It's been a while since I posted last. Anywho, my ex husband is TBM, and while we have joint custody my young son does spend more time with my ex. He lives in a MUCH better school district than I do, which unfortunately also leads to an overwhelmingly Mormon upbringing.

My current husband and I had him for a long weekend recently, and we woke up on a Sunday morning and started getting around for church. While we ate breakfast, my son asked my husband "are we going to my daddy's church? Or to momma's FUN church?"

I shouldn't have been so pleased to hear it. I know, a little immature that I got such a smug feeling of satisfaction out of it. I know it's not particularly Christlike to think my church is "better' than any other. But man, it made me grin. For the record, I don't care what religion (if any) he grows up adhering to... and I don't trash talk tscc in front of him. I'd rather not throw him in the middle of my religious disagreements with my ex....I just keep my mouth shut when he's home at my place.

....but it does make me feel better that at 3 years old he already realizes that the Mormon children programs are boring as shit compared to most other youth organizations. I mean seriously, I had a calling in primary before. Total snoozefest. I know it didn't used to be like that. A lot of the older members talked about their days in primary and yw/ym. It sounded fun 20 years ago, now I think the leadership has sucked all the joy out of it. Sad, you would think that with their retention numbers suffering they would try to make tscc less boring.

at the age of three I also knew my place in the alternative reality known as xstianity, and my parents recorded it on tape:

Dad: "Daddy's going to hell, if he doesn't change his ways."

Me: "Daddy, I wanna go, I wanna go......"

Being mormon is a really sad affair.

I hate it!

Keep at it with your little boy.

Church should be fun. Not a place to plan suicide if you will!

That is cute....and shows again how perceptive an even three yr. old can be. Just be honest with him as he grows and asks questions. Explain as much as you can without him running to the ex and saying things.

I remember attending a Catholic service with my dad and stepmom while visiting them. Imagine my embarrassment and amusement when, after sitting in almost reverent silence for a few minutes the organ started playing and my son pipes up with "It's starting, Mommy! The movie is starting!" ;)

Too funny!!

stormy

Do I care about my son's choice of religion? Yes and no. Of course it would make me happy if he chose the same path I have. On the other hand, i've seen first hand what can happen when overbearing parents try and shove a religious ideal down a child's throat. I don't want to be that kind of parent, as it usually doesn't work out the way the parent intended.

I also don't want to inadvertently push him towards tscchuch/cult by trying to make him like "my church" better. That's a good way to give him a case of the Mormon persecution complex, again not what I want.

I want my child to be a kind human being who is honest and loving. Would I prefer it if he learned those things in my church? Of course. Do I think it's impossible for him to learn it anywhere else? Of course not. I'm going to love my kid no matter what he choses. At this point, he isn't old enough to make that choice. But when he IS old enough to make that choice i'm certainly going to respect it. Even if I don't like it.

Kids look to their parents and teachers so they can "try on" ideas, much like trying on grownup shoes, until the kids are ready to formulate their own opinions. If the adults in their lives are afraid of expressing opinions and ideas, the kids sometimes get the idea that there's something wrong with trying to reach logical conclusions.

Just because one parent has a specific dogma doesn't mean the other parent should not have a differing one. The main thing is to avoid badmouthing the other parent. There's nothing wrong with saying that reasonable people can have diverse opinions or that they can change their opinions as new information is learned.

We try hard to teach kids to have good health and homework habits. How do we do this? By talking to them extensively about important these things are to us. Parents who don't use their *influence* to form good attitudes are not helping their kids formulate healthy habits and good attitudes for life.

It's the same with religion. It's healthy to be honest and express how we feel about it as long as we don't try to beat it into kids in overly aggressive and relentless ways as mormons often do. I would assume that the "fun" church is weilding influence in very specific and planned ways. Nothing wrong with that as long as they respect their little charges and don't insist only on blind obedience and unreasonable perfectionism.

Kids have no chance to make good choices if they never hear how parents think about important topics. Waiting until theiry "old enough to decide on their own" is too late to start learning critical thinking and practicing the give and take of religious tolerance. Kids don't learn tolerance from parents who don't talk to them. They learn it by talking to their parents and when they'r old enough by talking to other trustworthy friends and mentors.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/08/2011 02:17PM by Cheryl.

Cheryl, I appreciate the idea behind your post, and I know you are just trying to help,.... but I really didn't post this looking for a lecture on how to raise my child. This was meant to be a lighthearted comment about something he said that made me laugh. That's all.

I DO talk to my child, and I DO instruct my child in the ways of tolerance. At least the best one could given his age. Also the best I can given the situation. His father is Mormon. His grandparents and aunts and uncles are Mormon. They are all great people, and I don't discuss Mormonism because while I don't like the church as an institution, his family is comprised of excellent human beings who just so happen to be Mormon. He is at an age (just turned three) that if I tried to have a discussion about our religious differences he may in fact misunderstand or think i'm trying to insult his family.

Furthermore, my child has a speech delay. Having a drawn-out conversation about religion just isn't realistic right now.

I've told him that mama and daddy go to different churches because we think different things about God and Jesus. That's all we are going to discuss with him for right now.

I really resent you making some claim that my child won't be capable of making good choices or forming healthy habits just because I don't find it important to ram my religious beliefs down his throat. You aren't privy to every detail of my life, nor do you know my son, so you aren't in any position to tell me how I aught to parent. He's one hell of a well-behaved and well-adjusted child. We get compliments on his behavior and personality everywhere we go, so clearly we are doing something right.

I have read on RfM so many times how parents think they're taking the high road by withholding their religious views from their children.

I'm glad you don't see it that way.