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Posted by: bluebutterfly ( )
Date: May 02, 2018 02:01PM

Yesterday I was home in the middle of the day. I work very part-time, as I have young ones at home. My nevermo husband was here working from home. I see a car pull up in front of my house with the tale-tell bike rack on the trunk. I see the 'men' in white shirts get out. I go back to what I was doing, vacuuming. I hear a bang on the door and then the doorbell and hubby comes out of his office and gives me a questioning look. I said, 'It's missionaries (again) and I'm not answering the door'. He then goes and answers the door. They ask for me by name. He says, 'she doesn't want to talk to you'. They then say to him, 'well who are you??'. He says, 'I'm her husband.' So they leave the house, but the car stays parked in front of my house for at least an hour! It was a little warm to be sitting in a parked car with the windows up for that long, so I'm guessing they just went across the street to my super-TBM neighbor's house. Joy. They no doubt told her all about it. Not that I care, but that makes her involved and I try and keep things light and civil, as good neighbors do. On the other hand, they are at her house alllllll the time, so I'm guessing she has a hand in their visiting me.

I have lived in this house for only 3 years and I have had more unannounced visits from missionaries than ever before. Does it help that I live in the 'ward boundaries' of my super-TBM parents and sister? No. Or that my dad is presently the ward clerk? Nope. I quit this church 20 years ago when I moved out of my parent's house (same house they still are in now). I knew it would be a pain in the tail to move back to this area, knowing it's my parent's ward. But I wasn't going to let that stop me from moving to a nicer neighborhood than we were previously in, a super short commute for my husband, and (most importantly) better schools for our children.

Luckily my husband is nevermo, as are our children. When we moved here, my father very proudly read my name in during Sacrament meeting as a new ward member and then told me about it very non-chalantly (probably to gauge my reaction). Ever since then, I've been on everyone's radar. Missionaries are stopping by all the time. It feels so invasive! I've had enough. Yesterday's 'visit' severely triggered me and I was just angry. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of being harassed. I'm tired of being the ward reactivation project. I live in a small community, so everyone who is Mormon seems to know who I am and that I need 'fellowshipping' or 'ministering' or whatever they call it. I went inactive 20 years ago and moved around a bunch. They always found me RIGHT AWAY. My parents treated me like dirt when I left. They made my life a living hell and tried to turn all of my siblings against me. My best friend at the time also moved out and stopped going to church and I remember saying to her on the phone, 'wow it feels like I'm trying to escape a gang or something!' Unfortunately that friend found her way back and is more TBM than ever.

I stumbled upon RfM about 2 years ago when I came to a horrible conclusion that my parents were trying to suck my daughter into their cult. I hated Mormonism my whole life, so I just left it. But after I found this site, all of my shelf items, etc. finally made sense. It was shock, horror, and relief.

I have had hesitation to resign only because of the social ramifications. My parents are going to lose their minds. If I lived in a different state, or even different town it would be easier. But dad is the ward clerk. He will be finding out about this not from me. Also, I run into Mos that know me all the damn time. Parents at my daughter's school, parents at my son's preschool, running into people in stores, etc. I'm afraid of character assassination, as that is the only thing they have over me. But I don't care anymore. If they start the character assassination it will just only prove my point that this is a damaging cult that I want NO part of. I'm not going to live in fear. I'm not going to let other people's feelings dictate my life choices.

So, I did it. I sent the resignation e-mail. My older brother resigned a few years ago, so I can't wait to tell him. Now I'm just waiting for the shit-storm to start from the family and the shunning to start from all the Mos in the area. Stay tuned....

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Posted by: mikemitchell ( )
Date: May 02, 2018 02:12PM

"He says, 'she doesn't want to talk to you'. They then say to him, 'well who are you??'. He says, 'I'm her husband.'"

Your husband was far more kind than I would have been.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: May 15, 2018 11:53PM

The word "feral" comes to mind...

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Posted by: Greyfort ( )
Date: May 02, 2018 02:23PM

If anyone tries to assassinate your character, I’d just calmly state that they’ve just reaffirmed your decision to leave, by behaving in such a manner.

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Posted by: lazylizard ( )
Date: May 02, 2018 04:58PM

Amen to this!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2018 04:58PM by lazylizard.

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Posted by: zarahemlatowndrunk ( )
Date: May 02, 2018 02:33PM

Your husband sounds like a stand up guy. I'd have called the police if some stranger showed up at my door asking for the personal information of household members.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: May 02, 2018 03:43PM

What ever happens, you'll be able to deal with it. They forced your hand by treating you the way they did.

It's wonderful that you husband an kiddies are nonmormons. That's my situation as well. I like it that way. They harassed me too for many years in spite of never attending anything in their ward and telling them again and again to stay away.

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: May 02, 2018 04:06PM

I feel your pain they harrassed the shit out of me until i resigned and put a DO NOT KNOCK sign on my door. There wasn't a big shit storm afterwards like i thought there would be. I am so tired of leaving in fear it's ridiculous. They triggered the shit out of me and i have had no peace until recently.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: May 02, 2018 04:38PM

"So they leave the house, but the car stays parked in front of my house for at least an hour! It was a little warm to be sitting in a parked car with the windows up for that long, so I'm guessing they just went across the street to my super-TBM neighbor's house."

If it was within your property line or driveway, then I would have called the police.

I had to call after I told the elders to leave my property. They locked their bikes to my property fence. The constable deputy took a report and cut their lock.

You deserve peace and not continual harassment. Get a "No Trespassing" sign posted and then resign. It works! Both utility and power cable companies are afraid to enter the yard without verbal permission over the phone.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2018 04:38PM by messygoop.

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Posted by: TheHumanLeague ( )
Date: May 02, 2018 04:45PM

Makes you wanna spit!

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Posted by: bluebutterfly ( )
Date: May 14, 2018 08:17PM

It's been 12 days since I resigned by email. I followed the instructions here on RfM. I added a sentence or two, but kept it brief and to the point. I specified that I did not want any further contact from anyone and to keep this matter discreet.

Today I got a letter from LDS inc. in the mail. I was kind of excited when I saw it. But then when I opened it and see that the letter begins with 'Dear Sister bluebutterfly,' my heart sank and I was immediately irritated and upset. They threw the old 'this is an ecclesiastical matter and will be forwarded to your local SP and bishop and they will contact you' garbage at me. I knew when it opened with 'sister' that they still consider me a fucking member. What part of I DON'T WANT ANY FURTHER CONTACT did they not get?? I absolutely do not want to be contacted by these guys. So now what? Are some men in suits going to show up at my house because they feel they need to? I hate being caught off guard and I just hate all of this bs. It's giving me anxiety. I'm trying to eradicate the anxiety about Mormons out of my life! A few days ago (not knowing what would happen after I resigned) I see a minivan pull up in front of my house with a man in it. He kept looking up at my house. I told the kids we weren't answering the door. I thought for sure it was some Mormon (the bishop perhaps) coming to confront me. Doorbell rings after a few minutes and I'm fuming. After I realize the van is gone I go open the door and there is an Amazon package on the front porch. The man in the van was just a third party delivery driver. See what I'm dealing with?

So now what?? Should I send another resignation email??

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Posted by: sonofthelefthand ( )
Date: May 14, 2018 08:31PM

You might try Quit Mormon dot com (without spaces).

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Posted by: bluebutterfly ( )
Date: May 14, 2018 09:13PM

Thank you for mentioning that website. I filled it out. It felt more official than the email, especially since I had to sign it!

I guess part of the anxiety is that I don't know who the bishop is. I don't know what he looks like. That is why the non-descript delivery guy could have been him. I do know the SP on a first name basis, though.

I do know that my father is the ward clerk and that he is going to have a shit fit. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

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Posted by: sonofthelefthand ( )
Date: May 15, 2018 09:34AM

Yeah, I know, my Dad was on the Stake High Council. They can weild a lot of influence to try and get members or missionaries to stop by. I had an almost annual visit for a number of years from the missionaries, who I assume were sent by my Dad. I haven't had any visits for over 15 years now. I think they finally gave up on me.

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Posted by: bluebutterfly ( )
Date: May 15, 2018 01:43PM

I know it is my dad who is sending them. And he lies about it. They stop by every couple of months. I also have a Mormon neighbor across the street that is in the bishopric. The mishies are at their house all the time. I know they need busy work because the days of door-to-door conversions are in the past. I don't want to be on their to-do list. I've encountered some nice ones, but also some real sanctimonious pricks. My dad's plan of getting me back in is going to backfire big time and I'm guessing he's going to find out soon. Our relationship is already strained lately due to many other things. This should be an interesting turn of events.

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Posted by: Jane Cannary ( )
Date: May 15, 2018 02:01PM

Have you ever called him out on the lying? Something like Dad, it's not very christian to lie. If you have to lie about something you did, you probably shouldn't have done it.

Personally, the lying would make me angrier than having the mormons sicced on me.

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: May 14, 2018 08:38PM

bluebutterfly Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It's been 12 days since I resigned by email. I
> followed the instructions here on RfM. I added a
> sentence or two, but kept it brief and to the
> point. I specified that I did not want any further
> contact from anyone and to keep this matter
> discreet.
>
> Today I got a letter from LDS inc. in the mail. I
> was kind of excited when I saw it. But then when
> I opened it and see that the letter begins with
> 'Dear Sister bluebutterfly,' my heart sank and I
> was immediately irritated and upset. They threw
> the old 'this is an ecclesiastical matter and will
> be forwarded to your local SP and bishop and they
> will contact you' garbage at me. I knew when it
> opened with 'sister' that they still consider me a
> fucking member. What part of I DON'T WANT ANY
> FURTHER CONTACT did they not get?? I absolutely do
> not want to be contacted by these guys. So now
> what? Are some men in suits going to show up at my
> house because they feel they need to? I hate being
> caught off guard and I just hate all of this bs.
> It's giving me anxiety. I'm trying to eradicate
> the anxiety about Mormons out of my life! A few
> days ago (not knowing what would happen after I
> resigned) I see a minivan pull up in front of my
> house with a man in it. He kept looking up at my
> house. I told the kids we weren't answering the
> door. I thought for sure it was some Mormon (the
> bishop perhaps) coming to confront me. Doorbell
> rings after a few minutes and I'm fuming. After I
> realize the van is gone I go open the door and
> there is an Amazon package on the front porch. The
> man in the van was just a third party delivery
> driver. See what I'm dealing with?
>
> So now what?? Should I send another resignation
> email??

I know EXACTLY what you are going through bluebutterfly i mean EXACTLY. My anxiety used to be through the roof. I swear i have a mormon phobia or a man in suit phobia. They are not real humans and they scare me and i can never get away from them. Did you do Quit Mormon? I did that one and had received no mail.

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Posted by: bluebutterfly ( )
Date: May 15, 2018 01:44PM

I submitted my resignation through that website yesterday. :-) It felt way more official.

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Posted by: bluebutterfly ( )
Date: May 15, 2018 01:54PM

Thanks to all for the perspective. I need to be able to say to my friends and colleagues, 'see how my family and other Mormons treat me for leaving their cult??'

I was honestly just going to wait to resign until we someday move (we have debated about moving out of CA), or until one of my parents passes away...which could be another 5-10 years.

It took a lot of courage for me to resign while still in their 'ward', living in the same community that is small and everyone knows your business. I'm going to take the heat and I will see what people are really made of now. Parents and one of my sisters included. Nobody turned on my brother for resigning. But here are a few differences:

1) he's male and my brothers are treated way differently than us females by my parents
2) he's the oldest of our siblings...there is some sort of automatic respect he gets from that
3) he lives thousands of miles away from where my parents (and I) are
4) my family has always thought of him as a little 'different' anyway, so they can brush it off more easily
5) my family is somewhat intimidated by him

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Posted by: [|] ( )
Date: May 14, 2018 08:41PM

This is standard procedure. Your bishop may visit you; he may not. You do not have to have any conversation with him that you do not want to have. If he shows up, just tell him that yes, that is your resignation and to process it immediately.
Sometimes the bishop just completes the process without contacting you.

Since they have acknowledged receiving your letter, you are now out of TSCC. the rest is just them playing their own games.

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Posted by: cl2notloggedin ( )
Date: May 14, 2018 08:52PM

but then my daughter was pushing me to forgive the church and go back, so I decided to resign because I wanted to make a point. The bishop that was in at the time just happened to be my friend and had lived 2 doors down for years (built a block over and moved).

My nonmo boyfriend searched all his e-mails and sent them to me where I had stated I'd never resigned. He was concerned it would be a negative experience for me. He knew me at 20 when I was extremely devout and I was in my 50s at the time I resigned. I was determined. It only took 3 days for the pkg you just received to get to me. The bishop did come by and he told me he wouldn't try to talk me out of resigning, that he had seen some of what I went through. He brought me a homemade cinnamon roll.

I felt a load lift off my shoulders. Something I NEVER THOUGHT would happen. I've never regretted resigning for a second. It has been one of the best things I did for myself. Follow it through. You'll be glad you did.

I asked my therapist today if you ever get over it and he said, "Would you really want to?" He is an exmo, too. Then he said, "When you left the church and rejected it, you got over a lot of it." Resigning was a big step in my recovery. Just wait it out. IT WILL BE OVER WITH SOON.

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: May 14, 2018 11:51PM

I appreciate your feelings. I didn't turn in my resignation until just after moving out of my mother's ward. She was nothing like your parents but I just didn't want any drama. She knows now and nothing happened. Some ward members were/are snarky but I don't care anymore.

It doesn't sound like it could get much worse with your parents aside from the character assassination which may be happening now anyway. Don't fret. Smart people get that parents who would trash their own kids for religious reasons are nut jobs. And those who would encourage, justify, and spread such venom are not worth the energy to worry about. Their behavior will reveal their character. Let the chips fall where they may. After 20 years it's time to finally drop the other shoe. You must get on with your life. Bravo.

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Posted by: exminion ( )
Date: May 14, 2018 11:53PM

Remember, whatever irate cult members and family members put you through, it will never be as bad as what you endured while you were a member. Mormons are the meanest to each other. Stay on the peaceful sidelines, and watch the eat each other alive with blame and judgments.

When my children and I resigned officially, 80% of the harassment stopped. It was so worth it!

You're right. The shunning and character asassinations will begin. Mormons often behave like bullies, who are cowards at heart. They are actually AFRAID of the Truth that you know, and you might tell the or their children and "weaken their testimonies." Be strong in your rights, and in your freedom of religion.

Someday, you will reach a point where you no longer care what the Mormons think of you. They're mostly crazy, and very weird, you know.

Please, save the children, too!

Congratulations. Love your name, Bluebutterfly!

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