details as a measure of safety. Listening to this girl's comments outside my door it was clear she was aware who lived there and that I work during the day and my daughter is alone for a couple of hours after school, before I get home. I want to tell them to please leave us alone and ask where they got all of their information. Another part of me wants to open the door and pretend like they have the wrong address and to please stop harassing us. Not sure what to do about the RS messages that are mailed to me every month. I've tried writing return to sender on it and tossing it back into the outgoing mailbox but it comes back. ANY helpful advice would be welcome!!

Resigning is the most effective way to get them to stop calling.

That's based on personal experience of being harassed by the last ward where my family and I attended. We cut the ties.

I'd open the door and say, "I'm sorry, but I am no longer a mormon (whether it's official or not), but if you'd really like to befriend my daughter, please ask your mothers if you can come over weekly to help her study about the church. We'll start with the church Web site and go through the doctrinal essays so that we all understand them well. I'd be happy to add plenty of other information I've found to help clarify them. Otherwise, please respect our privacy and ask yourselves how you'd feel if you had a friend who had recently left her Catholic church and joined the LDS and her former Catholic youth group wouldn't accept that andleave her alone."

Did you file a mail change of address? That will do it. Did you tell a neighbor? Maybe your complex shared that info with another renter member. Maybe they just saw you and wondered and kept an eye out. Lots of ways.

I thought the same...maybe someone had seen me at our new address and made it known to the other mo's. You'd think after 5 years living at this complex and being ignored the stalkery stalkers would get the hint.

They only quit because I hosed them and filed a police complaint on them. Resignation didn't work that well for me.

Cheryl Wrote:
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> They only quit because I hosed them and filed a
> police complaint on them. Resignation didn't work
> that well for me.

That's still an awesome story.

I've heard it's a long and drawn out process and can cause even more harassment from the masses.

hippiegypsy Wrote:
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> I've heard it's a long and drawn out process and
> can cause even more harassment from the masses.


You mean resigning? Not anymore. It took me 5 1/2 months. Now I hear of people who have it finalized in no time flat.

Nowadays, resigning can be virtually immediate. Resigning using instructions online stopped all the unwanted visitors who were bothering my son in Idaho.

I had no idea I could do that online! I'll definitely look into that today.

In order for them to harass you any more, they would have to clearly break the law, which you could have them arrested for. By Mormon standards, they are about at the top of the harassment curve. They really can't do more without breaking windows or spray painting your door. Just resign and be done with them.

You could also open the door and in a very loud voice with your cellphone filming ask them repeatedly "what does it take to get Mormons to stop harassing people? What do I have to do to get you Mormons to stop coming? Do you harasss everyone who quits the Mormon church like this?” Tell them you are going to post it on line asking the public how they would go about getting Mormons to stop harassing them. They will stop.

brilliant idea! loooooove it!

>>I've heard it's a long and drawn out process and can cause even more harassment from the masses.

Not at all. It should take no more than two months tops, and might be finalized within weeks if you use email. At most, you might get one visit from your local bishop when he receives the resignation from Member Records, but then the visits should stop.

The Mormon church is now processing thousands of resignations every year.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/01/2018 11:22PM by summer.

From their own website:

https://tech.lds.org/wiki/Locating_members

It is damn scary what they do to track "lost sheep".

Theoretically, you could show up at your church court and admit to a long list of sins, tell, them that you have no intention of repenting and that the mormon church is a cult, and then tell them that you resign, effective immediately. You might need to make some legal threats at that point. But they couldn't excommunicate or disfellowship you even then. From the very moment that you revoke your church membership, you are then a non-member, by law. Your consent for them to take any actions involving you is then revoked, effective the moment you speak those words. Your permission for you and your legal standing to be a part in any church courts (courts of law if necessary) must be respected by law. You are not required by law to wait for any waiting period to expire for your status as a non-member to become effective. It is instant as soon as you declare it. The only legal actions they can take at that point is to honor your wishes and to remove your name from the church's membership records as a voluntary resignation.

In the past, any resignations done locally involved going through your bishop and stake president, who have often sandbagged over it, and sent home teachers, the bishop, and applicable youth leaders to your home to talk you out of it. And there have even been bishops who refused to finish the process because they think you will cool down in time. This is why resigning online is the One True Resignation Process ordained of God.

agreed. It's because they need more tithing $$ rolling in. Makes me sick to think of all the tithing my parents paid their whole lives. Now in their late 70's they live very modestly, frugally and could be wealthy retirees instead.

They are trained as detectives to use computers, phones, and toadies to hunt down inactives and exmormons.

I suggest you resign. It will certainly cut down on the harassment if not totally eliminate it.

I the meantime, you might need to be more aggressive if you want to protect your privacy. Instead of throwing out offending mail return it to the senders or to the local bishop. You could also call him and complain or write a letter telling him you'll contact your attorney or the police if he doesn't call off his offending ward members. It's up to you to decide how much abuse you want to take or how rude you're willing to be.

I'm the one who finally hosed two uninvited mormons on my porch when they returned and would not leave. That did work, but may not not be appropriate as a first step.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/01/2018 06:49PM by Cheryl.

lmao right now!!! Never could understand why groups of them show up unannounced and expect to be invited in to spend an hour talking. First time that happened my husband and I, just back off of our honeymoon, were naked in the front room of our apartment. Husband answered the door completely naked when he saw it was the RS presidency expecting a visit. Probably why we were never assigned home teachers or visiting teachers hahahaha!

I have loved that hosing story for as long as I can recall.

I don't remember exactly when I began visiting this board, but it was in the very early 2000s or maybe even the 1990s. And I think that your hosing story was around, even way back then.

Way to go, girlfriend!!

You would be shocked at the lengths the Mormon church will go to in order to track you down. There is a list of methods that they use, and it is extensive! Members and leaders will ask family members, friends, neighbors, and use various services. They act like they are private detectives on a hot trail.

Check it out on this official church website:

http://tech.lds.org/wiki/Locating_members

Given that they found you your best course of action would be to resign both yourself and your daughter. Complete directions for how to do so can be found here:

https://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm

Good luck and do let us know how it goes.

summer Wrote:

> Check it out on this official church website:
>
>http://tech.lds.org/wiki/Locating_members
>
Thanks for posting that link. I was looking for it as I posted it a few years ago and couldn't find it in my saved links.

You are a gem! I'll definitely check out these sites and get the ball rolling with resigning myself. My daughter never wanted to be baptized. The Mormon girls in her school were the meanest, most jealous and spiteful girls and she equated that to the religion.

I had NO idea that was the case. Thank you for enlightening me. I'll try it next time.

When writing "return to sender" on your letter, you need to cross out the postal code (I don't know what it's called) that is similar to the UPC codes on groceries. Your address is encrypted there, which is why the letter is returned to you. This code can be found directly under the address on the envelope. Crossing out the code will probably not stop the Mormons from coming, but it will stop the same letter from returning to you again and again.

The easiest way to stop them coming is to tell them things they don't want to hear.

I am visited every 5 years or so, and I invite them in and eventually the discussion turns to polygamy, or my stories of botched inspiration, or whatever. I assume they go back and tell people to avoid me, as I'm a threat to their faith, because I go many years without contact.

Anyway, you might open the door and ask the girls how they will like polygamy or something. Or hand them info from this site.

I'm dyyyying laughing!!! too funny! Now I WANT them to come over again and try yelling through my door at me and my daughter. We live in Arizona so I'm sure answering the door in a halter top would equally offend!

The ward clerk gets your new forwarding address from the post office by writing a letter and requesting it.

The post office will then return it to the clerk with the new address.

un-effing-believable....that's such an invasion of privacy!

Your problem is not "how they found you";

Your problem is "how to get rid of them"...
You MUST resign your membership (and your daughter's membership, if she has been baptized). It can be uncomfortable, but it is ultimately the way to make sure they stop visiting you and your daughter.

The ward clerk actually asked me if I wanted to have my membership changed to the address where I was staying with a relative for a few months. I told him not to move my membership because I wasn't staying. He did it anyway so when I moved out from my relative's house I sent in my resignation. I had a temporary address so after I resigned I moved again and they left me alone because I was resigned AND I was at an unknown residence with only a postal box address for mail. It's been great not getting bothered. Also stopped getting requests for donations from BYU.

Resigning stopped about 90% of it--and that was a huge relief!

Resigning, even if it took 10 times longer than it did, is worth the trouble! It was no trouble at all.

In fact, I regret that I had only one resignation from the Mormon cult. I would like to have the pleasure of telling them off and writing them off, again and again.

Mother Who Knows Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Resigning stopped about 90% of it--and that was a
> huge relief!
>
> Resigning, even if it took 10 times longer than it
> did, is worth the trouble! It was no trouble at
> all.
>
> In fact, I regret that I had only one resignation
> from the Mormon cult. I would like to have the
> pleasure of telling them off and writing them off,
> again and again.

I did not expect them to back off either after resigning but they did and i swear it's been the most peaceful months of my entire life.

One tactic is to send an empty envelope to your address. Yes empty. If it returns they do a search for your new address.

I used to get them addressed to my wife. She had been dead 10 years but every so often an empty envelope would appear in the mail.

I always told the visitors that she had not lived there for years. It usually stopped the visits for a year or two.

Can't get over how WRONG that is to use the government post office to update the ward member list!

Well what do you expect? You made covenants with them. You agreed to be one of them and to live by their rules. Then you flake out without any communications with them. I have no sympathy for anyone in this situation. If you married someone and then distanced yourself from them and wondered why they keep coming around, that situation would be very similar. It's your fault, not theirs that you are being harassed by them.

Here is how to solve YOUR problem. It's really not rocket science. GET SOME INTEGRITY. All you need to do is to formally resign your church membership. It's like getting a divorce. When you resign and ask not to be contacted, you legally revoke their right to contact you. If they continue to contact you then (and they won't) you then have legal recourse to put a stop to it that you lack now. The mormon church is a bunch of crap. You can put a stop to having it in your life if you want to. But don't play both sides and whine when they act on your ambiguous behavior. Question: "But what would my friends and family think if I resign". Answer: Who do you think is responsible for telling them your new addresses?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2018 05:51AM by azsteve.

Almost all other churches can take the hint, Azsteve. In the Catholic church you have to register at your new parish when you move. Otherwise, no one will come after you, although you are of course always welcome at church.

In some churches you are dropped from the roll if you don't show up within a given amount of time (typically a year.)

Only the Mormons treat you like an escaped prisoner.

The mormon church is a cult. That's why they don't get the clue and leave you alone when you choose to quit attending. That's why unlike with the catholic church and others, you need to resign.

You say we must honor church choices for a lifetime when we were forced to obey our parents as children?

That's totally unreasonable.

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You say we must honor church choices for a
> lifetime when we were forced to obey our parents
> as children?
>
> That's totally unreasonable.

That's what crossed my mind i don't even remember my own baptism. I was way too young to be making choices in that church. I shouldn't feel guilty at all.

whoa Steve.... lighten up. Now sure how I provoked your bitterness. I don't have relatives who know my address. Not one. Not whining either, just using this board as it was intended to get friendly and useful advice. neither of which you provided. Your analogy is interesting though.... do you continue to stalk or contact an ex wife or GF once they leave you? Usually after a couple attempts a healthy person would move on. Just sayin'. Smile Steve, maybe get laid too.

hippiegypsy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> whoa Steve.... lighten up. Now sure how I
> provoked your bitterness. I don't have relatives
> who know my address. Not one. Not whining
> either, just using this board as it was intended
> to get friendly and useful advice. neither of
> which you provided. Your analogy is interesting
> though.... do you continue to stalk or contact an
> ex wife or GF once they leave you? Usually after
> a couple attempts a healthy person would move on.
> Just sayin'. Smile Steve, maybe get laid too.

Badass wants to get laid.

I concur! It is a cure-all like no other ;)

I didn't mean to offend anyone. So many people show up on this board wanting to know how to deal with harassment by the church. But many of them are still either attending church services, or have never communicated to the church that the relationship is over. Some of them are still paying tithing. Some of them still go to the temple. Some of them are just hiding and hoping that eventually the church gives up on them.

Why live that way? In all cases, the best way is to just end the relationship with the church and if necessary, to make a credible threat of legal action against the church if they don't respect your choice to leave. The mindset needs to be on how to truely get the church out of your life, not on how to play cat and mouse games with those who come around on behalf of the church, trying to bring you back in.

Resign and put a do not knock sign on the door.

Or run and hide for the rest of your life because they won't give up unless you take a stand of some kind.

I had the same problem. I moved twice and they miraculously found me and they somehow got my new email address. I was furious. Since resigning the hounding has stopped. I would highly recommend getting your name off the records. It was a simple process and one of the best decisions I have ever made. What a relief to not be associated with that cult.

It might have been the best decision of my life without even realizing it. The last few months have been the best months of my life and this is not a joke. It was actually killing me to still be connected to that operation even though i went inactive for a while. I swear my mind is recovering faster after officially burning the bridge.

I totally sympathize with you. IMO it takes a strong person to get away from the brainwashing received from the cult. When I meet another former member I have so much respect and awe that they made it out. To me the ones who keep running on the hamster wheel until they die are the weak followers who aren't allowed to question anything. You deserve a big hug. Be proud of yourself that you are a strong independent thinker!

I've not put a single toe inside a Mormon church in over 10 years. Have been very vocal about the scars I have from being raised in TSCC (won't even mention the long list of regrets). I've moved 3 times during the last decade and they find me every time! Now I understand how they do this, thanks to my new bff's on RfM. The Mormon morons' persistence still just pisses me right off though.

Wow, that's ridiculous they got your email address as well! All of you have convinced me to go through with the online process to remove my records.

No need to ask for anything. Just say you are resigning from the mormon church effective immediately.

Asking for anything means they can tell you no or drag their feet.

Resigning means you are out.

Besides, they never completely remove records. They just move them into a new file with a different label for future reference.

Spies for 'heavenly farther'.

M@t

I was also going to post the link to their "skip trace" instructions, but I see that several people beat me too it. Only a cult would try to track you down this way. No reasonable church does. The only reason they even honor resignations nowadays is because of established legal precedent, and not doing so would cost them more in lawsuits.

The LDSC is in apostasy.

Lived in state #1 throughout childhood/mormonhood.

Discovered the truth. Moved to state #2. Got a PMB at the UPS store. Old ward sent that address to new ward. When new ward called, I said “oh that’s just where I get mail near work. Actually live in next county over different ward boundaries, bye!” Lived there about 2 years, never went to church or met with anyone from church.

Moved to state #3. Married. Utilities in husbands name. Get rare random calls from state #2. Usually don’t answer, but if I do, I say “travel for work months at a time, state #2 is still my home but not there very much.” They think I’m still there, probably keep showing up at the ups store, lol.

Forgot to add: I have the generic voicemail greeting, not a personalized one. That way my identity is not confirmed when my number is called.

good LARD that is some serious FBI-esque detective work they did to track you down after all of those life changes! Scary. I remember getting a couple of calls years ago from church headquarters in SLC when they were trying to track down my brother. I lied and told them I didn't know anyone by that name, blah blah blah, and the caller had the nerve to continue asking me the same question, just rewording it, to get me to slip up. I finally just hung up on her.

So what if they claim to belong to some church?

It's bad enough to rat loved ones out to the mormon church, but bad guys with criminal intent could also use this tactic.

Just tell them no and hang up.