Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5:00.
Sincerely,
The Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood
pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
British Petroleum

Dear Saturn,
I liked you so much, I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black People

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words, you piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

The twilight one made my day!

My favorite was a quasi-political one that Susan (Peace Be Upon Her!!) made me take out!

rgrtheshrubber@gmail.com

that, until very recently, lived in Abbotabad.

that GUY who, until very recently, lived in Abbotabad.

Dear Mr. Packer:
Thank you for making me look like a cover model for GQ Magazine.
Sincerely,
The Elephant Man

Vampires CAN SO have sex! But maybe only True Blood vamps like Eric :P

Thank you for taking the attention off of our wackiness, illegal activities and bullying behavior.
Sincerely,
Dianetics/Church of Scientology

I was hoping that you clever people could think of some ex-mo ones.

We are taught to "follow the prophet." Because I am an obedient wife, I followed your example and slept with Hyrum, then shot you at Carthage.

My bad.

Love,

Emma

P.S. Your penis is small and crooked.

E.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/08/2011 09:27PM by GayLayAle.

Thanks for the loud laughter!

Ever hear of rigor mortis and perma-rection aids?

Ultimately, it's bad vampire breath that kills the romance. Dead for 5 centuries? Ain't no mouthwash in the world that can handle that.

Sincerely,

Twilight Vampire

Dear Superman,

So, how'd you like that Kryptonite ring I sent you?

Sincerely,
Batman

;)

Dear Joseph

Sorry I had to slip away. I had other pressing engagements.

Sincerely
Buried treasure

Two (true) telegrams between Winston Churchill and George Bernard Shaw

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one."
— (George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill)

"Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one."
— Churchill's response"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2011 06:01AM by EssexExMo.

How 'bout that magic underwear.
Sincerely,
Hector McLean

Dear BY,
I'm gonna take a short trip to Arkansas, be right back,
Sincerely,
PPP (dtd Sep 11, 1856)

Dear Fancher Party,
Sucks to be from Arkansas,
Sincerely,
BY

Dear Nauvoo Legion,
HHHHEEEEELLLLLPPPPPP!,
Sincerely,
Joseph Smith, Jr



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2011 02:24PM by jw the inquizzinator.

Donner, party of 10....9....8....7....6...

Just sayin'...

Ron